digitea

Critique Wanted Help me improve my OC!

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(edited)

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Cosmo is a unicorn stallion from Canterlot. Despite being an adult, he's a blank flank. He never got a chance to explore his personal interests because of his extremely controlling mother (I'll just call her Galaxy for now). Galaxy has always wanted Cosmo to learn as many spells as possible, so he can become a magic prodigy (like Twilight or Starlight). She believes that as a unicorn, that's the best thing Cosmo can aspire to be... Despite all the practice, however, Cosmo has a very hard time learning most spells.

Galaxy often criticizes Cosmo, saying that he's a blank flank because he doesn't try hard enough in his magical studies. This has broken down his confidence over time. He's ashamed to be a blank flank at his age, and often wears clothing to hide it.

For the longest time, Cosmo has had a habit of staring at flowers and plants, and he's not sure why.

One day, the Cutie Mark Crusaders are sent to Canterlot to help Cosmo. They make him try all kinds of activities, much to Galaxy's disapproval. Cosmo doesn't do very well in any of them... After a whole day of failing at various things, he feels like trash. Galaxy berates him for being so incompetent. Overwhelmed with sadness, Cosmo runs away with tears in his eyes. (Galaxy watches him leave with a growing feeling of guilt.)

The CMCs look for Cosmo, and find him sitting alone in a garden. He tells them that the sight of plants and flowers make him feel at ease. Then, the CMCs get an idea - they ask Cosmo if he wants to be a gardener. Cosmo rejects the idea, since he's tired of trying new things (and also because he can't imagine a unicorn having a talent related to the Earth). But the CMCs insist that he tries it out.

Cosmo gives in to their demands, and discovers that he can use his magic to grow and heal plants and flowers. (Note: Every unicorn has at least 1 spell they're good at, right? Like a special personal spell. So Cosmo's special personal spell is to grow/heal plants and flowers.)

Then, at that moment, he gets his cutie mark: a flower with a star inside it. He's filled with joy, and finally feels complete. The CMCs encourage him to stand up to Galaxy, and that's exactly what he does. Upon returning home, he tells Galaxy that he doesn't want to be a magical prodigy, and that he will follow his passion with or without her support. Galaxy realizes how overbearing she has been, and apologizes to her son. She promises that she will try to be supportive from now on. With that, the CMC's mission is complete.

 

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So this was supposed to just be a bio for my OC, but it ended up being a whole episode summary... lol

I'm surprised that the idea of an adult blank flank was never explored in the show, so I thought "why not do it myself?" And I also thought it'd be interesting to go against the usual pony race norms, and create a unicorn character who's connected to the Earth (like an Earth pony). Does Cosmo's backstory make sense? Does it even sound like something that could happen in Equestria? Let me know!

Also, how's his appearance? I definitely feel like it can be improved. Pink is my favorite color, so I chose that as the main color in his design, but I'm open to changing that. What do you think? Any suggestions?

By the way, I chose the name "Cosmo" because it means universe (which relates to his unicorn magic), but it's also the name of a flower (which relates to his love of plants/flowers).

Edited by digitea

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(edited)

I think this OC is as fine as it is. His backstory makes a lot of sense in my opinion, it almost resembles a show like event, much like an episode when you mentioned CMC. Overall, you did a great job creating the OC.

Edited by Flow
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I don't watch it, but his appearance immediately reminded me of Pearl from Steven Universe.

I don't think they explored the concept of an adult blank flank (outside of Gabby who was another species though) because it's either not possible or you'd have to be a complete shut in, living in really dark circumstances like having been locked in a basement for your whole life. I did read a fanfic once that explored something like this, can't remember what the cutie mark situation was. It was good but clearly not family friendly material.

There's also the difficulty of the CMC being late bloomers themselves, so encountering a pony older than them that's a blank flank is already very slim. The only pony adult I recall them helping was Trouble Shoes, and that's because he didn't understand the true meaning of his own Cutie Mark.

Unfortunately I can't offer much advice without critically changing the character you've come up with. I do like the cutie mark you've designed, in that it's unique but straightforward and simple. For now I would say, maybe do more with Cosmo's design as there is very little going on with a solid white coat and pink mane. The combination could also be considered effeminate, but for all I know that's what you were going for.

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I actually like everything about Cosmo! I think his appearance is really slick, with a hint of extra uniqueness from that diamond on his forehead. His backstory is quite compelling, and really does sound like it could be made into a real episode. Thanks for sharing!

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