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twilight2.png.b4795f62dadbad1910343dfa62873540.png Rainbow Dash has been in a bad mood lately, and i traced the problem back to the Daring Do books, you see the latest one ended in a cliffhanger, and we all know A.K. Yearling takes her sweet time between releases, so i decided that the book club's first asignment will be to add a satisfying resolution to the cliffhanger and then we can surprise her with them.
let's see.. i had an exempt of the final page prepared, it must be around here somewhere..

Spike1.png.236940c068305150bb5b388ede0769d8.pngHere
Twilight.png.807edfd5bfab23a0bb028270647f174b.pngThank you spike.
Yearling.png.92e26f580fbb2595622692078fcf09c3.png "Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

valtasar.png.695f2bbbd92db6e8232c35729cf045ea.png to make this a bit more interesting, we'll make it a contest and give a special rank to the winner at the end of it like we do for the art challenges, the deadline is the end of the month

post your entries in this thread, preferably in a spoiler tag

good luck

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1 hour ago, Sparklefan1234 said:

@Lord Valtasar   I don't quite understand. Do you have to finish A.K. Yearling's story based on the prompt or do I create my own ending?

finish the story, build on what's there as if  you're writing the next pages so it's not a cliffhanger anymore. you can't change the previous stuff

4 hours ago, Metal Brony 42 said:

Is there some range for number of words?

no, do it at your own pace and comfort zone, the goal is to resolve the cliffhanger 

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(edited)
6 hours ago, Lord Valtasar said:

"Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

 

Spoiler

 

"Suddenly, the masked figure grabbed Daring Do by her shirt collar, raised her up to its face and whispered in a menacing, raspy

voice... "Gotcha!"!?" :confused:

What!? :BornAgainBrony:

Hold on! *reads* Rainbow Dash...Pinkie Pie...Prank!? :wacko:

 You should see the look on your faces! Priceless! B)

We got 'em good huh, Dashie? :laugh:

But...Wha?...:blink:

I swapped that book for the real one while Pinkie Pie was talking to you about which dessert would go best with an adventure story. :dash:

Good one, you two. :bea:

 

 

Edited by Sparklefan1234
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"Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

Spoiler

Before Daring could react a deep rumbling voice rumbles ancient syllables never heard by pony kind, "Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus!" 

Daring backs away as being comes fully into view. Red scales peel back from its razor-sharp claws. Daring's pony snout wrinkles from the sulphur and coal that emanate from its glowing red snout.  

"Bore da! Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus" it rumbles at her Gaelicly. The mask that was perched on the end of its nose slid about as it uttered the draconic phrase.

Daring Do knew how to deal with dragons who stole masks! She would buck it right on its nose. She would swipe the mask and flee! 

Like many times before, Daring swallowed her fear and went to strike the treasure-hoarding miscreant and swipe the treasure.

The dragon roared as it was struck and spewed forth more of its undoubtedly foul language, "Pam wnaethoch chi wneud hynny?" 

But as Daring went to swipe the mask... her hoof stuck into it!

The dragon opened its snout and belched flame. Daring tried furiously to free her stuck hoof but the 'mask' held her tight. As the infernal heat rose from the snout Daring calmed, accepting her fate with the dignity that is the heritage of adventure ponies everywhere. She said a prayer to Celestia and closed her eyes, thinking of blue skies... But after 1.. then 2 then 3 seconds no heat came! She dared to open her eyes.

The dragon began to make a strange noise... a familiar one even across the species barrier. Laughter! "Rydych chi eisiau rhywfaint o doffi?" it asked, and plucked her hoof out of the sticky mask, motioning with its claw for her to... taste it!? 

...

Long story short the Dragon was from a distant land. Wales! And it had just celebrated its birthday on 1st March :3 The mask was all it had left from the toffee cake that it had shared with its dragon friends. The real mask was elsewhere. Using sign language he told her not to steal it, since Welsh dragons valued it as part of their vanishing heritage. 


