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Bullying: Experiences and How to Deal With It


Dr_Waveband

Bullied or not?  

77 users have voted

  1. 1. Have you ever been bullied?

    • Yes, I have been bullied.
      59
    • No, I haven't been bullied.
      13
    • I don't remember if I have been bullied or not.
      4
    • I am a bully.
      1


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Oh yeah, I get talked about behind my back at school every year, usually because I'm awkward and just plain weird. This one girl, she just asks questions about me and I give reasonable answers, and then she laughs. I once overheard a guy say "God, she's just so weird." No physical bullying, thankfully, but a lot of talking. I've come to the conclusion that it's just the price one pays when they try to stand out like I do.

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When I was in 6th grade, just about my entire class hated me. I had a total of one friend. To this day, I have no idea why. I was never mean to anyone. I didn't think I was that different. Yet I'd get the majority of the flack from everybody. The people in my class were manipulative, petty and incredibly mean. They'd constantly confront me in order to give me crap or get me in trouble. I hated going to school. It was like a living hell. They'd call me "grease" because they all claimed that my hair was greasy. I showered every night, so it's not even like that was true. They just wanted something to pick on me about. I guess when they couldn't find anything, they made something up. I'd always tell my mom about the kids in my class. At one point, she confronted the kids in my class. They made up an excuse for their behavior. She reported back to me "It's okay. It was just a big misunderstanding." I think if I had facepalmed any harder, my eyeballs would've popped out of their sockets. When I entered junior high, I was positively terrified of everybody. I didn't trust anybody, anymore. I didn't talk anymore. I figured that if I didn't say anything, nobody would have anything bad to say about me. As a result, I had a really hard time making friends in junior high, as well. This impacted me in a major way, and I've still never completely gotten over it.

 

As kids, we don't always have a lot of power. There's not a lot we can do on our own. We can't fight back physically. We can fight back with words, but that can only get us so far, especially when you're the victim of a situation. We only have a few people we can turn to. If we're lucky enough, we have friends. But your friends are basically in the same situation as you. Maybe not in terms of bullying, but in the sense that they don't have any authority over bullies. Maybe if you have enough friends or someone who's really brave and willing to stick up for you, you might have a line of defense. If you don't have friends like that, though, or if you don't have friends at all, you're kinda sunk. You can turn to your teachers. However, for petty, isolated incidents, this gets filed under "tattling," which we're strongly encouraged not to do.

 

Read more...

 

I'm going to go off on a tangent, here. Tattling is something that I feel isn't taught about properly in schools, or at least, it wasn't at my school. We're discouraged from tattling, but at the same we're not really taught what that is. I think that may be some kind of ploy, because if you tell kids not to tattle, and you don't tell them what it is, you can avoid any situation you don't want to deal with and just call it "tattling." As a teacher, this is my understanding of tattling. Tattling is when you tell about things that aren't important in order to get another student in trouble. And I've heard probably some of the worst tattles out there. "He's got a piece of paper!" "She's erasing something on the desk!" "He put something in his bag!" Give me a freaking break. So it's understandable why you would want to discourage things like that. Seriously, it gets to be overwhelming. And I get that. However, to me, tattling needs to be about something unimportant to be tattling. The getting someone in trouble part is definitely an element. However, if someone tells on someone else for calling them a rude name, I don't think the motive of telling matters, at this point. The name-caller needs to know that they shouldn't be calling other kids names, and the name-callee (?) needs to know that they can come to the teacher if they have a problem. And I get, also, that this gets to be a thin line between what should be handled by the individual and what should be told to the teacher. That doesn't mean that every incident is tattling. Rather, I think the teacher should have a dialogue with the student (possibly to be informed to the parent, so the dialogue can continue at home) about what they should and shouldn't do in that situation. Because honestly, you're gonna be called a name every now and then. Eventually, telling someone just becomes stupid and pointless. When it becomes a problem, though, you need to have someone to go to.

 

Anyway, to continue what I was saying earlier, isolated incidents are thought to be tattling. However, these isolated incidents build up, become not so isolated anymore, and cause problems for the individual. I think if the treatment is chronic is when it starts to become bullying. But, ah! You were already told not to bug teacher with things like this. So, basically, if the teacher goes that route, you can count them out as an ally against your bullies.

