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Ron Jeremy

Fan Fiction "We don't go to Ponyville"

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This is a short fanfic I wrote. My first fanfic, in fact. Inspired by a joke I made in a thread. This is my version of the events that take place after the events of Half-Life 2: Episode 2.

 

Critique and comments are accepted, of course, but keep in mind this is mostly meant to be humorous. And now, on with the story!

 

“We don’t go to Ponyville”

 

It had been a few days since Gordon Freeman set off to find the Borealis. After Eli Vance was killed by an Advisor, Gordon silently vowed revenge. There was an awkward silence. Alyx was flying the copter while Gordon kept an eye out for Combine snipers. Nothing eventful had happened, in fact, they hadn’t seen many Combine at all. Breaking the silence, Alyx shouted “There it is! That’s the Borealis!” As the copter closed in and landed, Gordon could see “Aperture Laboratories” in large letters on the side of the ship. He knew that Aperture had worked on portal technology. There were odds there was some on board, and if the Combine got ahold if it, they could use it to bring in armies.

 

In the ship, there were plenty of scattered papers. There were signs of struggle. The Combine had been here, but there were no sign of them still being here. No Combine vehicles nearby, no comm sounds, no gunfire. Gordon did the only thing he knew to do: Started hitting everything with his crowbar.

 

Twilight Sparkle tossed and turned in her bed. She couldn’t sleep. She had a nightmare where a mysterious colt named the G-Colt appeared, and told her to “Wake up and smell the cupcakes” and to prepare for “unforseen consequences”. She didn’t know what to think of the nightmare. For some reason, she remembered the Parasprite swarm that had infested Ponyville a while ago, and pondered the meaning of “unforseen consequences”.

 

After hitting enough wall panels with his crowbar, a secret compartment opened with a strange, hand-sized device. Printed on the side of the device were “A.S.H.P.D” with the words “Aperture Science Handheld Pony Device” in small lettering underneath it. Gordon picked up the device, but before he could put his finger on the trigger, Alyx shouted “Gordon! Don’t fire that! We don’t even know what “pony” means! It’s probably a nickname for the Combine world!” Gordon then reached to hand the device to Alyx. Alyx grabbed at it, but didn’t have a grip on it when Gordon let go of it. It fell to the ground. Sparkes flew out of it, and portals started appearing accompanied by electrical sounds. Gordon had seen this before. This was a resonance cascade.

 

Strange, colorful round insects started appearing en-mass, and forming cocoons. “What kind of aliens are these?!” shouted Alyx nervously. Gordon tried smashing into the cocoons, but there were barriers protecting them, similar to the ones protecting the Combine advisors. Suddenly, a large portal appeared that pulled Gordon and Alyx into it. They both blacked out.

 

“What these are, I do not know. They appeared with quite a show!” spoke Zecora to herself, as she glanced at the two unconscious bodies she witnessed appear in a green flash while looking for herbs in the Everfree forest. Of all the creatures she had seen, she never saw anything like these two creatures. They sort of resembled monkeys. Nonetheless, she prepared a potion to wake them up. “This special potion will do the trick, bring them back to consciousness quick! When Twilight comes, I will awake them, it’s safer to wait until then!”

 

Twilight made her way through the Everfree Forest to Zecora’s house. The forest was unusually spooky today. She kept thinking she saw the G-Colt in the corner of her eye, but if he was there, he hoofed it before she could see him clearly. As she reached the steps of Zecora’s house, the G-Colt’s words echoed through her head... “Unforseen consequences”. Zecora had sent for her earlier about some strange creatures, and was hoping her extensive studying would help her be able to identify them. Were these the “unforseen consequences”?

 

“Twilight Sparkle, you are here! Bring that potion over here!” said Zecora, happy to see her friend. Twilight Sparkle grabbed the potion off the table and handed it to Zecora. Zecora poured the potion down the throats of the creatures, and they started groaning and moving. They were waking up. Twilight Sparkle had never seen any creatures like these in any of her books. They were wearing clothes, so they were intelligent. She nervously waited for them to wake up.

 

Gordon Freeman looked around. He had no idea how long he was out. He saw he was no longer aboard the Borealis, but was in some sort of primitive shack. He saw a zebra, and some kind of purple horse, talking. Was this the Combine world? How could the Combine come from a world this primitive? These creatures seemed friendly. In a Combine world, nothing would be friendly.

