The Corrupted Wish Game

[Will Guide 21,325]

Granted, but rather than slow down randomly, it will consistently slow down!

I wish ninjas didn't steal my answer like CypherHoof just did!

Edited June 18, 2017 by WiiGuy2014

[ImDaMisterL 532]

Granted, but now you just never reply.

I wish I had a faster laptop.

[Prospekt 10,984]

Granted, but the only thing it does faster is grow legs and run away.

I wish I knew how to cook.

[Will Guide 21,325]

Just now, ImDaMisterL said:

Granted, but now you just never reply.

I wish I had a faster laptop.

Granted, it's just a little faster than a turtle.

I wish it's possible to call dibs on these posts, so that multiple people can't all answer at the same time and end up confusing the reader. 

Doh! NINJA again! And that just proves my point.

[Duality 10,738]

Granted, but now your government consists entirely of Donald Duck impersonators.

I wish more people liked maths.

[Castle Bleck 19,163]

Granted, but it's only 2 more people.

 

I wish the world no longer had severe weather (e.g., hurricanes, tornadoes, etc.).

[Duality 10,738]

Granted, but now it has no more weather. Causing us all to die horrifically, of course.

I wish for a cool walking stick.

[Prospekt 10,984]

Granted, but it prefers to walk around on its own when you're not around.

I wish my cat could speak.

[Duality 10,738]

Granted, but it reveals that it secretly despises you and everything you stand for and that it is actually the rightful owner of your house and everything in it due to a "squatters' rights" loophole and that it has a gun and will use it if you don't permit it to take you hostage for use as a bargaining chip against the Feds, who have been looking for your cat ever since it impersonated you online and illicitly accessed your bank account to squander your life savings on Candy Crush.

I wish to have copyright of the letter 'H'.

[Number62 1,246]

Granted, but you are prohibited to speak, use, look at, or involve yourself with other letters or characters.

I wish my health could always be in top form.

[Duality 10,738]

Granted, but you have to take 73 pills for breakfast, 49 for lunch, 81 for dinner, and 32 at random intervals throughout the day.

I wish for a purdy unicorn.

 

[Patty Thundersnow 4,129]

Granted, but it's Littlepip.

I wish for a day where it rains all day.

[CinemaBrony 1,276]

Granted. The rain's so heavy that it floods whichever town you live in.

I wish to be the very best, like no one ever was.

[Patty Thundersnow 4,129]

1 hour ago, CinemaBrony said:

Granted. The rain's so heavy that it floods whichever town you live in.

I wish to be the very best, like no one ever was.

Too late, already seen that twice this year

Granted, however you're only the best at building sandcastles.
I wish to be better at math.

[Duality 10,738]

Granted, but you're only better at knot theory. All other higher-order mathematics elude you.

I wish for a sword.

[Prospekt 10,984]

Granted, but it's made out of styrofoam. Try not to hit anything/anyone too hard.

I wish I could be in two places at once. 

[Duality 10,738]

Granted, but only because you're in a Terminator movie and your future self travelled back in time to warn you that you're going to get terminated. Unfortunately, you didn't manage to warn yourself in time to save your life.

I wish for a pet capybara.

[Nitumby 154]

Granted, but it eats like a billy goat, eventually devouring your bed, your wallet, your clothes, and your face.

I wish I could get good Wi-Fi out here.

[Will Guide 21,325]

Granted, The Wi-Fi is flawless, but what you get online is junk and no fun stuff.

I wish Unicorn Will Guide(me) and Changeling Will Guide(my literal soulmate) could physically meet face to face.

[Lunar Echo 10,334]

Granted but you must eat a different type of cake each day of your choosing. 

 

I want a bowl of cereal.

[Will Guide 21,325]

Granted, but it's Kix, the most favor-less cereal ever!

I wish that religion wasn't against homosexuals

[DixonTheAdversary 1,631]

Granted, but with this wish you cause all religions to now be against heterosexuality, bisexuality and asexuality. This causes history to be rewritten and mass genocides occur to anyone who is hetero, bi or asexual. Humanity is eventually wiped out.

I wish for a classic car.

[Will Guide 21,325]

Granted, but it breaks down as soon as you use it.

I wish I thought of more witty comebacks.

[Duality 10,738]

Granted, but you only think of them 25 minutes after they cease to be relevant.

I wish for a Porsche.

[Will Guide 21,325]

Granted, but it's Sally from Pixar's Cars.

I wish I could be able to do my own art professionally,  instead of relying on others to do it for me.