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critique wanted Need ideas for a re-work of my Spirit OCs and others


Props Valroa

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Looking for critique on character designs, cutie marks, plot, and personalities. Basically everything.

I'll start off with the general plot.

These characters come from a roleplay I had years ago. There are various differences with it, and the canon world. The mane 6 never got together, though Twilight was still Solaria (Celestia) and Lunara (Luna)'s student. 

Luna came to manage her Nightmare form, fusing herself and Nightmare Moon together to create Lunara. While Celestia at some point did the same for Nightmare Star. They are 'good' versions of their Nightmare forms and put up a Princess named Aurora in charge of Equestria while they went out and battled entities across the land. Solaria eventually merged with Eruption, while Lunara with Lumino / the Moon Lord (explained later)

Spirits must merge with 'host' bodies in order to survive in other worlds, if not, they wither and die.

It started with 4 mysterious spirits invading Equestria. Unknown to the heroes, my ocs, canon characters, and others they were controlled by a fallen hero Earth pony named Summerstone with a special artifact called the Recombination Jewel. Their names were Vorelatex, Stardustel, Nebularion, and Eruption. They forcefully possessed 4 ponies that had a similar personality to their own, my characters and other heroes defeated them and set the spirits and the ponies free from their control, and eventually they had paired up with them, willingly merged.

Spirits merge with ponies by having them step inside of a circle of colored rocked, paralyzing them in mid air and then merging their energy with the nervous system of the pony.

A spirit in their natural form is an orb, and when merging, they will shove that orb down the throat of their 'host' and it will sort of spread out within them, once it completes, a massive explosion of energy and a colored beam shoots off into the sky.
 

There is an alternate elements of harmony, too, which they used to defeat enemies and reform them / free spirits from the control of Summerstone.

However for the longest time, they never knew the spirits were being controlled. Summerstone is the main villain of the story, being some sort of fallen hero who wanted to bring glory to his town, he is from the spirit world. There are 2 worlds. The planet Equestria is on, then the other dimension where the spirits are from. There are normal populations of ponies and creatures there.

The spirits themselves, at least the main 4 had their souls split up into rocks with a special blade, called the Spirit blade that could retrieve souls from a pony. The spirits had attacked years ago, then split up and then all of a sudden, they had escaped containment and their souls came back together, and that is the 'main' start of the RP. The original setting of this RP was in a town beyond Equestria. Equestria is just a country on a much larger, spherical planet. 

This RP took place beyond equestria.

The Moon Lord is, he had some sort of pact with the 4 'main' ones, his cutie mark was a grey orb with different balls of light representing each spirit revolving around it. He was the leader of the 4 spirits, after that ancient pact was made. 

He basically thought them as disobedient children when they were  under the control of Summerstone.

And he himself was an alicorn.

A spirit has the power to control your body, do what they want with it and know your thoughts. They can lock you away in your own mind and you'll never see anything again if they so choose.
 

The spirits merged with others, because they cannot physically exist within other worlds than their own. If they go there without a 'host' body, they will wither away and die. 

As for what the spirits represent, I will tell you now.

Nebularion - The Mind

Vorelatex - Velocity

Eruption - Fire/Sun

Stardustel - Cosmos and the stars

Retin - Sight

Strontio - Might

Invidas - Spite 

Letolance - Light

Dirnavor - Suffering

Cryptor - Fright

Vinictium - Darkness

They spread their influence using their energy.

This is just some examples of their landscapes. Each spirit has their own biome and land that they have 'influence' over.

Vorelatex - A green grassy field with storms constantly swirling. Hives of large Wasp like creatures in the clouds, a large pillar in the middle.

Retin - A yellow grassy field with a large pillar in the middle. Floating eyes around it.

Lumino - The moon

Nebularion - A dizzying landscape of flowing rivers of purple mist. Purple grass, and creatures roam about. Don't go into the mist. You die.

Stardustel - A very blue landscape, calm, peaceful.

Eruption - An erupting volcano / volcanic landscape

The elements of harmony existed. Twilight and Nightmare Moon were the only canon members part of them as well as Trixie.