Happy St David's day :D

 

 

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On 2021-03-01 at 2:53 PM, Lord Valtasar said:

 "Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

Spoiler

A creature had revealed itself from the shadows. The mask was attached to a large hairy beast. It roared and then puffed out some smoke. It was a part bull part dinosaur like creature with huge horns as well as the claws which looked posed to attack.
A feeling of rage emanated from it.

Daring do felt uneasy   "Oh no, better run" :/

"Arggh" she yelled.
The floor quaked from the stomping of the massive creature.

All of a sudden, a pony mage in a cloak swooped in from seemingly no where.

A blue glow emanated from his horn.
Magic transformed the beast into a wooden carving.
Which landed in daring's hooves.
"Phew thanks, what was that creature?" asked Daring.
"An ancient creature who escaped from it's slumber" he replied.

The mage picked up the mask.
"Here you go", he handed it to Daring.
"Ooh" she said "thanks".

She recognised the mage. It was a friend of hers she had not seen in years. "Wow is it really you? Copper hoof?"

"Haha thanks, yes I came here as I felt the magical disturbance from afar and I thought I should deal with it".


"Hey after we leave here, you wanna chill?" Daring asked as she scrambled to leave.
"Sure thing" the Magician replied.

And they went to the cafe and had a drink.  Then Daring took the mask back as a important treasure it was.
 

Lol I tried somethin meh 

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(edited)
On 2021-03-01 at 8:53 AM, Lord Valtasar said:

Yearling.png.92e26f580fbb2595622692078fcf09c3.png "Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

Spoiler

Frantically, Daring Do tried pulling the lever back to its original position. 

 

"Eerrrrrgh! Uhhhhhhh! Come onnnnnn!"

 

Unfortunately, the lever was too old and worn to be reversed, and it broke off in her hooves, as she tumbled with it back away from the door.

 

"Oof!"

 

Daring Do rubbed the knee of her left foreleg. "Another day, another bump," she thought to herself. Her musing was quickly interrupted by a sound she didn't expect. Was that...bagpipes?

 

FFFWAAAAAAAA!

 

Yup. That was bagpipes. Daring Do liked bagpipes, but only when they were in tune. Unfortunately, these were so far out of tune that she couldn't even tell what the notes were supposed to be. 

 

Daring Do looked again at the door. The claws she thought she saw were actually just the black pipes of a massive set of bagpipes, being played by a masked racing driver!

 

Daring Do blinked; this is just too ridiculous. But despite blinking again and again, the driver was still there. Though unsure what to think, and even less sure what to do, she knew she had to do SOMETHING!

 

"Um... Hello?"

 

The masked driver looked at Daring Do for a moment; then began to laugh hysterically. 

 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FINALLY! I AM RELEASED! Thank you, little equine! You have freed me! Now I can play my pipes for the Gymkhana Opening Ceremony!"

 

He started playing their theme song. At least, Daring Do assumed it was SUPPOSED to be the theme song. It was so far off, though, that she couldn't help but cover her poor ears against the assault. It was even reverberating off the stone walls! The horrid sound was enough to make a grown pony cry. In fact, her eyes shed a few tears. 

 

The driver then continued his boasting. 

 

"They thought they could keep my wonderful music away! But thanks to this marvelous equine, I can share my sounds with the WORLD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

 

The driver walked past Daring Do, continuing to play, and occasionally breaking into fits of maniacal laughter. 

 

Daring Do had heard enough. Much more of this, and she might have permanent hearing damage. There was only one thing to do. 

 

In a fantastic maneuver, Daring Do took the broken switch in her hooves and pierced the bagpipes clean through. Not stopping, she yanked the mask off the driver and stuffed it into her saddlebag. As she made her escape, she kicked a trap she noticed earlier, and the whole place crumbled behind her. As she flew away, she heard the mournful cry of the deflating bagpipes, as well as the useless threats of the driver. 

