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Opinions about a future Fanfic


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Hello, Mares and Gentlecolts!

I came here, to hear some opinions about an idea for a future fanfic... Yeah, I already say it on the title. So, I´ll  try my best to describe all in a orderly way.

General Sinopsis: The title of the fic will be "The Hire of Starswirl" or "El Heredero de Starswirls" in spanish, that is my main language. The idea concists that the main character being a non magical race actually discovers how to do magic and becomes a mage, and after some incidents discovers that a great evil is threatening Equestria.

Narration: I want to give it a more medieval epic quest narration like "Lord of the Rings" because the story itself seems like one of those stories.

Bases: I base the adventure in a game called "MerchantRPG" which it has not a story, so I can make some interesting changes to it to make more enjoyable the quest. In these game, you a Merchant contract heroes to go in quests to give you materials to sell and make equipment, so being the main character a Mage would be part of a 6 member party for those quests. During the adventure, the party will encounter other races (Goblins, Murloks, Gnolls and the most important part, Undead Creatures).

Enemies: As I said in Bases, the party will find those enemies that sooner or later some of them will become allies. But some of them are different, for example in the game are Epic Bosses that are like final Zone Bosses (Queen Maexna, Basamus, Ares (not the olympic god) and others which are week bosses (Kraken, Leviathan, Magnotaurus, Kirin,etc). The first ones will be just a danger  the party needs to fight to make peace and allience the races in the world while the second ones are more like a special task (for example, we know for the series that Kirins are a pacific race but the Kirin in "MerchantRPG" is a more bigger and aggresive version of them. Something similar happens with the Magnotaurus, a Minotaur who is feared by his own species for being huge and a being without mercy, which causes a dispute with the race of Gnolls.)

Main Villain: The Undead Creatures are not able to be deterred because they serves to an Evil Master, who is Grogar, Father of Monsters, Corrupter of Corpses, user of the Magic Cowbell and being bearear of the Altus Necrus title. I dicided that Grogar will be an excellent villain, seeing that in the TV series both Tirek and Queen Chrysalis are afraid of him (make two of the more dangerous villains get scared of his presence is something to emphasize). But I can´t decide his motivation, world domination will be cliche so some ideas I´m having right now are this= (resurrect a forgotten Kingdom (Tambelon) to have revenge of the ones who destroyed his nation, jailing or control Death itself to make everyone inmortal (childhood trauma) or be a lunatic goat necromancer who wants to show everyone the beauty of Death provoking a massive masacre/genoside.

Secundary Characters: Some of the characters I will put in the story are Zecora and various OCs. Zecora is the first profesor who teaches the main character and guides him into the magic arts, Starswirls will be another teacher but in an advanced level of magic being a comic relief in some scenes (he is dead at the moment of the story because the idea surge when it was not yet known that he was trapped in a relic.). Some of the OCs will be for races of the fanfic world, like a pony with thin ears like elfs or even a race similar to the Argonians of Skyrim (I forgot to tell that the fic will be one were every character have an anthro body). This argonians will be a important part of the story, a family of those, will take care of the main character. The leader  of the family is a Merchant and every member of it has it´s job (Blacksmith, Armorsmith, Woodworker, Clothworker, Alchemist, Jeweler, Enchanter and Scribe (this are the jobs you have in the game to make equipment)). I want to add another job which will be Bartender, that job will be learned by one of the members that is a real close friend of the main character who over time becomes his love interest.

I think is all I have! I wanted to talk about the subtrama of the fic but is pretty late here in Argentina so for now, that´s all folks!

I looking forward for your opinions about it!


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¡Hola, amigo! ¿Cómo estás? ;)

That's an interesting premise (a non-magical character finding a way to use magic) :)
it involve using magical artefacts? (That's one way I can think of for a non-magical character to use magic).

However there's not much more to tell because I don't see anything involving the story in your description.

