music The Yearly Test - A Nightmare Night Song

[EtherealSpectre 5]

  A song for nightmare night on nightmare night, about nightmare night. Why is it that every year? people gather from far and near, to dress in costumes so austere, and scare the pants off their friends. Perhaps they know some frightful stress, is in the long run best, to put foals and fillies to the test. And stiffen their resolve. Regardless the holiday will commence, whether or not it does make sense. To all I wish your night is tense, in all the ways you desire. Have a terrifying nightmare night, and all enjoy the fair moons light. For in the end its just one night, til the sun rises again.

Lyrics: https://www.deviantart.com/xertris/art/The-yearly-test-859857664

Image: https://www.deviantart.com/xertris/art/Mare-In-Moon-859866515

Ether Discord: https://discord.gg/USTmJVC

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Would you like some feedback on this song? I've got some stuff for ya. 

[EtherealSpectre 5]

Yes please, any notes you have would be appreciated.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Okay, be prepared...for this will be quite a bit. 

You definately nailed the atmosphere. Major thumbs up on that. However, there were three things that put a damper on this piece. 

1. Pacing - This was perhaps the biggest damper. You sped up right after the first part, which threw off that creepy Lord of The Rings vibe you had going on. The first piece that came into my mind when I heard this was Misty Mountains Cold. That piece has spectacular pacing, and even though the melody changes, the pacing and tempo still remain the same, which is key to keeping that creepy/spooky feeling. Keep that pacing the same, even when your instruments come in. Sometimes a stop and a change of pace without any forewarning can really throw your audience off, and it may take some time for them to ease themselves back into whatever mood you set up just before the change of pace. 

2. Vocal Tonality - I see you were really trying to go for that deep, low and airy vocal. The issue is that your vocals were somewhat nasal. In order to sing this sort of style, you have to relax and loosen up your body. Your vowels must be really tall and emphasized. I can help you with this style of vocal if you want me to. 

3. Lyrics - I hate to say this but after a second listen and read, I'm afraid your lyrics are suffering from cheesiness. You're telling way too much in your lyrics. Explicitly telling what events unfold is a major turn-off for listeners. Writing songs like this is like world building. You have to show how Nightmare Night is truly a test. You have develop your scenes with rhetorical elements such as similes and metaphors like this:

Petrifying yellow eyes glare like lightning

Drooling mouths of predators...

Showing in your lyrics can really enhance the scene. Remember, they types of ballads tell stories, so you really have to expand your lyrics out. 

All in all, great effort but in the end, these three elements listed above are what sadly put a damper on this piece. 

Please don't be discouraged by my lengthy feedback, for no one is perfect, but we can strive to be the best we can be. 

[EtherealSpectre 5]

2 minutes ago, C. Thunder Dash said:

Okay, be prepared...for this will be quite a bit. 

You definately nailed the atmosphere. Major thumbs up on that. However, there were three things that put a damper on this piece. 

1. Pacing - This was perhaps the biggest damper. You sped up right after the first part, which threw off that creepy Lord of The Rings vibe you had going on. The first piece that came into my mind when I heard this was Misty Mountains Cold. That piece has spectacular pacing, and even though the melody changes, the pacing and tempo still remain the same, which is key to keeping that creepy/spooky feeling. Keep that pacing the same, even when your instruments come in. Sometimes a stop and a change of pace without any forewarning can really throw your audience off, and it may take some time for them to ease themselves back into whatever mood you set up just before the change of pace. 

2. Vocal Tonality - I see you were really trying to go for that deep, low and airy vocal. The issue is that your vocals were somewhat nasal. In order to sing this sort of style, you have to relax and loosen up your body. Your vowels must be really tall and emphasized. I can help you with this style of vocal if you want me to. 

3. Lyrics - I hate to say this but after a second listen and read, I'm afraid your lyrics are suffering from cheesiness. You're telling way too much in your lyrics. Explicitly telling what events unfold is a major turn-off for listeners. Writing songs like this is like world building. You have to show how Nightmare Night is truly a test. You have develop your scenes with rhetorical elements such as similes and metaphors like this:

Petrifying yellow eyes glare like lightning

Drooling mouths of predators...

Showing in your lyrics can really enhance the scene. Remember, they types of ballads tell stories, so you really have to expand your lyrics out. 

All in all, great effort but in the end, these three elements listed above are what sadly put a damper on this piece. 

Please don't be discouraged by my lengthy feedback, for no one is perfect, but we can strive to be the best we can be. 

Discouraged? I'm floored. This is easily the best feedback I've gotten on any of my videos, let alone my songs and covers. Thank You very much.

The break up in pacing between the intro and the first chorus was intentional, but wasn't meant to throw anyone out of the experience. Thanks for pointing that out. 

If you have any resources for how I can improve my tonality please  Shoot me some dms here or hop on the discord server I have linked.

And your points of the lyrics are very well founded. The song was originally designed to go with a story that i haven't finished yet which adds more context. However more descriptions and less statements of fact would have been an improvement for the overall experience.  

Thanks alot Mr. Dash, with some of these tips in mind my future songs will splash.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,809]

Hey, I can personally give you and show you some tips. I've got vocal experience myself due to the fact that I'm a music therapy student. As far as the lyric writing, a really good exercise is to write a simple sentence that states a fact like "The girls are excited", and then, see if you can show the scene, as in the example, show what the girls are excited about from their expressions to mannerisms. You can find my discord on my profile. 

4 minutes ago, EtherealSpectre said:

Discouraged? I'm floored. This is easily the best feedback I've gotten on any of my videos, let alone my songs and covers. Thank You very much.

The break up in pacing between the intro and the first chorus was intentional, but wasn't meant to throw anyone out of the experience. Thanks for pointing that out. 

If you have any resources for how I can improve my tonality please  Shoot me some dms here or hop on the discord server I have linked.

And your points of the lyrics are very well founded. The song was originally designed to go with a story that i haven't finished yet which adds more context. However more descriptions and less statements of fact would have been an improvement for the overall experience.  

Thanks alot Mr. Dash, with some of these tips in mind my future songs will splash.