 

"NOOOOOOO! My precious pipes! I'll never be able to play them again! I'll get you for this, little equine!"

 

Daring Do smirked. Some adventures had their unique satisfaction, even if the physical rewards were unusable. 

 

Edited by DJSuits
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21 hours ago, Metal Brony 42 said:

Here is a link to my story.

 

Wow! I wasn't expecting to see anything this long. I'll have to finish reading this later. 

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54 minutes ago, DJSuits said:

Wow! I wasn't expecting to see anything this long. I'll have to finish reading this later. 

She only just now got to the city.

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  • 2 weeks later...
(edited)

@Lord Valtasar

Here you go. :eager:

 

Spoiler

Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. After hours of working through traps in the Temple of Gymkhana within the Badlands, Daring Do had finally layed eyes upon the silver mask.

 The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway. 

Daring Do looked back to Dr Caballeron and his hench ponies. They looked to each other in a concerned fashion. Daring Do would do a gesture to them. The massive claws inched forward, leaving slight scratches on the doorway. As they looked closer, they could see the claws were made out of shadows. The shadows began to swirl around the mask.

A dark feminine voice would sound from the shadows, "It would be wise of you to flee at once, we wouldn't want any pony getting hurt, now would we?" the voice would chuckle darkly. 

"You will not retrieve the mask for your dark deeds again, Shadowbinder." Daring Do would respond in defiance. Caballeron would look on with a disturbed, yet defiant glare. 

The voice would chuckle again as the massive claws of shadow would lurch forth into the room, revealing a writhing shadowy mass that was flowing and swirling with viscosity. "Shadowbinder? Is that what they call me these days? I will not allow your futile attempts to stop me. Enough pleasantries."  the voice would say in a warning, enraged tone.

Daring Do would then suddenly fly forward in an attempt to grab the mask while the shadow being was distracted. While she was able to grab onto it momentarily and feel its smooth silver surface, she was suddenly thrown up against the wall. Caballeron and his hench ponies wasted no time, and began to engage the shadow being in combat. One of them fired a laser from some sort of a laser pointer.

Daring Do would huff in pain as she was thrown up against the wall and was left to drop down onto the floor. She quickly got up and dusted herself off while Caballeron and his hench ponies were engaging in combat with the shadow being. She joined them in the combat, the shadow being soon smacking them away with its large claws which began to transform into that of tendrils. 

The black tendrils began to wrap around the mask, lifting it high above. Daring Do would fly upwards it. "Wait!" Caballeron would call out to her. Daring Do was so focused on retrieving the mask that she didn't see another black tendril forming. It wrapped itself around her quickly and began to constrict around her tightly. Daring Do would growl as this occured.

Caballeron would whip out a blade and jump up, then slicing the tendril around Daring Do apart from where it was grabbing her. The tendril that had wrapped around Daring Do would vanish and Daring Do would fall to the ground yet again. "Ugh..." she'd pant in pain.

The voice chuckled again. "You are so focused on your heroism, yet...you forget so easily."  the voice would say, waving the mask high up in the air with its tendrils. Then, the shadows began to transform and swirl. The hench ponies, Caballeron and Daring Do could only back up in intrigue, yet also horror at the transformation.

 The shadows swirled and changed shape, revealing a white unicorn mare with a mane and tail of various shades of blue. The mask was lowered down onto her face and there was expressions of shock drawn across the faces of the ponies in the room. Daring do and Caballeron would run forward at a fast sprint towards her, backed up by Caballeron's hench ponies. Daring Do would manage to land a punch onto the unicorn mare, while Caballeron would remove the mask from her head.

The hench ponies would quickly pull out rope and begin tying up the strange unicorn mare. Strangely enough she did not seem to resist as a wide menacing grin would form across her face. ["You really think that will work? Think again." she'd say as the shadows behind them would begin to swell in size and take monstrous forms.