There's a helluva lot of characters, which I think you should work on, because too much characters is usually an indication that you don't have a clear idea for the story.
Characters in stories are not like NPCs in RPG games – they usually have certain roles to play in the story, one of which is to let the reader look at the story from several different points of view and confront them to make some point (or let the reader decide which one makes more sense). If there's too many characters, it becomes unclear what you are trying to tell through your story.

Unless not all of those characters are supposed to be main characters. In that case it would be nice to group them by their roles (main characters, sidekicks, villains, bosses etc.) and make a list for each group, with each character's name listed, plus its race, gender, age, profession, and a short description of the role it is supposed to play in the story. This way it would become more clear, for you and for us, what you're going to do with those characters and who they are.

Edit: Oh, one more thing came to my mind:
It would be interesting to think about the consequences of this character's discovery that he can be a non-magical magician. Because I think that this might change a lot of stuff regarding how the world works in MLP universe if this trope became more popular among non-magical creatures. It might also be hard for this character to keep it secret if that's his/her plan. After introducing such concept, it might become tricky to keep Equestrian magic in balance. But that's what makes this concept interesting ;)

Edited by SasQ
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Thanks a lot SasQ!

I´ll try to talk about every point you told.

I was thinking of magic items that are capable to unlock the magic spark inside someone. About the consequeces of non magical races been able to do it, well... I thought of a Mages Council which is secret for everyone else except for mages and the leaders of Equestria (Celestia, Luna, Cadence and the new princess Twilight who is introduce to it in an important chapter).

About the story of the fic, I tell you that the main character will be Spike who in a rainy day decided to read a book the "Basic Spells for Dummies" written by Starswirl. With time he decides to try to do Magic going with Zecora who explains that is actually posible. He enters later in a magic competition were after winning challenges the princesses to a "Kamu Duel" (a duel were the challenger fights the princesses to gain the title of "Hire of Starswirl") obviously he´ll lose (is something that happen at the beggining of the fic so I don´t want to give him to much power form the start) after all that he comes back to ponyville and days later he disappears. The reality is that someone contract a mercenary to kill him, who manage to do it, but after a travel in the Death World he encounters Starswirl who helps him to come back to the physical world with him. After knowing that someone wants him dead, decides to become more powerful going on a travel to learn more about magic and making Zecora promise to not tell everyone where he is (just to make everyone think he is missing and to the misterious enemy think he is dead). The thing is that during his travel make some new friends and discovers that Grogar is coming back with evil plans in mind, so him and his group decided to fight him.

The group of 6 character in reality will be of 5 members, this are they roles. As we know Spike will be the Mage, the other character are a Warrior, a Cleric, a Thief, a Paladin and a Bard. In "MerchantRPG" are more heroes such as DK (Dark Knight), Berserker and Assasin, who will be part of the army of Grogar resurrected as Undeads. The group of Spike or Queraku (a fake name to not reveal his real one for obvious reasons), are kind special. Because I can use them in some ways like the Cleric and Paladin who are characters that are guided by religion, I can make them characters who don't get along very well but over time they begin to understand each other. The Bard can cheer the party with his songs and storys and make some money as entertainment (in a certain kingdom) and the Warrior will be like the first friend of Spike/Queraku and leader of the party, making strategies and consolidating the group as a family lifting their spirits in combat.

Talking about the Argonian Family, as I said they be something important giving home the party, equipping them and teaching them some things (the Alchemist of the family is a great potion maker, so is important to learn from him/her to Spike and Cleric). The Bartender/Waitress is a young argonian girl that will be a near friend of Spike and with time a romantic interest so much things happends with her to make Spike learn and open emotionaly to her.

The journey in the fic is a way to see how Spike goes from a little baby dragon to a Mage that could surpass Starswirl itself.

If you can speak spanish, I would like to write it in that language because it kindy tiring to make it in english. There are some much things I want to tell but it will go to Spoilers. I don´t know if these clears some thing but I hope it will.

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