(For men): What do you do when someone tells you to be a man?

[Muffinnz 3,219]

What do you do when someone tells you to be a man and pretend to be ok?

[Fluttershutter 2,116]

Scratch your ass and spit.

[Here No Longer 5,270]

I'd probably say "can you go f*** off?"

[Tao 6,719]

"How bout you bring life into this world, birth it,  raise it,  give off liquid to feed it and still have to convert to social labels and ideals that define what u are given ur gender"

[TBD 17,228]

Honestly...

I can't often think of anything to response to such stupidity. 

[Darksword66 230]

When someone tells me to be a man, i generally just allow them the ability to say that as they wish and don't really do anything. The statement itself comes from the idealism of just toughen up. So i just think over what the concept it is that i need to be tough around for at that moment. And i make the decision from that point to do whatever i feel is needed at the time. I mean there are aspects such as picking out garbage or something that i wouldn't do but, i can tough it out if i see it as something that is needed.

I guess i just think nothing of it in the long run.

[Samurai Equine 45,825]

Whenever I am faced with confrontational messages like that, I think back to a speech that Carlton gave in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

"Being black isn't what I'm trying to be, it's what I am."

So if anyone is offended by how I live my life or my personal choices, and then dares to imply that I am somehow less of a man because of it, I want to be smart enough to reply to them in a similar manner.

Being a man isn't what I'm trying be, it's what I am.

Edited February 6, 2020 by Samurai Equine

[TheRockARooster 47,263]

I say ‘I am a man or kiss my a**’.

[Oblivion 20,265]

I actually agree that it's bullshit that men are not supposed to show their emotions etc. My dad says that shit all the time with my depression and I'm just like.... "Ok....not like me being born with a penis means I can't cry or get emotional" it's really stupid that we are expected to all be hardened individuals and that the only two emotions we are supposed to show is joy and anger, they say that anger is just the pathway to other pent up emotions that society says we are not supposed to let show....

[Treeglow Flicker 13,012]

I crush them like an insect beneath my unrelenting feminine wrath.

[Splashee 28,537]

Calls for a bitch slap in the face response

[Rainbow Cloud 16,290]

Depends on the situation, if it's referring to the term 'man up' as in to toughen up sometimes it can be relevant in a situation where you need to keep things together and tough it out to get through something and the person saying it is trying to help you rather than mock you then it's fine. If someone's just saying it to put someone down or bully them then it's not.

[Oblivion 20,265]

33 minutes ago, Splashee said:

Calls for a bitch slap in the face response

Since when the actual fuck...did you get so violent! LMAO 

[Mirage 24,130]

Being a man is good. Pretending is not.

Being a 'man' is taking responsibility and getting shit done. Wallowing in (negative) emotions depresses a man's ability to function, so if you know someone who isn't functioning because they are clinging to pain or guilt, it's time to have a 'man to man' conversation to get them back on their feet and standing tall again. Notice I said 'conversation', not criticism.

The reason men that love you don't want to see you weak and crying and depressed is because if you go out into the world like that you will be taken advantage of and crushed. Women won't be attracted to you, and other men won't respect you. True masculinity is inner strength and energy for the purpose of protecting a family. Providing security. Being a leader. Being independent and self-sufficient.

If someone I respect tells me to 'be a man' about something, I might listen. I'm prone to drowning in my own mind, and it helps to have someone lend a strong hand to drag me out...even though I might not necessarily be the socially constructed form of a 'man'.

[EpicEnergy 22,072]

Generally speaking, when someone tells me to "be a man" or to "man up", I don't change who I am because of it. I'll be who I want to be, or I'll be who I am, but I am not going to change who I am just to fulfill someone else's expectations of who I should be.

[Kyoshi Frost Wolf 40,269]

These types of people have no sense of sympathy and I inform them as such, by letting them know they are wretched bastards. We live in a depressing world, depression should be treated with care, not moral elitism. Sadly, the more we go on, the more most people could not care less.

[CatCat 1,118]

Honestly I’ve just gotten angrier towards that phrase seeing as I am not much of a so called “manly” person (I mean I do like a show about pastel colored ponies) and so I don’t like the phrase

[Samurai Equine 45,825]

10 hours ago, Mirage said:

Being a 'man' is taking responsibility and getting shit done. Wallowing in (negative) emotions depresses a man's ability to function, so if you know someone who isn't functioning because they are clinging to pain or guilt, it's time to have a 'man to man' conversation to get them back on their feet and standing tall again. Notice I said 'conversation', not criticism.

Hmm... I think you may have picked a poor choice of words in that first sentence. 
Based on context clues from the rest of your message, you're promoting a healthy, confident, functional lifestyle. And I agree! Living a healthy, active lifestyle is a great measure of a man. It's one of many great measurements, but this is a fairly good starting place.  But I would never simplify it to "getting shit done". Living by achieving results is no way to live, and it's not limited to gender either. Would you consider mothers manly? They get stuff done too. If they are housekeepers, then they clean the house, do laundry, make meals, and all the stereotypical activities. Many other hold down jobs and more. Doesn't make them at all manly for doing so. If getting stuff done = being a man, then failure could be interpreted as not being a man, and that's no way to live for anyone. No one should be constantly chasing after a goal to the point where their personal health is being sacrificed. In this case, asking someone to "Man up" or "Be a man" is about sentimentally measuring the strength of one's character. And man or woman, there are MANY honorable and positive ways of being a good person. Doing that, to me, is how you really "Man up" or whatever the female equivalent is. If you're living a life that could possibly make you a positive inspiration to others, then you are definitely doing something right.