"Oh yes it will, now lets get out of here." Daring Do would say and they would begin to walk out of the room. They were all unaware of the presence of the silent shadow monsters. The mare then grinned wider as all of them felt themselves lifted into the air by them, and promptly thrown against the wall. Dizzying them a bit, they all grunted.

Daring Do and Caballeron's determination would not falter. Caballeron would look to his second in command, Biff. Caballeron would nod and Biff would fire a laser with his device at the unicorn. It left a mark on her and the mare would growl in the pain caused by the laser. The shadows would promptly tear her loose from the rope and surround Daring Do and the others.

An idea crossed Daring Do's mind, and she brought out her flashlight. The shadows seemed to writhe in pain and diminish. The Unicorn mare would growl at this. "You will pay for that, heathens!" she'd say. They would notice an amulet around the mare's neck. It began to light up.

"I have a feeling we shouldn't stick around..." Biff would say, while the other hench ponies began to get nervous. "No, we are retrieving that mask!" Daring Do would say determined. She would run foward at the mare, while Caballeron would do the same.

The mare would stand there and not move, the mask now put on her head. Nothing seemed to happen with the mask, yet the amulet around her neck would continue getting brighter...and brighter...

Just before Caballeron and Daring Do would reach the mare's mask, there would be a large flash of green energy. Caballeron would shove Daring Do aside. "W-what are you doing?!" Daring Do would shout. "Saving y-" Caballeron would speak and then was cut off. To the horror of all of them, the green flash had apparently turned Caballeron into stone. 

"BOSS!" Biff would scream. "No! Doc!" another would shout, while the others were too caught up in the moment to say anything. Daring Do would stagger and her mouth was drawn agape by the horrifying sight of Caballeron hitting the floor with a loud THUD, as stone as a statue. Caballeron was jumping midair, shouting as he was turned to stone. His emotions and features were frozen in time.

The unicorn would then promptly run down the hall with the mask. Quickly they would look to each other.

"Biff, you are with me! Withers, Pickpocket, carry Caballeron outside! We cannot risk him staying in here, you know the way back, it is safe! We'll come up with a plan with for him later!" Daring Do would quickly say quietly to them, so the unicorn who was running away wouldn't hear them. With one final nod, Daring Do and Biff ran off after the unicorn.

Meanwhile, Pickpocket and Withers would begin the long process of hauling Caballeron's stone form outside of the temple. They knew the way back, but the stone Caballeron was quite heavy and they with all their might would push him. They had already dealt with all the possible traps on the way in so all they had to do was push him outside. It was going to take a while.

Daring Do and Biff would chase the unicorn down the hall. They caught sight of the unicorn taking a turn to the right, and followed. There were some traps layed up ahead resembling pressure plates. Quickly, Daring Do and Biff guessed the right ones to step on and had managed to evade any trouble. The unicorn was heading for the other exit.

"Who is this pony again, Daring Do?" Biff would ask quickly.

"We do not entirely know, but her real name is Magnolia. From what I know, she is after artifacts of power. We must stop her from getting away with the mask!" Daring Do would huff as she ran faster, Biff would keep up.

"With the mask, she will be able to...to overpower the guardians...and claim the badlands for her own! We cannot allow that!" Biff would reply, Daring Do would only nod as they would continue.

More twists, and turns, a long with more traps being avoided would eventually lead way to the outside. While they had seen Magnolia running out the door, they did not see her outside. Outside, the landscape was that of a vast orange desert. It was barren, with various ruins of structures about that once stood here. The sun was at high noon. They both could feel the wave of heat as they approached the exit.

"Wow...Holy shit. I had forgotten exactly where we were..." Biff would huff, while Daring Do remained in her firm resolve and silently press forward carefully. They began to sweat at the extreme heat of the desert, and their eyes would adjust upon looking up at the pale orange sky above.

Daring Do whispers to Biff. "She couldn't have gone far. She is likely waiting outside, ready to pounce. This heat would have stunned her for a bit, though. We are only exiting a few moments after she left. Be on your guard." Daring do warned. Biff would silently nod as they cautiously began to walk outside. They felt the sun beaming down on them, making them sweat more. They looked all around carefully, Magnolia was nowhere to be seen.

