I can't talk to people unless I have a reason!

[GoldenShield 46]

I just can't do it! I have tried, I really have but I simply can't initiate a conversation with someone else unless I have a solid reason and purpose to speak with them and when I say a reason I mean one that was given to me, something important that isn't just idle chit-chat.

To give an example, when I am doing a group project with people at Uni I have no problem talking to them, maybe a little anxiety but I can initiate the conversation if I have to but if I want to talk to someone and just say "Hi" then it's impossible for me to do it, even at social events and parties I just can't.

I would like to mention that I have no problem talking when someone speaks to me, I can continue a conversation perfectly fine, in fact I love talking to people, it's just opening up a conversation with someone that gives me trouble.

Honestly, I wouldn't think it were that much of a problem as I can still make friends cause this is only a problem I have with people I don't know very well so once I've spoken to someone a few times through them initiating the conversation then I can speak to them fine but one of said friends mentioned to me that it made me look a little bit creepy just standing around at a party not interacting with anyone (My friend was the only person there that I knew).

 

Anyone else got this problem or a similar one.

[Spatsi 151]

I got exactly the same issue, but I don't call it a "problem". I just don't like talking to people without a reason, all these "small-talks" really annoy me and I don't think my attitude is bad. Actually, it's typical for introverts 

Anyway, it's not something weird or rare. There are many people just like you, although you don't always notice them.

[kingyo 16]

Hello, Golden!

 

Just to say: you're not alone. I'm not an conversation initiator as well and that's actually perfectly fine. It would just seem that, like me, you're an introvert.

 

It's a good thing really. Go look it up  

 

Now don't take what your friend said to heart, okay? Different people socialise differently and you're not "creepy standing at a party not interacting with anyone". 

 

It's really a case of social conditioning, an unbased judgement on right and wrong. A lot of people think "normal" equals "talkative, bubbly and sociable" when it's actually perfectly okay to not talk much.

 

 

 

I don't know about you but I feel perfectly content just watching people talk without having to participate in the conversation.Also, I really hate it when I'm forced to socialise out of social obligation. Because if anything, it's just to fill up the silence. 

 

 So don't feel alone. Because there's probably more people on this site other than me who feel the same. Chin up, and cheers, mate! 

[SCS 7,443]

I just can't do it! I have tried, I really have but I simply can't initiate a conversation with someone else unless I have a solid reason and purpose to speak with them and when I say a reason I mean one that was given to me, something important that isn't just idle chit-chat.

To give an example, when I am doing a group project with people at Uni I have no problem talking to them, maybe a little anxiety but I can initiate the conversation if I have to but if I want to talk to someone and just say "Hi" then it's impossible for me to do it, even at social events and parties I just can't.

I would like to mention that I have no problem talking when someone speaks to me, I can continue a conversation perfectly fine, in fact I love talking to people, it's just opening up a conversation with someone that gives me trouble.

Honestly, I wouldn't think it were that much of a problem as I can still make friends cause this is only a problem I have with people I don't know very well so once I've spoken to someone a few times through them initiating the conversation then I can speak to them fine but one of said friends mentioned to me that it made me look a little bit creepy just standing around at a party not interacting with anyone (My friend was the only person there that I knew).

 

Anyone else got this problem or a similar one.

 

I know how you feel. I'm 16 years old, and in 10th grade in high school. I've been shy and introverted for as long as I can remember. In fact, I'm more shy than you are.

 

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is just your personality. However, I'm also not saying that it's impossible to change it. If you want to be more talkative, there are things you can do to achieve that. However, you shouldn't feel like there's something wrong with you, because there isn't. The two things that matter are not harming anyone else through your words and actions, and being happy with who you are as a person. 

 

For me, I really struggle with talking to anyone who I don't know well, even if it's about something important. As I get older, I've noticed this slowly receding in magnitude. If I need to ask an adult for something, or if I need to ask another student a question that I really need to know the answer to to participate in the class activity, then I just put my shyness aside, and do it. That's worked out well so far. 

 

However, as for social interaction, I can really only socially interact with my friends. Pretty much the only place at my school I can talk to other people at is my lunch table, which has some of my friends and some people who are becoming friends. Most of my best friends unfortunately have a different lunch period than me. I never talk to anyone in class, or even when I'm around a bunch of people I don't know.

