flutterbard

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I have dyslexia!

Veterinarian 

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I can't turn left due to the earth is flat.

 

Walmart Greeter

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I have social anxiety.

Dunkin Donuts drive thru worker

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I love Big Macs!

Game show host.

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yeah I killed a man

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Fashion designer. 

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I love going around telling people that

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Stand-up comedian. 

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"There are three kinds of people in a term serving; one, because he's a patriotic, two, only joins because he got nothing else to lose, and three, because he likes the killing. Guess which one is me." 

Movie director. 

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