They continued to search, walking to the outside of the temple. It was a stepped temple. With stairs that had went all the way down. They up quite a ways, and looked over the ledge while Biff turned to make sure Magnolia wouldn't push them over the ledge. Down a ways they could see Magnolia resting with some sort of shadow swirling around her passively. It seemed she was cooling off and resting. 

"There she is." said Daring Do in a whisper.

"Now how will we go about this? Will you fly down there to strike at her? What will I do?" Biff would ask quietly.

"You will serve as a distraction, while I will hide. When she sees you, I will strike from behind and take the mask off her if I can. If that fails, then we will reverse that plan." Daring Do stated tactfully.

Biff would gulp. "...Sounds like a plan. If that fails, then I'll pull out my rope and lasso her." Biff would state.

"Lasso her? We can do that as well. After I have the mask, you lasso her from behind. I see why Caballeron would pick you for his second in command...while we've had our differences in the past he has proved a worthy adversary and now, a trusted ally." Daring Do would smile slightly.

"Well the thing is, Caballeron is no longer with us. Nor are the others. I hope they managed to get him outside. It will take days to haul him back to base camp. And then after that, we will have to find someone to undo the spell. They know what to do, even if we fail here they will still be able hopefully return to base camp and call for help." Biff would reply, having total confidence in their other allies.

"Well first things first, we have to take the mask back. On my cue, there is a rock over there. Act like you tripped over it and the rock will be sent flying over the edge, while I will go down the stairs before you do so and hide at an adjacent angle and strike from behind." Daring Do had commanded, Biff would go over and get into position.

Daring Do would quietly walk down the stairs, constantly observing where Magnolia was. Magnolia did not hear of Daring Do's step down the stairs. She'd give a hoof gesture to Biff, who pushed the rock over the edge. The rock hit the next level below with a loud crashing sound, Magnolia instantly snapped into action and looked up to see where Biff was.

"Oh you little shit! You are too far clumsy for your own good! Let me show you what happens to those clumsy." she'd grin maliciously. From her back, wings of shadow would sprout and then solidify. Biff began backing up when he saw that in clear terror. Then, Magnolia flared her wings and flew straight up to where Biff was.

Daring Do smirked, her plan was working. She flew up quietly, and quickly. She carefully flew behind Magnolia as she was flying at Biff, placing her hooves close to her head and then...she took the mask right off and kicked Magnolia down to the ground below.

Magnolia growled. "A trick!? You will pay for that, scum!" Daring Do would not reply, and only smirk as she herself slid the mask of Gymkhana right onto her face. Daring Do felt a wash of other worldy power wash through her. She felt in touch with her surroundings to a much higher degree. Her vision had felt like it had increased by a factor of one hundred. She hovered there for a split second, processing what had just happend.

As she was processing what had happened, Biff had quickly ran down the stairs and lassoed Magnolia up. Magnolia would growl. Due to the beaming sun down on her, her shadow magic was far weakened than it would normally be. But the sun was no longer at a perfect apex above the temple, giving rise to small shadows at certain angles. With these shadows, she formed tendris that lurched forth and knocked Biff over. Biff had fallen down the stairs somewhat, before stopping his fall. His jaw began to bleed from that.

Daring Do glared down at Magnolia. "You will not get away with what you have done here today, I will not allow you to get away unanswered for your crimes." she'd say with a harsh but triumphant glare.

"Oh but you see, I can...and I will!" Magnolia would chuckle as the tendrils broke the rope that surrounded her. After the rope was broken, they began to zoom forth towards Daring Do. They wrapped around Daring Do's legs and pulled her down. Daring Do would struggle, feeling the tendrils constricting her legs. But still, her wings would keep her...perfectly still in the air. It was not what Daring Do had expected, and she figured the mask had given her the power to resist Magnolia's attempts to drag her down.