 

Then there are your parents. Probably the best and at the same time the worst resource at your disposal. Your parents want what's best for you. They want you to be happy. They don't want you to have to deal with emotional tourment such as this. In this way, they're good people to come to for solace. And being that they're sympathetic, they're good people to seek advice from. They're almost always gonna be on your side, and they want to help you. However, they're bad people to go to in the actual solution to the problem. They can't exactly go to the school and stick up to your bullies for you. And even if they do, this only begets more taunting and teasing toward you. Like you can't fight your own battles, and you need Mommy to do it for you. It would be good for parents, instead, to talk to the teacher, in this kind of situation. The teachers are more willing to appease the parents than they are the students. However, it's possible that this will only end up in broken promises, and with you having exhausted all your resources, being left with nowhere else to turn.

 

So, basically, we have a few avenues we can take. Unfortunately, none of them are really very good, depending on the severity of your situation. It's unfortunate, and it needs to change, but for now, unfortunately, that's how it is.

 

Edited by Clover Heart
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  • 6 months later...

I was bullied when I went in elementary school. It took a few years for me to realise what I have been throght. But I had friends in my class, but we where all bullied by the other. Sometimes I got home having bruising on my body because my classmates could push me into tabels and walls.

 

At first I was angry at the other kids who made me and my few friends suffer. But then I realised something. "What did the teacher do about it?" I thought recently. It was here I got a shock really, because the teachers who saw everything happening did nothing to stop it. All times I was sad they told me that It was my fault to be over sensetive that "It's just for fun", "boys will be boys" and "They only do that because they like you." If they showed that they liked me thought telling me how ugly and dum I was all the time and pulled my hair and followd me home after school.... UGH. When I was little I always thought that my teacher was right about how sensetvie I was and that they only did it for fun. It was I that needed to change, not them. It was I who was "over sensetive" not them because they apparently did it because they liked me!

 

One day after school they chased me around the schoolyard. They pushed me so i fell into a snowpile, they pulled my hair and of course they all laughed at me and thought it was more a game, even if I was crying. Then they got tired and I could finally start walking home. But one of them keept following me home and decided to give my hair one last pull before he was finished. After this, I told my parents what happend (mainly because dad asked why I was so late from school) and my mom called my mentor and told what had happend to me. What did the teacher do? All she asked from them was to say "sorry" and nothing more.

 

I can't understand that she tought a simple little "sorry" would stop everything. But I could do nothing more than accept it. So now days I'm more angry at the teacher who did nothing to help me and my friends, than the bullies who did it.

 

I'm sorry for the long text and all, but I needed to clear my head from my thoughts. xD My english is not the best either because I'm tired and I don't really feel like double checking my spelling in a long text like this.

Edited by RESHFF
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I can't say I've ever really been Bullied per say, I mean I've only been in public school since 8th grade year(I'm a freshman in highschool now.) so I haven't had much time for it anyways, and really and truly our school is pretty strict on bulling anyways.

 

I guess I've been talked down to sometimes, expecially in the beggining when I first arrived because I didn't know anybody and people just thought I was naive(I guess I was, and still kinda am) of course it still happens now, (Or atleast It feels that way) but idk. I typically just try to ignore it, I'm normally to shy to say or do much of anything to worry anyways. I have pretty low self esteem for myself in the first place, so its kinda hard for bullies to actual make me feel any worse I guess :P.

 

I've never been around a real and true outright bully though, my schools pretty good at being more or less free from bullies, which is good. Bullying can be quite difficult to deal with though, kudos to the ones who've actually dealt with the real harsh bullies. Takes some strength to do that.

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I was bullied a few times in elementary. 

Once was in 4th grade, I was being picked on for being bigger than everyone else (taller and a bit heavier). 

that ended in that grade level when I punched the guy in the face. He went crying to the teachers, got me in trouble, but it stopped.

2nd time, was also in elementary. Similar case, but ended with me kicking the guy in the a**. Again, he went crying to teachers, I got in trouble, and it stopped. Neither times was I in trouble with my parents though. In fact they were glad I stood up and fought back :P 

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A few years ago, well in high school. I was bullied for a few reasons, but one was for dating a black girl. I eventually talked to the Admins and teachers about it. It helped a little.. but i kept praying something would happen to him. And about 2 or so years ago now, i learned that kid ran from the cops in Kansas and even killed a cop. He got a few years in prison for it.. so i guess revenge was given.

