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Zygen

Opinions on guys and crying?

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(edited)

I personally believe anyone should be able to cry without scrutiny regardless of things like gender. While I was in high school, I took a sociology class and we had a unit on men and social norms. Consider this, we (in America) have some school shootings, and about 80% of all suicides being male, and you know what the most common thing I hear from people in these cases is? "I had no idea anything was wrong with him." But that is it, isn't it, when you consider that when a woman is showing any sign of distress then she is immediately sent to help or someone reports it to get her help in some way.

 

Also, there are cases like the Virginia Tech shooting where the person who did the shootings was not only very open about his violent attitudes, they went completely unnoticed and no one bothered to do anything until well after the shooting took place. Or, going back to what I said about "having no idea they would do it", remember Columbine? The shooters did what they did after being bullied for the longest time, again, nothing was done about it and it was not recognized properly until well after the shooting took place. In our society (or at least American society), guys are more or less socially conditioned to hide their emotions, and thus a girl is usually given assistance before she does these things.

Edited by The Oneiromancer

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(edited)

I'm not sure if I was brought up that one shouldn't cry, but the way society treats emotions I'm sure it got to me at some point. I've lived with mainly my mom and slightly younger sister most of my life though, I was only 10 when my parents got divorced, so I don't think it was pushed onto me by family. I can say that I hardly use to show emotion much, I always remember my ex telling me I never seemed to be smiling. I thought she was crazy because I was perfectly happy at the time. When we broke up though I took it really hard and ever since then my emotions are just there and I don't care who sees them. If I have a reason to cry then you can bet it is something that is really getting to me, either psychologically breaking me down or something emotionally moving that I respect/feel for.

 

Everyone has times in their lives when they have problems or something else they have to work through, and the most natural way to work through some of them require you to deal with emotions. Embrace those emotions and you will have an easier time getting through things I feel.

 

I see no reason that should be looked down upon and I hate that it is. Most gender stereotypes just irk me anyways and I wish society would evolve past them. Same with anything else that designates that "I'm better than you because..." train of thoughts.

Edited by Puddlejumper

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Crying is completely normal. I kept most of it inside of me when I was younger, considering I was an introvert and struggling with depression, but at times I would just cry on the floor for hours. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

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It's kind of funny for me to read the responses to this topic talking about the social stigma associated with men crying or showing emotion, because the opposite has happened to me. I have been chastised and made fun of for being insufficiently emotional; that is, I have been derisively called an uncaring jerk, an emotionless robot, etc. for failing to be sad enough or happy enough at the proper times. For example, at a few funerals which I have attended, my brothers and I would be so bored that we would go hang around the refreshments and chat about random stuff while playing cards to pass the time, which was looked down upon by other grieving attendees.

 

I have taken such comments in stride, in part because there is some truth to them. I often can't bring myself to care that much about things that make others emotional, or if I do, I don't feel any desire to show it. Is this because I was socially conditioned to be a man and not show emotion? That might be a part of it, but I feel like it's just a part of who I am. It seems to fit in with my analytical nature not to get terribly upset at things. Consequently, when I see others crying or getting emotional, I find it difficult to understand them, empathize with them and make them feel better, because I haven't really been there myself.

 

Some people here are saying that it should be socially acceptable to show emotion, that it's healthy to do so, and that maybe people should do it more. Just keep in mind that some people like me may not show much emotion because there just isn't much emotion there to display in the first place, or because it doesn't fit with our personality.

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The problem with me is that I'm not really emotional, and even my father says that I do need to cry more. He recalls that I've only cried about twice in my lifetime: one where my mother died and then when I had a severe injury to both wrist bones. I have cried in closed quarters but I do agree with him that I lack in the water works department.

 

I think that the philosophy of men crying are not men at all is like saying MLP is not to be watched by older male audiences. Both claims are incredibly false and you can have your own personality. Doesn't make you less of a "man". We are all human with our own unique traits. To come out and say that you're basically a weaker being for doing that "girly" emotion thing is just flat out wrong.

