"Dissidia: Final Fatasy" for ponies

[Starstream 182]

I'm busy writing a fic witch puts the ponies from the series in a situation echoing that of the Dissidia games. I have a few of the chapters up for test reading and I would love to have some feedback on them.

 

I still intend to make at least one illustration per chapter and add background music, but I'm neither Tetsuya Nomura nor Deadmau5 and it shows,

if anyone would be willing to help me with either I would be so grateful for that.

 

 

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Here's a link to the story

 

Again, please tell me your opinion, even if you think it completely sucks, just tell me what I can do to improve it.