 

Here's an example outside of school. I was at a concert with one of my best friends ever on Friday, January 18th, 2013. I'm 16 and he's 15, we're both in the same grade. However, it seemed that everyone else who was there, at least who I saw, was an adult. There may have been some high schoolers there, I'm not sure, but most people seemed to be in their 20s. There were two groups of people, one in a bunch of chairs on a raised balcony, and another fairly large group of people standing in this area right in front of the stage. My friend and I stood on the stage. Even though it was a small venue, I felt really nervous and claustrophobic. I would look behind me, and there would just be a wall of adult people I didn't know. Logically, I knew that if I had to leave to go to the restroom, I could just walk through them and say "excuse me," but emotionally it still felt like I was trapped. I remember feeling determined that I would absolutely positively not leave at all. Even if I had to go to the restroom, I would just hold it. Thankfully, I didn't get any strong feelings of having to go to the restroom. I was so nervous and I had so little space I even felt like I had trouble breathing sometimes. But thankfully, eventually I was able to get some more space in the crowd. At the second to last song, when everyone was cheering and stomping so loudly I got swept up in it and my fear started to melt away. It was an excellent feeling. By the time it was time for us to go, I felt great. I was still slightly nervous, but no where near as much so. 

 

From what I have read on the internet, you may be an introvert to some degree. Introverts often dislike small talk, and only feel like carrying on conversations if it's about something important to them.

 

For me, I don't mind goofing off with people, but I can only do this with close friends. I also have a really difficult time opening up to people, so how I act around people I know and people I don't know is in such sharp contrast. One of the reasons why I love internet communities is it because it's easier for me to open up to people here. In real life I'm so afraid of someone making fun of me I only fully open up to probably one person, the guy I went to the concert with. I don't even fully open up to other people I would consider to be my best friends. I'm just really insecure, so I put up safeguards everywhere I go, even on the internet but to a much lesser degree. 

 

So, I can definitely relate to how you feel. Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with either of us. Just as long as you aren't hurting anyone with your words and actions, and just as long as you are happy with who you are as a person and what you are doing in your life, there is absolutely nothing you need to worry about.

[Mr Dash 1,818]

You are not alone. I don't care for small talk or idle chit chat. I usually don't talk unless I have a reason, or someone is talking about a similar interest as mine. I usually don't start conversations because I just don't really know where to start. I don't want to sound like I'm prying into peoples personal lives either. Plus I don't want to waste my breath if I don't have to. I just prefer to speak when I have something to say.

[HungryTroll 137]

I think I was nearly like that at school. But I just didn't liked to speak with a lot of people at all, i'm introvert - yes. I decided to change that, because I belive that it's bad to be solid introvert (or solid extrovert), I have changed it, it's helps me in my life. I had not changed myself, I'm still do not like conversations just because it's conversations. Now almost all new people thinks that I'm extrovert, but some times I'm realy get tired of people.

 

So, I think you should overcome yourself and learn how to talk with new people easily, even if you do not like that, it will be tool that will help you someday.

[Betez 1,734]

I feel like this too at times. I don't really like starting conversations as much as I do talking. It's one of those things I need to get better at. If you're content with just talking when you have a reason to, then good for you. If not then just talk to someone close to you about it, even if you don't have a reason.

[CapnKrunk 307]

Thanks for sharing this.Because it's really hard to put something like this in words when you question yourself why you're so quiet all the time.

[HallowsEve 52]

I know exactly what you mean. My boyfriend and I are part of this Meetup group, but when we go... well.. my boyfriend is going from person to person like a social butterfly.. But I stand in the corner twiddling my thumbs because I don't know what to say. It's intimidating.

[碇 シンジン 27,427]

same here but when i think about it i dont really see any purpose to talk about something that doesnt really have any reason behind it 

[Midnight Solace 5,129]

Yeah, I find it best to not talk about meaningless things. Otherwise, ponies would know you for just sharing nonsense, and start to ignore you. A lot of guys at my school talk about the nonsensical things I have ever heard, all the time.

[Lucky Bolt 34,914]

I feel like I'm the odd one out here.  I enjoy talking to people even if I have absolutely no reason to, just a simple "hey how are you!" Or "Beautiful weather we're having huh" goes a long way. 

[TBD 17,228]

I only talk when I need to, but I'm not the kind to start a conversion.