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I was a major cryer when groing up. From birth to age 16 i cried like a newborn over some minor and alot of major things. I was looked down by some male and female peers and praised by the rest becuase they thought it was either sweet or adorable that i cried (jerks). By the time i turned 17 i learned to turn sadness into rage. People worry about me know because the only time i have cried was when i listened to some brony music about Gilda the Griffon being misunderstood. A few close family members have died over the past 3 years and when it came time for the water works nothing came out (except gas). However when i see other guys crying i either laugh or i have that i feel you, brother feeling; depends on the situation 

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Okay, this may have been said already, but crying is GOOD for you! It releases toxins and bacteria from your body and you feel better afterwards no matter why you were crying. It's a healthy, natural part of life, and emotional tears are good to shed, as well as other kinds of tears.

 

Well, that being said, I feel like everyone is different. Everyone was raised differently and everyone has their own personalities. I know some females who don't cry as much as me, I'm a crybaby! Haha I let my emotions free! :P I am a girl and I am not afraid to let tears flow. I know some guys who will cry when they need to. My boyfriend has cried, and a couple of our friends who are boys have cried. But our group of friends is not very judgmental and we are very accepting. It all really depends on basically every aspect of your life depending on your crying patterns. How you were raised, who you are with, what the situation actually is, and ultimately, who you are as a person inside. :P

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(edited)

I hate how crying is seen as weak, I really do. Not just for guys, but for girls too. Feelings are regarded as weakness nowadays, and it sickens me. Our feelings are what make us human, they should be embraced, not discarded. Some people aren't even able to cry because they feel like their inferior because of it. They're unable to acknowledge their feelings, and because of this, they don't know how to deal with their own emotions. It's no wonder why teenage depression is so common now-a-days.

 

I see people all the time judging others for crying and showing emotion. They call them weak, and then treat them like they're less of a person because of it.

 

What kind of person does that? An asshole, that's who.

This. Right here. Said perfectly.

 

I don't understand why society wants to strip half the population of something as rooted in our core as our emotions. It's obviously a losing battle, so why try? All emotions are natural, and to accept and express them is the healthiest thing a person can do, it means they are in-tune with themselves.

 

That's a good thing, right? Our society strives for health, and emotional health is just as real as physical health.

 

I'm glad that, as a whole, this anti-emotional sentiment seems to be changing, and sensitive men are once again returning. Slowly, but surely.

Edited by AtomicBassCannon

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Men don't cry. Men weep.

 

That's always been my motto on the subject. Okay, prepare for unpopular opinion time people! I think that crying is an indication of emotional weakness caused by an issue which they are unable to solve themselves for whatever reason, and crying is the automatic response. The people I've seen cry are in emotional strife because of their own stupidity, negligence, and / or error, or it's just unnecessary at the time. Because of what I've seen, I often do assume that crying is a sign of weakness, even when I know it isn't. It often leads to cold hearted-ness on my part.

 

However, if I see someone crying in public and I can't figure out why, I will always show some empathy and ask them what's wrong. Otherwise, just stop crying. No one likes a crybaby.

 

~ Commence the hate~

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I am fine with crying. This is weird for most people that know me at school, as they see me as this untouchable mass of testosterone (the beard helps), when really I feel everything that they do. The only difference is that I usually suppress showing these emotions, as they usually just get in the way, particularly at school.

While I am fine with anyone crying/shiwing emotion, there is a point where it changes from showing emotion to just a constant onslaught of the feels. You should be able to suck it up (within good time), even if you need the support of others.

 

I used to never show emotion, until I found MLP, and found out that I don't care what others think of me. Not like that is likely to dramaticly change my future. Though I never really show any emotion anyway, unless it has nothing to do with me (books, movies, songs, etc.), then I can cry like a baby.

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We need to use hands to act, need to use feet to walk, heart to live, and brain to think.

We have eyes to cry, so if we can use all other parts of the body, why not cry? You still use your body, it's all in your nature. If walking is in yiur nature, then crying is as well.

 

Why would we have what we are forbidden to use?

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I was about to write a response here with a bit of a different perspective than most of what's been written so far.  I was about to say that while crying is acceptable in certain situations, but crying at the drop of a hat does seem liek you're weak and let your emotions get the best of you (for men *and* women by the way)

 

Then i remember something my brother said years ago.  I was watching a TV show where a K-pop singer won some music competition, and he started bawling.  I thought it was really weird, but my brother?  He told me that you don't know his situation, you don't know what his life was like at that point, or what that award meant to him, so you can't judge. 