 

Just be tough about it, eventually everything will be alright :)

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I was only ever bullied once, and it was when I was like 13. This one guy who was a couple years older than me would just randomly always punch me for no reason. It was weird, cause I didn't even know the guy, but I guess I was an easy target cause I was small for my age (I still am lol)

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My experiences of bullying are probably very minimal to some. In fact, many people most likely wouldn't call it bullying at all. But it definitely had the same effects as bullying.

 

From Kindergarden to 5th grade, I had this "friend". She was actually very mean and bossy, but she had no other friends. And I felt kinda bad for her. So, I was her only friend for that entire time. This girl had an "enemy". This enemy was the most popular girl in class. Because of the hatred in between them, somehow I got dragged into it. For being this girl's friend, I was outcast from most of the rest of the class. I basically kept being this girl's friend and was hated by everyone else for it.  :(

 

In 6th grade, that ridiculous, mean girl left. Thank the Lord! Once I was free from her, I was able to actually be myself around the others, and though I never really got super close to any of them, I was at least able to be friends with them.  ^_^

 

So, basically, from this whole, crazy hullabaloo, I learned that although you should try to be friends with everyone, sometimes, those people aren't worth your friendship. And while that may sound mean, if I had stopped trying to be that bossy girl's friend, I would have been much happier in the long run.

 

In cases of true, physical bullying, my best advice is to tell an adult. Seriously. Although it might sound absolutely terrifying, they have a better chance of stopping the bullying than you do on your own. After all, the more people you can get on your side, the better, right?

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I used to get teased all the time, but I've never been truly bullied. Usually, when someone attempts to insult me, I'll take it as a joke and laugh it off. I know that's easier said than done.

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The last time I had an actual bully was in 6th grade.He bullied me because he thought I was gay(Which I obviously wasn't)He told me stupid stuff like "IF you put your hands in your pockets I'll hurt you!" 

But the most weird thing was that he did that kind of stuff to me in front of the class(Even in front of the teacher,and the teacher didn't stop it)Luckily,after a month later.He forgot about me completely.Yea he was one of those bullies who didn't think before doing. 

 

 

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When I was younger I was often bullied in school for being different and for having few (or no) friends. I know how horrible it can feel, and I could have used some support and advice back then. People don't always seek help when they're bullied, simply trying to ignore it, even when they're hurt by it. I feel that a discussion of this topic could prove both interesting and helpful.

 

So, share your experiences and thoughts. Have you been bullied? Have you been a bully? What do you think one could do in such a situation?

In my life, I have dealt with quite a bit of bullying. Mostly verbal, but I take it fairly seriously, since I have a lot of social anxiety. However, I mostly try to ignore it, bottle it up, and forget about it. However, one particular instance, I didn't just ignore it, and it didn't turn out very well:

 

I was in the seventh grade towards the beginning of the school year, and, having lived all my life in a fairly secluded place and going to a private school, I didn't know how to fit in very well at my new public school, despite my desperate attempts at it. In my science period, I sat at a table with 3 girls who were definitely of a higher social standing than I was at the school(that is for sure). Anyway, I tried to talk to them and fit in, but, of course, they did not like me at all, and proceeded to insult and taunt me("You have no friends", "You should go die", "Everybody hates you", etc.) the entire period every day. This coupled with having 0 friends and a lot of social anxiety caused me to take their insults very seriously and view everything they said about me as true. After a while, I just stopped all attempts at associating with them altogether and ignoring them.

 

Eventually, one of the girls decided to ask me(I guess seriously?)"Do you want to murder me?". And I, being the eternal sarcastic bastard, decided it would be a fantastic idea to fuck with her by saying "Yes. I have my pocket knife right here, even." That wasn't the best idea, and the 3 of them went and told this to the vice principal of the school. Of course, them being the bright young girls and me being the social outcast who won't talk to anybody nor look them in the eye, it was clear I was a huge bully who wanted to strike fear into these nice, young girls. They searched my stuff(ripped apart some of my things, too), found no knife, called my parents out for a conference, and decided to suspend me for a few days for an idle threat(<-- put that on my permanent record) that was meant to be amusing.

 

tl;dr, I guess the moral of that bullsh*t'd be to ignore bullies and try not to take what they say/do seriously. And, certainly, don't threaten or act out violence in response to them.

