TreadingWater

Critique Wanted Needs input on my Alicorn OC

Recommended Posts

Hi guys!

I had this really neat idea for how to make an Alicorn-OC that was a little bit different from most others in concept and I want to see what you guys think of it. 

———————————————————

Name: Mirage the Dreamer

Gender: Female

Species: Alicorn

Cutie-Mark: Crumbling moon (see drawing)

Title: Princess of Lost Dreams

Represents: Deception, Loss of Innocence 

Personality: Fixated on her appearance outwards, self-loathing, bitter, perfectionist, pessimistic, harsh self-critic, realist yet remains a dreamer deep down, can relate to others easily, caring, kind, knowledgeable in many fields, has a good eye for small details, seeks acceptance for who she really is but is terrified of ever dropping her fake persona out of fear of rejection, fears loosing her identity after years of pretending to be someone else

Likes: Creating/crafting in various ways from woodworking to painting to pottery, interacting with the ponies in the local town, solitude

Dislikes: Mirrors, imperfections, her younger sister Belladonna, large crowds, attention, make-up and other beauty-products

Powers/Abilities: Illusions that can fool all five senses, telepathy, empathy, higher than average strength compared to other alicorns, teleporting across short distances, turn invisible temporarily, voice-mimicking

Backstory: Mirage was the oldest child of the royal family but came out deformed because of a complicated birth.

She wasn’t elegant or pretty or even slightly royal in appearance, she was short and compact like a workhorse and her tail was thin with the barest of tufts of hair at the end of it.

Embarrassed of her appearance, Mirage’s parents kept her away from the public eye and the poor filly faced almost constant mockery from her younger sister Belladonna who found gleeful joy in all the attention she was getting. Mirage grew up bitter and her self-loathing kept growing as he became older, haunted by thoughts of never being good enough and hating her appearance. She bought copious beauty-products and a variety of potions to try and make herself look better. 

One day, her parents were pleased to see that she looked somewhat decent and allowed her to join everyone downstairs. She was suddenly the center of attention as many was not aware that there was a second alicorn in the family, causing her to feel incredibly uncomfortable at all the poking and prodding. Jealous, Belladonna tripped her down a short flight of stairs on purpose and panic ensued as the illusion that Mirage had casted around herself fell apart.

Her parents were so ashamed of the incident that they cast her out of the family and forbade her from ever stepping hoof in the royal palace ever again as they worked day and night to prevent any damage to their reputation, intending to make the world slowly forget about their former second daughter. Now a lost soul, Mirage wandered from town to town carefully maintaining her disguise and no longer knowing what to do.

Years later and all of a sudden, Mirage is suddenly called back to the Royal Palace. It turns out that Belladonna had passed away due to an unfortunate accident and to keep anyone from finding out that the princess was dead, they were now ordering Mirage to use her mind-tricks to take her sister’s place. Bitter and yet knowing that she has nowhere else to go, she is forced to agree and now she is forced to live a double-life as a pony she once hated in a palace filled with nothing but bad memories...

8E982DB8-42C8-4156-9BBA-9FB82444A221.jpeg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I like her, honestly. I think her design is quite simple, which is good for alicorn OCs, but also different enough to make her unique. In terms of story, I think it could still be worked on some more, something you can do in the future as you keep working on her as a concept.

My only problem with her (this is just me being honest) is that her tragic characteristics (pessimistic. self-critic...) are predictable and overused. While they can work, all of these together seem like too much for me. But what matters most is if you like her. If you do, that's great :3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Badges

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.