 

And he's right.  Who am I to to tell you when you should cry, or why you should cry?  People should be able to cry if they want to without being judged. 

 

Oh, and if anyone still questions whether or not it's OK for men to cry:

 

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ManlyTears

 

If Kenshiro can cry, any man can cry.

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(edited)

I think it's perfectly fine for guys to cry. I myself only do when either I've injured myself enough, or some tragedy strikes, like a death. These are both very rare and I almost never cry. I also find it acceptable when someone crys tears of joy, although i have yet to see it actually happen.

Edited by StarVision

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I think that guys and crying are allowed to go together. My boyfriend actually isn't very masculine. (He'd kill me if he new I was posting this. Ha.) He does cry often and gets emotional. It doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I like it. It shows he really is human and the emotionless guys annoy me.  :P  

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Men don't cry. Men weep.

 

That's always been my motto on the subject. Okay, prepare for unpopular opinion time people! I think that crying is an indication of emotional weakness caused by an issue which they are unable to solve themselves for whatever reason, and crying is the automatic response. The people I've seen cry are in emotional strife because of their own stupidity, negligence, and / or error, or it's just unnecessary at the time. Because of what I've seen, I often do assume that crying is a sign of weakness, even when I know it isn't. It often leads to cold hearted-ness on my part.

 

However, if I see someone crying in public and I can't figure out why, I will always show some empathy and ask them what's wrong. Otherwise, just stop crying. No one likes a crybaby.

 

~ Commence the hate~

Well I won't hate on you, but I do have to say that crying isn't a weak thing, and while your experience may be from people doing stupid things that causes them to get into the situations thats not always the case, sometimes someone close to them dies, or they're going through tough times over something else, you never really know until you ask.

 

Besides we're all humans, we're all going to do stupid things that get us into conflict and maybe even get us to the point where we're just so frusterated and confused that we just cry or sometimes people just flat out explode in rage and that is not pretty..

 

Besides crying is overall healthy for you, it releases stress and many other things, holding those things in is actually harmful to your body.

 

I'll agree that crying to much is bad, but everyone is going to cry at some point in their life over something, its part of having emotions, and without emotions we'd all be mostly robots.

 

I was about to write a response here with a bit of a different perspective than most of what's been written so far.  I was about to say that while crying is acceptable in certain situations, but crying at the drop of a hat does seem liek you're weak and let your emotions get the best of you (for men *and* women by the way)

 

Then i remember something my brother said years ago.  I was watching a TV show where a K-pop singer won some music competition, and he started bawling.  I thought it was really weird, but my brother?  He told me that you don't know his situation, you don't know what his life was like at that point, or what that award meant to him, so you can't judge. 

 

And he's right.  Who am I to to tell you when you should cry, or why you should cry?  People should be able to cry if they want to without being judged. 

 

Oh, and if anyone still questions whether or not it's OK for men to cry:

 

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ManlyTears

 

If Kenshiro can cry, any man can cry.

Very well said, you really don't ever know what someone is going through or what something means to someone. I mean maybe it has a connection to their relative, maybe they're just really passionate about it and have gone through a whole lot just to get where they are.

 

So unless you really know the person, or are the person, you aren't really in a place to judge them for crying.

 

Well said though :)

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I hate it as well. If we don't cry at certain times, it means that we do not care nor have sympathy. But okay, I do agree with the idea of not crying when in sports activities as a child, but in other situations outside of those situations, may be the only thing for a child to do. 

 

This argument is a fallacy and it can lead to a dangerous life of self-centeredness with almost absolutely no compassion for orthers. 

 

A couple months ago, I had ordered a pizza, now this may sound random but, I saw what looked like a baby squirrel. But when I walked closer, it was a baby bird that fell out of the nest. I hated to see it their calling out for its mom. My heart sank in the chest and I swear I thought some tears were about to fall out of my eyes. That's to show how compassion can drive someone to tears. In the end, I gave the little bird water and some chopped food. 

 

Men don't have to be tough all of the time. I've seen a really tough guy confess up and cry when he found out what he did wrong.

 

Overall, everybody should have the right to have emotion and no parents should not control their child's emotions because it's not helping them, it's hurting them for the long term. 