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I've been bullied during almost my whole elementary school life. It started out as teasing and all that but later on it began to turn into violence and all that crap.

 

To sum up the things they did: They stole my stuff on a daily basis, insulted me openly both during and outside of class, they shut me off from the rest of the school by spreading rumors bad enough for people to stop associating with me and thus justifying their insults, beat me up during breaks and outside of school, ganged up on me whenever they saw me.

 

Back then I was still a pacifist and only practiced martial arts for self-defense so I never fought back and took it all. I didn't really care about them anyway, nor did I care about the rest of my classmates or the teachers.

 

However, often had it crossed my mind if I shouldn't just beat them up, they always ganged up at the same places, mostly at a park with a pond where no one ever shows up really. That was the year before my final year of elementary.

 

Soon enough instead of thinking about beating them up I thought if I couldn't just kill them or drown them in the pond, no one would ever notice that really and it would serve them well, those pieces of trash don't deserve to live, not even now. But I calmed myself down and said to myself that I only needed to get through 1 more year and it would be all over.

 

So next year, the bullying got even worse, a few more people joined that stupid trio, but it ended with a set of 5 people who would become regular bullies.

 

Nearing summer vacation they did something extremely unforgivable and that's when I snapped. I took a metal pipe with me the next day and waited for the school to end, they also had to go to the same direction to get home so they always followed me until that one park mentioned earlier. Well, I guess you can figure out the rest, took my metal pipe out of my bag and beat them up pretty badly, I broke the big guy's nose, choked the other guy and made sure every single one of them couldn't stand anymore. And that's when the bullying finally ended.

 

Many people would tell me that violence wasn't the best option and yes, it isn't, at all. But after a while (AKA 7 years), telling the same thing to my parents and teachers over and over again (I'm being bullied real bad and it just doesn't stop) and their concern turning into annoyance ("Geez, when are you going to stop, we know you just want attention, it's called teasing, not bullying!"), you get kind of fed up with the bullying. See people, at that time I was 12, fucking 12, it's not like videogames or television makes me violent, it's crap like bullying that made me act to such an extremity. Heck, I could've also killed them if I couldn't control myself. It's the fact that people make violence because of videogames and television such a hyperbole and violence and suicide because of bullying such a euphemism. People should start taking bullying serious because it can and does destroy peoples' lives.

 

Anyway, that's my story. And what did I learn from beating them up? Next time when someone fucks with me, I'll beat them up a degree worse than what I did to them, nobody is ever going to do that shit again to me.

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lol I didn't ever really experience bullying until fifth grade, when my parents got divorced and some really stupid crap happened (such as becoming homeless). I was just a lot more emotional and sensitive where as before I'd be like "okay cool" and just go on with my life.

 

I think it was either 7'th or 8'th grade that I eventually became the bully. From what I remember, unless I was physically trying to harass someone just having them ignore me usually put me off to the point where I wouldn't bother with them anymore. I hear all this crap about "lol bullies only pick on those who are weaker yadda yadda yadda" and allow me to say for the most part that isn't true because in reality I was actually much lower than anyone I bothered harassing and I'm pretty sure that many bullies would feel the same way. In fact, you wanna know something? The fact that these people were just overall better than me just fueled my anger towards them and got me into so many fights holy crap.

 

I'm not like that anymore but hey just ignore the bullies and move on.

Edited by Lord Bababa
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When 2nd grade started for me, I was always bullied because I was different and I was weird. Kids would beat on me and pick on me and they were horrible. The next few years got worse and worse. I was called bad names, told to go die, and was the nerd of the school. Middle school came...yes I wasn't exactly the most attractive girl ever because I was diagnosed with depression which caused me to be very uncaring about myself so I kind of let myself go. I was always picked on by this same kid through middle school. His name was Tyler Ragan (Who just got arrested today :D) and he was horrible to me. Called me an ugly creature, to kill myself, pushed me around, told me lies, and everything. He was always targeted after me. People told me that he "had a crush on me" and I thought, BULLSHIT! If he had a crush on me, then he wouldn't be this horrible. He wouldn't have told me to kill myself and shit and told lies to my friends. He was a big fatass loser. I had no friends, like only 3? or less?