 

Alyx Vance came to, and asked “Why are we here? What are you? Are you Combine?” to which Zecora replied “What are Combine, I have no clue. What is your name, and how do you do?”

 

Twilight Sparkle stepped forward, saying “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and this is my friend Zecora. You are in the Everfree Forest, outside of Ponyville. We have no idea who or what a Combine is, but we aren’t going to hurt you.”

 

Alyx Vance, Twilight Sparkle and Zecora talked for about an hour, telling each other their names and filling the ponies in on how they got there.

 

“So, these monsters, headcrabs you call them, have invaded your world? And the Combine?” asked Twilight. Gordon Freeman nodded. Alyx replied “Yes. Our world has been taken over by the Combine. When we woke up, we assumed we were in the Combine world.” Suddenly, there were loud electrical sounds. Alyx, by instinct, grabbed her pistol and charged out the door. Gordon followed with his crowbar.

 

The ponies, huddled inside, heard disgusting smashing sounds, and loud bangs. They charged outside, wondering what these sounds were, and saw some strange creatures being pierced with a weird device in Alyx’s hands, and the mute man smashing these creatures with a crowbar. Twilight Sparkle, shouted “What have you done?! You have killed animals? Do you KNOW when the last time animals were killed here was?!”

 

Alyx responded “These are headcrabs! We must head to this Ponyville you spoke if, it is in grave danger”.

 

Twilight Sparkle was shocked, horrified. She remembered the G-Colt’s words clearly. “Unforseen consequences.” Were the creatures appearing the “Unforseen consequences” of Alyx Vance and the mute man, Freeman, appearing? Only time would tell. They all banded together and set out for Ponyville.

 

Fluttershy was tending to her garden, when a weird fat bug jumped out at her. She shrieked, and jumped 3 feet in the air. Realizing it was an animal, she calmed down, picked the thing up, and asked “What are you? I’ve never seen an animal like you around here.” The creature made a strange sound, and jumped on Fluttershy’s head. Fluttershy, her voice muffled, shouted “Stop hugging me so hard! That’s not nice at all!”

 

Alyx heard screaming, and ran ahead of the group, to see what the commotion was. She saw a yellow, winged pony with a Headcrab on it’s jead, flailing about. She could save this pony, but it wouldn’t stand still. She couldn’t get a clear shot at the headcrab. Huddled in a bush, Alyx tried to line her sight up with the headcrab in a way she wouldn’t accidentally hit the pony. She thought that if she couldn’t get a shot in a few seconds, she would shoot this yellow pony out of mercy. Just as she prepared to shoot the pony, the headcrab fell off, dead, the pony uninjured. The rest of the group arrived, and went in the house.

 

“-And then, after hugging me like that, it just died.” said Fluttershy to Alyx, still shook up. Alyx took a closer look at the pony’s face, and said “My guess would be that headcrabs are biologically incompatible with the organic structure of ponies. Good thing, too, since headcrabs could zombify Ponyville without any difficulty.” These ponies were defenseless. This place had been a haven from the Combine, from the Xen, until recently. Twilight Sparkle laughed, and said “The only pests that have ever given is a problem were little round bugs called Parasprites, but we managed to get rid of those, sent them to the Everfree Forest.”

 

Rainbow Dash crashed through the window, picked herself up off the floor, and shouted “There are massive worm things flying around Ponyville! Everypony’s panicking!”. Twilight Sparkle sighed, saying “When will this end? First these two weird visitors, then these giant bugs, now fat worms. Will Equestria ever be the same?” The words echoed through Twilight Sparkle’s head: “Unforeseen Consequences”. What an interesting letter to Princess Celestia this would make.

 

“Advisors.” spoke Alyx, coldly. “They’re the ones that killed my father.” Fluttershy, Twilight, Zecora and Rainbow Dash stood there, silent. Never had they heard of such rampant death in all their lives, but today, they kept seeing and hearing of things dying. Breaking the silence, Fluttershy shrieked and pointed at an Advisor floating in the sky. Without saying a word, Gordon Freeman jumped on Rainbow Dash’s back, and pointed at the Advisor with his crowbar. Rainbow Dash, thinking to herself “This is the perfect opportunity to be a hero!” took off toward the advisor. Once in the sky, Gordon gestured Rainbow Dash to fly in close to the creature. Rainbow dash muttered “Sheesh, why doesn’t he just talk?” and flew in. Gordon tried hitting the creature with his crowbar, but it’s shield protected this. Seeing this, Rainbow Dash got an idea, and took off into the sky. “We’ll get through it’s shield, just watch!”