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When there is reason to cry, regardless of being a man or a woman, then by all means do so.  Holding that kind of stuff in is bad from what I am told. I know I've cried several times since I became old enough to be considered an adult and will admit it without being ashamed. 

 

Also, some tears are not sad but rather happy ones in some situations.  I know I may be near tears of joy when I graduate from College as it has been a very long and hard journey at times.   

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I hate it as well. If we don't cry at certain times, it means that we do not care nor have sympathy. But okay, I do agree with the idea of not crying when in sports activities as a child, but in other situations outside of those situations, may be the only thing for a child to do. 

 

This argument is a fallacy and it can lead to a dangerous life of self-centeredness with almost absolutely no compassion for orthers. 

 

A couple months ago, I had ordered a pizza, now this may sound random but, I saw what looked like a baby squirrel. But when I walked closer, it was a baby bird that fell out of the nest. I hated to see it their calling out for its mom. My heart sank in the chest and I swear I thought some tears were about to fall out of my eyes. That's to show how compassion can drive someone to tears. In the end, I gave the little bird water and some chopped food. 

 

Men don't have to be tough all of the time. I've seen a really tough guy confess up and cry when he found out what he did wrong.

 

Overall, everybody should have the right to have emotion and no parents should not control their child's emotions because it's not helping them, it's hurting them for the long term. 

That sounds like a really great thing to do! And your right compassion for others is a good thing, it gives us the will to help others and even stand up for them in their times of need, and its ones of the ways that allows us to be even better friends.

 

If we simply ignored every cry for help and didn't care for the well-being of others, then we'd be in a pretty rotten world.

 

When there is reason to cry, regardless of being a man or a woman, then by all means do so.  Holding that kind of stuff in is bad from what I am told. I know I've cried several times since I became old enough to be considered an adult and will admit it without being ashamed. 

 

Also, some tears are not sad but rather happy ones in some situations.  I know I may be near tears of joy when I graduate from College as it has been a very long and hard journey at times.   

Yeah it is bad, it can even shorten your life, but crying releases all kinds of stress and other things. Which is good because stress can cause some pretty big problems surprisingly.

 

Joy is great to! As are all emotions, I don't know what I'll do if someone decides that its a bad thing to be happy >_>. That just doesn't make sense.

 

Even tears of joy are great to, since tears only really come from extreme's of emotions, which just shows how happy you are :D.

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(edited)

i don't see problem in crying, even being a man, although i never cried in front of my friends, because i never get sad enough to cry when i was with them, but there was a time when i was at the house of my best friend, and my mom called me, to tell that my uncle had died,and to tell that she was going to catch me, i started crying, but he understood what was happening, but most of the time, i show no emotions. (instead of happy)

Edited by Bruno ©

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I don't see anything wrong with it.. I cry all the time.. cry because I'm happy or very sad. Ah I cried when Twilight became Princess Twilight sparkle, I cried when my 2 best friends got married. Anyway its just fine in my book if a man/men cry... we all need to cry sometimes.

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Look son I honestly couldn't give a heck if people cried.

I would help them through it, but it in no way shows weakness, and in our society. It shows strength

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I'll admit if I listen to a song that's sad,I'll cry, If I read a sad fan fic I'll cry! Nuthin wrong with guys crying, be human!!!!

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Doesn't bother me, so long as it isn't excessive. Occasionally, it's nice if a guy shows weakness.

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I think it is stupid how guys crying is looked down upon. Guys are humans too, and we have emotions. We are not emotionless husks. Heck, I cry sometimes. People may look down upon it, but I don't care. I have emotions and I am not afraid of letting them out. I hate that whole guys don't cry thing. It's dumb. I'm a human being for goodness sake, so I will act like one and express my emotions when I feel like I have to.

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Because of stereotypes and whatnot I've always thought of guys as being tough and growing up I never saw a boy cry, but I knew it happened and it didn't make me think any less of them. However, the day I saw my grandpa cry was absolutely heartbreaking. I witnessed my boyfriend crying and it broke my heart. I cry constantly and he always cheers me up and is just always there for me. So when I saw him crying I didn't know what to do. I tried to just mimic the way he treats me since it helps so much, but I'm not sure it was the best tactic.

 

Wow that went off topic. Anyway, I think it's ridiculous that men aren't supposed to cry. It doesn't show weakness, it shows that you're human.

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