 

Highschool hit and I changed. I went out of depression because I made friends with a lot of older grades than me and I was pretty cool. I was told a few hints, facts, and advice from my newer friends. Now whenever someone tries to bully me, I laugh in their face and make fun of them back. I used to be very sensitive about everything and would cry. I only shed tears of anger now a days, but even then, I haven't cried in....I don't even remember :P But yeah, I dealt with it by Karma, teachers, parents, my older protective cousins and now just not caring and laughing back. Now a days, I just deal with drama, even then, I haven't had drama all year cause I give two shits. People has tried to start it with me, but I backed off and laughed. ^_^

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This one of the things that I absolutely detest. Throughout high school I saw some other be bullied just because they were quiet or just seemed as an easy target. People would get in groups and make fun of people walking down the halls just to make themselves look better. There were times where I did step in on occasion. Bullying is sickening and it is wrong to treat someone that way because you never know what someone else could be going through!! I feel so bad for those who get bullied because it is not their fault and they have done nothing to be treated like that.

 

The most important thing to me is that you never know what someone else may be going through. People who bully others just to make themselves feel better about themselves makes me sick.

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My school system was fairly small, everyone knew everyone, and that made it all the harder to get away with anything. 

 

So, in tern, any bullying was limited to minor harassment, otherwise people knew they would get caught easily. That and around here if you hit anyone, out of all likeliness you will be hit back with equal or greater force.

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Elementary school and middle school were pretty bad for me. I have to say when high school hit, aside from a group in my English class in 11th grade, it all turned to drama. Of course, I only made it more dramatic. xD Or more like... D: Geez I was such a drama queen. I know I still have it in me. Beware.

 

Anyway, I have never perfectly fit the expected definition of normal for my sex, which has always got me made fun of, even before I really knew how I was acting different in elementary school. In middle school I became more aware.

 

Shockingly enough, the most "bullying" I have dealt with since that one class in high school is at work. At work we have some... interesting personalities. Some people that get really pissed off when things don't go exactly the way they want them to. And I'm not talking about getting promoted, just merely how our jobs are laid out each shift. This last week this happened and I was in the center of it, because god forbid I worked a day different from what I usually work to make it easier for me to have a long day of school on Monday. This one guy flew off the handle because I 'stole' his job and during the first break and lunch he sat with his little group within listening distance of the table I was sitting at with my friends and decided to keep on bringing it up and referring to me by all kinds of derogative slurs against LGBT people.

 

Oh well, I don't care. Until I'm put into situations of potentially being physically harmed they're just words. I actually don't care when people call me such names. What I cared about in this case was that it was him. He's a cool, nice person to talk to most of the time. And not one I would have ever thought to call me names. There are other coworkers that are jerks all around and refer to me by such terms more often and I don't care. It's just, why him? I thought he was above such things.

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I can't say I've been bullied much, but when I went to Catholic school around Kindergarten the kids all ignored my existence and the teachers hated me because (yes, even when I was 4) I listened to Metallica and such, and I have Asperger's Syndrome, which to those teachers and the nuns and stuff at the school meant, "HURRDURR RETARD DUUURRRR!!!!" The teachers would always pull me up to the front of the room when I didn't understand something or did the usual "rebellion" four year olds typically do (NO I DONT WANT TO SING ALONG!, etc.) and say something like, "This is what happens when you don't listen to God, you become like this kid!" which would cause everyone to stay a five mile radius from me. I don't remember much, I was very young and my mom told me about a lot of this.

 

Other than that, I rarely have been bullied. Ocassionally I get a kid or two at my school telling me I'll go to hell for listening to "evil music" like Marilyn Manson or because I'm an agnostic atheist (I go to a normal school now, but its like 99% christian kids) or for being a brony, though. Yeah, it's kinda all religion based for some reason... I don't have anything against peoples' religious beliefs, but that's kinda where most of the bullying I received has come from for whatever reason.

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The only time I had to deal with bullying was in middle school. Pretty much the worst 3 years of my life, I wasn't a tattle-tale but I was able to get anybody that bullied me into trouble. Now, that I'm in high school I fight my own battles.

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I used to get picked on, not in a very serious way usually as I've heard other people are. I'm now in Homeschool because of it though at the moment. 

 

When I was in first grade one kid would always threaten to beat me up at recess to the point of me hiding while I was out. Nothing was ever done until my parents came down to the school. 