Twilight  and Letolance - Element of Magic

Lunara (Nightmare Moon) and Lumino - Loyalty 

Clair - Honesty 

Trixie and Strontio - Generosity

Dunewave - Laughter

Stardustel and Azure Star - Kindness

Clair is a former criminal who had her left eye sealed shut with a rune. With that eye, she can see into the future by a few seconds. Azure Star is a filly, who is sweet and kind.

Each spirit has unique weapons, territory, and personality based on what they embody.

As for the actual plot of this setting it involved Trixie showing up at that town lead by a princess named Princess Ruby. Eventually for whatever reason, Twilight, Solaria, and Lunara came about there after hearing about the 4 spirits (Vorelatex, Stardustel, Nebularion, and Eruption) starting to invade the planet starting there basically. Then, they sought out help from other ponies from other areas, coming across Dunewave (alicorn of the desert, and ruler of a desert / Egypt inspired town). Dunewave fell in love with Trixie, they would recruit Dunewave on the battle with the spirits.

Another pony named Clair, who had one eye. The other eye was sealed shut with runes. She was a former criminal who had done something pretty bad in the othertown's past. Eventually, the ponies had gotten her runes off and she was able to see into the future. She was a brutally honest pony. They battled with the spirits in various fights, defeating them with the elements of harmony after they discovered the elements. 

The spirits themselves, the 4 ones were 'set' free from Summerstone's control and 'reformed', were all sorry for what they did. Twilight was able to defeat Nebularion by tricking him into thinking she was joining his side, and then they used the elements of harmony on him. From there, the story got extremely convoluted but they had gone after other dark forces in the world as well as the pony behind all of this.

One of the evil spirits.

Dirnavor - Spirit of suffering.

Dirnavor and her army of ponies without skin live in an underworld / hell accessible by some sort of cave. Dirnavor ruled there and was unknown by all others. She never provoked anything, she was possessing an alicorn named Ace Shot (who could fire arrows perfectly). When the group came to her she proceeded to create voodoo dolls of them, and tortured them. She was recruited by the group in their journeys as an ally, but eventually the group turned their backs on her and betrayed her. For revenge, she had her fleshling army invade the town of a hero (I forgot his name) that the group was allied to and had the entire population dragged down into the cave and tortued and beaten by her fleshling army for revenge, she felt betrayed.

In the end, there was a brutal battle between the population of fleshlings and normal ponies from the town. The group fought, almost getting killed several times. Dirnavor was one of the most powerful due to her ability with voodoo dolls, and even after her army was killed in battle she put up a fight, and even when they jailed her somewhere else, she still fought. Eventually with the soul blade, they were able to reveal Dirnavor's TRUE form for all to see. 

Dirnavor's real form was a brown unicorn mare, red eyes and with a mane that looked like flowing blood and a cutie mark of a blood soaked knife. Then, she was blasted by the elements of harmony and...turned into a small unicorn foal without any memory of what had happened, without her cutie mark and was adopted by the group and took the name 'Ember'. She was easily scared and shy.

Collapse, my OC was indirectly responsible for genociding a race of mole people who lived underground, she accidentally leaked a...mysterious dizzying purple mass into their territory from below. She had a habit of fucking with things she never should have. Collapse had merged with Retin willingly. Other spirits would come involved later on.

 

Now for the spirits personalites.

Letolance is extremely passive, yet whenever the darkness is mentioned he is extremely angry. He is a bit timid.

Retin is observant of everyone and everything. Extremely curious of what goes on in the world

Eruption is bone headed, easily pissed off and will fight at a moment's notice. His anger fumes easily.

Vorelatex is nervous yet sly. Never takes pride in what she does despite being the fastest pony in the world (she created a network of portals across the land to get even faster).

Stardustel is loving, sweet and innocent. Doesn't like to harm others.

Nebularion is extremely precise, intelligent, and logical. A micromanager who would get angry when plans went wrong.

Lumino is the leader of the spirits. Very leader type personality, sometimes harsh, but caring to those he likes.

Aquasalis is distant. Prefers to be alone in the ocean and uninvolved with others as much as possible.

Strontio likes to show off his skills and strength, yet is extremely generous.

Glacid is the ice spirit, a filly who is easily scared and timid yet she likes making ice sculptures.

Images. 

Vorelatex.

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Eruption.

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Solaria.

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