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The Diamond pony [Preview]


HBdash
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Not many people know about this but i am currently writing a Fan fiction and i have finished Chapter 1 :)

This is the Preview (Chapter 1)

Please tell me improvements and suggestions as My English level is not very good, but I will try my best at all times.

 

PREVIEW

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The Diamond Pony

Chapter 1  That's one bright light!

 

It was late at night and Rainbow dash was scouting, Applejack's farm Applejack has been missing for ages, just as Rainbow dash gallops over to tell the farm crew there was a flash of light, a blue one, a very bright one, Rainbow dash's eyes were glued to the bright light "Hey who are you and what do you want?" shouted Rainbow dash, but there was no reply, the light faded with Rainbow dash left standing in the moons light, a few seconds later Applejack came slowly out of a Haystack "Applejack where have you been, the party ended half a rainboom ago!" Rainbow dash said calmly "are you ok Applejack?" "I dont know, some light followed by calming music then i just fell i cant remember anything else" yawns Applejack, the rest of the farm crew come out after hearing talking "Applejack Where have you been!" Excitedly says Pinkie pie she was still hyped from the party "Let's just go to sleep" yawns Twilight Sparkle".

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This is the end of the first Chapter please discuss, suggest and and tell improvements to me :) 

  • Brohoof 1
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You certainly know how to get me hooked on whatever the bright light is but the title seems to be a nice hint :P . I also like "half a rainboom ago" and I cant wait to see the rest :D

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