After that year was done we ended up moving houses for reasons and for a few years things were fine. 

But, instead of just the kids, the teachers were 'bullies' too. 

One shining example of this I noticed in a experiment where the kids switched classes to a different room for a week. I watched a teacher during a snack break would take away snacks that were 'unhealthy' and then later give them away to other kids as prizes. And that pretty much was borderline stealing and the teacher didn't care whatsoever. 

 

After noticing things like this for a while we confronted the school and they all denied it. For the years up until middle school the school itself would shit on us as much as possible for insulting their authority and way they run their school.

 

At middle school the kids themselves would get worse, some teachers were still downright rude and unprofessional. But they would also do nothing about the kids. One example would be two of the prized sports team kids throwing me into a wall and threatening to break my arm after I accidentally bumped into him in a line. By this time I found these incidents funny, and especially because this kid was dropping the N word more times than Lil' Wayne in a typical song by him. I later on saw this kid and his friend get praised by the gym teacher as a shining example of a good student.

 

The only other thing besides that is when a child walked up to me while I was eating with a thumb tack between his fingers and told me to buy him lunch or he was going to stab me. I refused and he proceeded to violently stab my arm with it. Afterward he was let go with no consequence due to the fact he had ADD 

Evidently, he had trouble paying attention while he stabbed me so it was okay.

Edited by Hypno
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(edited)

I was bullied all of middle school. It was horrible. I sunk into a really deep depression, my grades plummeted and I can't remember ever being happy in middle school. In eighth grade I got pantsed (boxers included) infront of the whole cafeteria. I was in a rage and shoved the kid (who had at least 150lbs on me. He's a football player and a wrestler) all the way onto the ground and was about to kick him as hard as I could in the face. I then regained my self control and stopped myself before I could actually hurt him. I then gained a horrible nickname that some people keep using today and it still hurts me, just not as much as it used to. I became even more depressed and to get out of it, I got sucked into fantasy books through books, movies and games. I began to write my own stories and even just journal entries to express my feelings. That really helped a lot but I was still depressed. In the summer moving into my freshmen year I promised myself that I wouldn't be bullied in highschool. Around the middle of September one of my old bullies began to insult and even shoved me up against a locker. This kid was also larger than me but I lost control at this point. I hooked him in the cheek with my right hand and then as he staggered back I wailed on him with my left (I'm left handed.) I got a solid five punches in before I regained control. He was honestly so surprised he didn't even hit me back even though he could've easily taken me down. I felt horrible so I ran into the library (I love books and libraries. They're so peaceful. I'll go in libraries if I need time to be alone and think.) Anyways I felt terrible at what I had done so after mulling it over in the library (I missed my whole first period) I went into my guidance counselors office and confessed. There were no teachers around in the hall and there's this kind of unspoken rule that when kids fight witnesses won't go and tattle (though this rule has been broken a few times if it's in a bully hurting a victim type way.) Anyways my counselor told me he couldn't tell anyone himself as anything spoken in his office was between student and counselor, unless it posed a danger to someone else or I gave him permission. He advised me to go the the principal and tell him what had happened. So I went and did that but first I went and found the kid who had bullied me. He was in the middle of our shared math so I walked right in shook his hand, apologised and left. Anyways I went and met with the principle, punishments were dealt out and the matter was settled. 

 

TL;DR Sometimes violence will solve your problems but there are other ways. Always try to maintain self control, chances are when you physically harm someone you'll feel horrible about it when you regain control.

 

Anyways at this point, I'm a sophomore now and my old best friend had turned into a huge jerk. He's turned two of my other friends against me, one of whom I've been friends with since elementary school. I'm trying really hard to move away from that circle of friends so I can tell people, other than my parents, how I feel without fear of being judged. Any advice anyone has on that I would really appreciate.

Edited by jackw545
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I was bullied a lot in middle school by a group of jerks. It was horrible, and this "group of jerks" were the poular kids. So they got away with everything <_< . I didn't have any friends and everyone hated me. They thought I was the creepy kid in the corner and would call me names as they passed me. I remember they would call me a "fag" even though they used to punch me in my groin. At that point I really wanted to kill myself. I was going to kill myself because I figured that if I did nobody would give a fuck. Either that or I would pull of a "Columbine".

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