In the distance, a statue of a monkey began to transform. Daring Do, Magnolia, and Biff could only watch in amazement. A deep green magic would burst forth from the monkey statue. The statue was partially buried in the sand at the foot of the temple. It seemed to...unpetrify itself. 

A large, monkey like beast with intricate flower designs was revealed. It must have been four times the size of your average pony. It had two tails, with hands on either. It's fur was a deep green color, its eyes a deep orange. The creature would look up to the fight scene above. And then, began to bound up at the steps. Magnolia had proceeded to release Daring Do upon the sight of the creature.

"NEITHER OF YOU WILL ESCAPE WITH THE MASK OF GYMKHANA!" the creature roared, the words seemed to shake the very air and structure around the place. It had sent chills through all of their spines. Including Magnolia.

Soon enough, the creature drew closer before standing before them with a harsh glare across its face. It looked to Daring Do, and seemed to tilt its head at sensing something within her.

Daring Do looked to the creature, almost at a loss for words. "...I was sent here by one of the guardians to retrieve the mask, and put it in a safer place so...she would not be able to reach it." she pointed to Magnolia, speaking truthfully.

The beast chuckled. "That will not be necessary, for I, am a guardian myself. Guardian of the badlands to be specific. Now, give me the mask. I will take it to its rightful place." the guardian would smile honourably.

Daring Do would slightly smile to what was spoken. "That is what I was planning on doing anyways. I did not know there was a guardian here." she'd gracefully take the mask off and give to the guardian.

"My name is Xochchi. And as for your little friend..." he pointed to Magnolia. "She won't be retrieving this from me again. Go warn the other guardians. I have a feeling your friend hadn't gotten what she wanted." he would smile knowingly and would turn to enter the temple. 

Daring Do would suddenly pipe up and say, "She froze one of our others into stone! Can you help us with that?" she'd ask and Xochchi shook his head. 

When the others were distracted, Magnolia prepared a spell. "This isn't the last any of you have seen of me. While you may have foiled me this time, next time you will will be MINE, Daring Do!" she shouts and with a blue flash, she teleported away to an area they couldn't see.

Xochchi seemed to not pay mind to that. "I cannot. My purpose is to guard this temple. I am sorry to say, but your quarrels are your own. Not mine. Good luck." he'd give some sort of gesture to Daring Do and Biff. Then, he'd vanish into the temple and bound away in the dark.

Daring Do and Biff sighed.

"We couldn't capture Magnolia...but we stopped her." Biff forced a grin.

"We now have a long...long way back. Let us find the others." Daring Do said tiredly and smiled, thinking of Xochchi. She wanted to see him again, but now they had to get back.

Later on, Biff and Daring Do met with the others who were hauling Cabelleron's stone form out of the entrance just as they approached. A long conversation about the events had happened had passed, and they began to haul the stone statue off into the desert.

Just like that, they forged on. Like them, Magnolia had forged onward too.

 

Edited by Califorum
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  • 2 weeks later...

Ooooooooooh!  Writey-style-type things!  Me likey!

Right - as I have been asked to put my two bits worth in on the contestants' entries, I shall do so now; down the list I go:

 

@Sparklefan1234: I have to admit - didn't see that ending coming.  This is an interesting way to do as Valty asked, but in a unique way.  If there were any issues, it was the length of the reply and the fact it didn't actually solve the story's problem... but it solved the problem, all the same.  Very creative!  }:)

@abrony-mouse: Cute.  Bonus points because I have Scottish heritage.  The intense buildup was one of my favorite parts of this, as it just helps sell the silliness of the situation once it unfolds.  I'll say that such an enormous buildup can be picked out as a bait-and-switch, but it's good to see it done so well here.  A fine job!

@flurry:  Indeed, you did try something.  You managed to bring the situation to an end, and even threw in another character (an OC, I presume) to help out.  Not bad, not bad; I could pick it apart with a fine-tooth comb, but this is for fun - and as someone who gave it an effort out of nowhere, I applaud you.  My thanks for doing The Thing!