[Sherem 4,807]

Depending the situation really, I know I can be a drama queen myself. So sometimes I have to suck it up and really man up, but depends who is telling me and how well argumented is this "Man up" talk

[Mirage 24,130]

2 hours ago, Samurai Equine said:

Hmm... I think you may have picked a poor choice of words in that first sentence. 
Based on context clues from the rest of your message, you're promoting a healthy, confident, functional lifestyle. And I agree! Living a healthy, active lifestyle is a great measure of a man. It's one of many great measurements, but this is a fairly good starting place.  But I would never simplify it to "getting shit done". Living by achieving results is no way to live, and it's not limited to gender either. Would you consider mothers manly? They get stuff done too. If they are housekeepers, then they clean the house, do laundry, make meals, and all the stereotypical activities. Many other hold down jobs and more. Doesn't make them at all manly for doing so. If getting stuff done = being a man, then failure could be interpreted as not being a man, and that's no way to live for anyone. No one should be constantly chasing after a goal to the point where their personal health is being sacrificed. In this case, asking someone to "Man up" or "Be a man" is about sentimentally measuring the strength of one's character. And man or woman, there are MANY honorable and positive ways of being a good person. Doing that, to me, is how you really "Man up" or whatever the female equivalent is. If you're living a life that could possibly make you a positive inspiration to others, then you are definitely doing something right.

I remained within the context of the question. Bringing gender comparisons and how it could apply to one or other or both stretches far beyond the question.

Just because I limited my opinion to a man doesn't mean it doesn't also apply to a woman. Both men and women are people, after all. However, the context differs... 

But to your point, if men can appreciate and engage in feminine things, then women can engage in masculine things. Working to achieve is manly. Working to comfort, is motherly. Both are valuable to the person and to their environment. Some behavior is motherly because mother's exist, and only a woman can be a mother. At the very same time, there are behaviors that are manly because men exist, and men do them because it's in their nature to do so.

It isn't fair to logic to pretend that the genders are the same. They are not. If they were, there'd be no such thing as a 'transgender'. And so what we do is create abstractions to understand what their purpose is. Because we very well know biologically, emotionally and intellectually their spectrums of behavior and operations are different, even though they are both equally a 'person', and it is a 'person', for instance, that enjoys the privilege of a 'right' or 'equal protection under the law'.

So before you try to imply I'm a soft bigot, I'll let you know I understand very well what I'm talking about. Men have huge problems with motivation. They must bear a heavy burden of having a purpose driven life or they become an absolute tyrant to those around them. One should be at least suspicious why the vast majority of violent and dangerous and chaotic people that walk the streets at night or behind bars are men. While our culture is out banging gongs about women victimization and inequality and the absolute tragedy of single motherhood or abortion or sexual assaults as if the only problem is because we don't care enough about them, men's needs are just ignored. So what about men in all this?

Indeed, men are not cared for like they should be. Over and over, the implication is that men are intrinsically evil and nothing can be done about it save put them behind bars or 'marry' women instead to government programs to take their place. I reject that social construct.

Take responsibility. Get shit done. What does that mean?

Find your purpose and do it. Stop wasting time. Build your character with accomplishments. Feel good about yourself. If you get a girl pregnant, take care of her. Live with honor and dignity. Don't be a coward. Work to overcome your anxieties and fears. Be a leader in your life. Be generous with your usefulness. Be a man. Walk tall. Make the world a better place.

It's not absolutely exclusive to men, but it is damn important men understand what it means to be a real man. If they don't, they will wreck havoc on themselves and others, as evidenced by the many struggles in the headlines.

Therefore, 'be a man' is a call to realizing the consequences of poor behavior. Behavior that could be incredibly dangerous. Behavior that can lead to evils far beyond what we realize. 

Real men are good people, and that is obviously not in any way a threat to women. So just because we use expressions to lift men up doesn't take a damn thing away from women. On the contrary, it protects them and honors them.

This idea that if we do something just for men and 'leave out' women, we're engaging in some ignorant bigoted hatred is a lazy conclusion at best, a gross malevolent social agenda at worst. In any case, it's obviously wrong.

Being a man is acknowledging a real thing, and it's time we stop pretending men don't exist. 

[Narcissus 352]

If being a man means to stand up on your own two feet and suck it up, then I'm fine with it. Self pity and constant complaining doesn't evoke strength or self-control, so telling someone to man-up is often good advice. Powdering everyone't butt and coddling them all the time doesn't help them to grow or strengthen as a human being. So if someone is man enough to tell someone else to be a man, I applaud them. Personally I'm female, but if someone told me to be a man I'd take it in the proper spirit and take it as good advice. 

[TBD 17,228]

I grew up in a culture where "I have to be the man in the house", since I am the oldest male out of my two younger brothers. Take responsibility, don't be a neet, and whatnot.  And yeah I got it all down growing up...but honestly I hated every ounces of it. To me, it feels that it always has been never enough and life expected more when I all I did is what it told me to do.  Yeah, I've taken up my shit but what does that leave me? A hardened empty shell.  

As the Joker once said..

"People expect you to behave as if you don't."

I get it, "Man up" is meant for a good pep talk with good intention from some people. But those who received it may take it in another way. I'm not saying they will end up like how I am but I think it's better not to say "Man up" in their most vulnerable times. Moreover, it felt like another lazy version of a pep talk for “suck it up”. "Be the person who you wanted to be and be the people for others" is what I'd have say instead. 

[Emerald Heart 24,559]

This:

 

 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Emerald Heart

[Dashy 4 Ever 4,832]

A nice jab to their crotch to liven up the situation and see how much of a "man" they are. 

Edited February 7, 2020 by Sondash Studios

[The Historian 515]

Laugh and tell them my name. Ain't no dude here, even if I resemble one. o.o