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working on a fanfic :)


Bbplsloveme

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Here i am, just a normal kid at a normal middle school, jerks will tease me for being a brony

"Hey dude! dude! seen rainbowdash around?"

They would say in my face in their most retarted mimication of me. "I wish i could vocalise the things im thinking"

i would utter under my breath. why are bronies put down? why are there so many people who hate me?

If only they could see past thier ignorance for a second and see that we all liked shows like that when we were young,

just some idiot said it was "uncool" one day.

i wish i could just go into the world of equestria, where i wouldnt have to deal with all those... i cant even say what they are!

where everyone loves and tolerated, where pinkie pie is everyones friend, no matter what they like, where i would have no

care in the world. but no. i have to deal with total dumb butts for over seven hours, hoping that that bell would ring,

but for what? for me to go to my next class and get picked on by another group of jerks, or get a small releife from them for

but 4 minutes? its like the time either goes my too slow, or runs by too fast, why cant the time stay at my pace of my slow mind?

________________________________________________________________________________

 

how is it going so far?

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Well, I'm gonna give you some sort of constructive criticism :3

 

 

-Use proper spelling.

If you want to be recognized as a writer, please improve your spelling. Go over your posts, read them over, make sure the spelling is fine, and you didn't misspell some of the words.

 

-Use capitalization.

While this isn't as big of an issue as spelling, capitalization is always important. Replace the "i" with an "I" and capitalize the first word of each of the paragraphs.

 

-Use punctuation.

I see a lot of coma's, but a lack of periods, make sure to add one at the end of ever sentence. ;)

 

-Story Building.

To be Honest, it looks as if you made this as soon as you made the thread, I wonder if you have an actual storyline. Brainstorm your ideas, and then write them down, make a rough draft, and then make the actual chapter.

 

 

I really think it needs a lot of improvement, but, Hey! don't worry, you'll get there soon, try to use the tips and advice other ponies will give to you, and be confident.

  • Brohoof 1
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