@DJSuitsBagpipes?  Another Gaelic reference... I have to say, I dunna mind that!  Well, it certainly ends the situation, though quite abruptly.  You went into a bit of detail, which I liked... though I can't help but feel I'm missing a gag, here.  Do forgive me; I don't get out much.  Thank you kindly for your entry... though I frown on Bagpipe Abuse, for future reference.  *chuckle*

@Metal Brony 42WOW Talk about going above and beyond - you're leaving Wonderbolts behind with this one!  Characterization, depth, foreshadowing, plot advancement... you have most certainly done A.K. justice with this addition to the story.  AND you managed to not only get her out of the situation, but even had more in store for us!  Are you writing on FimFiction, by chance?  'Cause it's THAT good!

@Califorum:  And this was just as fascinating as Metal Brony's (though MB's was longer); you introduced other characters (kudos for the Cabelleron inclusion), a villain, and even worked up the tension of the situation.  Of course, I'm fairly certain A.K. doesn't use swear words... but in light of the contest being for fun, I'll let it slide on this point.  Well done!

 

As far as it goes, had I to give a vote, it would sit either with Metal Brony or Califorum.  BOTH have very good entries, long and involved, which not only bring closure to the situation, but actually enrich the story itself through their wordplay.  The dedication it takes to write something like their responses is commendable, though I'm happy for each and every one of you who entered, and I thank you all for sharing your talent with us, be it genius or humorous.

However, if there can only be a single winner, I would have to cast my vote in favor of Metal Brony 42.

When I saw the response was in a blog, I knew it was going to be something special.  Reading through the sentences, I came to the realization that, were this a story on FimFiction, it would most certainly be something I'd read.  You have a skill here that many can't say they possess, and I feel that you have quite a lot going for you within the writing circle.  Again, I ask if you're already on FimFiction, because the addition you made to the story reads like some of the more well-crafted stories I've seen on that site.

I'm glad I got to be a part of this; creating things is one of my favorite hobbies, and writing is among the things I create.  It does my heart good to see not only the talent involved, but to see others peeking out of their shell to be a part of something like this.  On behalf of the staff here at MLP Forums, we want to thank each and every one of you who participated... and thanks also go to those who enjoyed reading the entries, too!

@Lord Valtasar, my mission is a success, and my job is complete; one is glad to be of service.  *bows humbly*

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@Randimaxis

I did a Google search for Gymkhana, since that's what the mask was named. I figured I should include some reference to what it actually is. 

Apparently, Gymkhana is a timed automotive race. So I put a racecar driver in the story. 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gymkhana_(motorsport)

As for the abrupt ending, I was actually trying to keep it short, since I thought the point was to *only* end the story. (I thought there was supposed to be a word limit or a recommended length, so I was trying to stay within that limit.) Since the goal was to end the story/resolve the situation, that's what I did. 

As for the "bagpipe abuse," it's a commonly used trope in animation. And I was trying to keep things lighthearted. 

Had the player in my story been a good player, I probably would've went with a hypnosis idea. That would've made the story longer, though. 

Thank you for your review. I'll keep in mind that next time, I can write something longer. 

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Congratulations, @Metal Brony 42:squee:

 

11 hours ago, Randimaxis said:

@Sparklefan1234: I have to admit - didn't see that ending coming.  This is an interesting way to do as Valty asked, but in a unique way.  If there were any issues, it was the length of the reply and the fact it didn't actually solve the story's problem... but it solved the problem, all the same.  Very creative!  }:)

 

 I did technically "finish" the story even if I didn't solve the problem, it just wasn't a long resolution. :P

Also, I'm more of a comedy writer than an action writer which, explains why my ending deviated from the plot. :twismile:

I am glad that you enjoyed it all the same and hopefully I will be able to do better next time. :BrightMacContent:

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