Zecoras Nightmare Night

[PinkieShadow 4,053]

Ok i think I give this song a try here. it's a colab with a rapper guy, and I did the keyboards, cut samples and producing thing. All lyrics cred. goes to Mc Daddy'd pone. And of course Brenda for the Zecorian vocal lines.

Hope you like it friends

And oh yes, sorry, I'm a changeling so OC Princess Twibug and Shining Mane is aka. me.

 

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Would you like critique/feedback on this? 

[PinkieShadow 4,053]

@C. Thunder Dash Yes that would be nice

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

11 hours ago, PinkieShadow said:

@C. Thunder Dash Yes that would be nice

Well then...here goes...

I must be honest. This is cheesy and not in a good way. You need to work on captivating techniques that pull your audience. 

Right off the bat you start with a beat that is more suited for a slice of life/story rap. Nightmare Night must have a sinister character, since it's a direct allusion to Halloween. The vocals unfortunately add on to the cheesiness of the song. A sort of underground rap beat would fit much better, since those types of beats focus on the darker/creepier side of life. 

Secondly, you focused on rhyme a little too much, which caused your flow and theme to become very scattered. A 1&4 or 3&4 rhyme format would be much more suited for a rap like this, because Nightmare Night involves vivid description. You made it very difficult on yourself by having a 4-way rhyme scheme because you have to think extra about each line rhyming and making sure the overall rap makes sense. Couplets would also work, but because of your theme, the 1&4 and 3&4 schemes (Rhyhming between lines 1 and 4 or lines 3 and 4), due to the vast detail of Nightmare Night

Lastly, the repeated Zecora quote was out of place. If you're going to use quotes, make sure they are relevant to your theme, like Zecora giving details about Nightmare Night, The only effect that should be used on the quotes themselves is a drop of reverb to give them space. 

All in all, this rap unfortunately needs a massive overhaul. You missed the mark in terms of where you wanted the song to go and made it hard on yourself by trying to rhyme every line. Good effort, but please don't be discouraged by my somewhat harsh criticism. I only want to see people grow in their skill and craft. No one's perfect but we can strive to be the best we can. 

 

[PinkieShadow 4,053]

First of all, thank you for taking so much time to really listen and analyzing the song. You are completely right, I don't do this type of music normaly and have a lot to learn about it. I will read each line that you wrote and try to understand how you mean in detail. We had a lot of fun when we did this song, maybe to fun to really focus on the Night Mare Night Theme. The beat needs a deeper side, absolutely right. I can feel that too.

No problems with harsh criticism, I got the point and you want to help us do it better, and I'm grateful for that

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

2 hours ago, PinkieShadow said:

First of all, thank you for taking so much time to really listen and analyzing the song. You are completely right, I don't do this type of music normaly and have a lot to learn about it. I will read each line that you wrote and try to understand how you mean in detail. We had a lot of fun when we did this song, maybe to fun to really focus on the Night Mare Night Theme. The beat needs a deeper side, absolutely right. I can feel that too.

No problems with harsh criticism, I got the point and you want to help us do it better, and I'm grateful for that

Really glad you took my feedback well. Perhaps the three of us could work together...maybe I could even guide you two as you create another track together to make sure you're on the right track. 

[PinkieShadow 4,053]

It was nearly a year ago we did this song for the Night Mare Night (Hallowen). And we have not collaborated ever since. But keep that in mind, it's very kind of you.