 

Rainbow Dash few so high into the sky that he started to sweat. He could see headcrabs running around the streets of Ponyville, trying to zombify ponies and dying. Tiny as ants from this height. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash flew downward rapidly, toward the creature. Swinging his crowbar wildly, he held on. Rapidly the creature got closer. He could see the sound barrier starting to break. What was this blue pony doing? Suddenly there was a colorful explosion, and they slammed into the Advisor. Gordon saw the barrier was gone, and embedded his crowbar deep into the thing’s face. The Advisor let out a sickening sound, and disintegrated.

 

Rainbow Dash and Gordon landed safely, all the ponies he had met, and Alyx, were staring at him and Rainbow Dash, shocked. Gordon was about to say something, but before he could, a pink pony bounced in shouting “The meanie creatures are disappearing? Do you know what this calls for? A party!”. Alyx turned to Twilight Sparkle and said “It seems that Advisor being killed is causing the aliens that appeared in Ponyville to disappear just as quickly.” Before she could say anything else, she and Gordon were suddenly back about the Borealis.

 

Gordon walked up to the cocoons, that had previously been the round, colorful winged bugs. One of them started to open, and out of the cocoon crawled a baby Advisor.

Edited by KKR
  • Brohoof 3

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Very nice, I like the name G-Colt "wake up and smell the cupcakes"

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I didn't mean to make a list of tips, heh, sorry about that. I tend to review alot on a fanfiction website, so this is purely out of habbit.

 

Paragraph 1: Pros- Freeman having that revenge urge is a nice chracterization you gave him, since we don't know anything, quite literally, canon about his personnality. I like how you decided to add something of the sort for him.

Cons- You could have snuck in some more detail after the first three lines. Alyx landing on the Borealis (You also could have told where they landed, something like "We landed in what looked like the cargo holding area...") felt abit sudden. Adding more detail before then would've helped make the scene feel abit longer, thus making it seem less surprising.

 

Paragraph 2: Pros- That problem I said for the last paragraph is invalid for this one. You did a good job with detail here, since those same details also helped set a mood of mystery as to why there's no combine ^^. Plus that last line was great XD

Cons- You may want to avoid repeating word sequences near each other, like "There were" and "here" in this paragraph. My personal suggestion to fix that particular case is: "In the ship, there was scattered papers, as well as signs of struggle." "The Combine had been here, but there was no sign of them still being around"

 

Ok, I really shouldn't take apart every paragraph huh?

 

Hang on, I have to go, I'll finish this later.

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@Flare: I made that up on the fly. Glad to see it amused someone other than me. :P

 

@RedvsYellow327: Thanks for the tips. I'll keep them in mind next time, if there is a next time. Might even make a few tweaks to this one in a little while. I'd still call it pretty good for my first, though.

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By law I am obligated to read this fiction.

~~~

Well that was fun.

By no means does it have the completeness or detail that a great and serious fiction would command, but it was enjoyable enough. Fun prize

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if there is a next time.

 

Oh No No No! Don't stop writing fanfiction because of what I said! ;_; This was still fun to read, I encourage you to continue writing!

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By law I am obligated to read this fiction.

~~~

Well that was fun.

By no means does it have the completeness or detail that a great and serious fiction would command, but it was enjoyable enough. Fun prize

 

Yeah, there are parts I kinda got lazy and didn't add enough detail to. Had I not written this in one sitting, it might have turned out better.

 

Besides, serious fiction? It's a story where Gordon Freeman ends up in Ponyville. :P But I get the point.

 

Oh No No No! Don't stop writing fanfiction because of what I said! ;_; This was still fun to read, I encourage you to continue writing!

 

No no no, I didn't say I might not write more because of what you said. I said I might not write more because, well, I dunno why I said that. http://mlpforums.com/public/style_emoticons/default/dry.png I most likely will continue to write, even if it's not fanfic. Maybe even get back to that novel I gave up on.

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Gordon Freeman, AND ponies, well this certainly has just made my day, not too bad as well.

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