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Finding Love vs Letting Love Find Us?


~Master~ Button Mash

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This has been bugging me as of late and I think it's worth discussing.

 

I'm participating in the "Finding your special somepony thread," and one of the arguments against such dating programs is that we need to let love "come to us." We shouldn't search for love and we need to just let it come with time. Some believe searching for love is a fruitless effort and that true love must be a spontaneous crossing of fates.

 

I don't believe that. After all, people being open to relationships at all requires some amount of effort. If people put no effort in at all, not only would opportunities for love pass us by, but all opportunities in life PERIOD would pass us by. Life takes effort, simple as that. So with that said, if people are open to love, then on some level, whether conscious or not, they are looking for love. So the question then goes from "is it appropriate to look for love?" to "How much effort is appropriate in looking for love?"

 

And if that's the case, then how much effort is appropriate is up to the individual. Some people need more, some people need less. It's all up to the person's circumstances, and if that requires using online dating, so be it. And how do we know that looking for love isn't simply part of fate, as well?

 

TL;DR - Everyone (whether consciously or unconsciously) looks for love to one degree or another.

 

Thoughts?

Edited by AtomicBassCannon
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true love must be a spontaneous crossing of fates... derpy_emoticon2.png  okay, I don´t believe that too much.

I think your idea describes it way better, effort is needed, there has to be a first step, for many people are shy (only an example). There might be something like love at first sight, but itý very rare. To find love you often have to search for it, instead of waiting for it to come your way, for everyone there is this special person (special somepony ;) )

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I think letting love find you suites me more. But that is just my opinion, you can choose whichever one will find you love, and then you will find your very special somepony.

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Hello!

 

Yes, to be successful in life, you must put some effort in it.

 

Online dating is for people that are just lazy to get out... When it comes to online dating, everything is conveniant and quick, but there's no emotion in it whatsoever... I personally have never dated anyone yet, but i am in no quick hurry to do so aswell. Right now, you could say i'm playing the waiting game... I have no idea how things will go to place in the future though...

 

To awnser the question, in general, there is now awnser, because these are personal beliefs... One might think trying to find love would seem more logical and effective, while the other would think of the oposite...

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Letting love find me hasn't been successful at all. I guess I haven't been giving any hints to the public that I'm looking for someone. I'm not really sure how I would do it, though. But even if I do find someone, I would be having a panic of what would happen next, such as finding out if she is also single, seeing if our parents would approve of our relationship, working out how often we would see each other, etc. Maybe I'm just not meant to find love, but I am quite fine with it.

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You can't wait for it and even more importantly you have to have a life and enjoy your life. The hard truth is that you must like yourself first, and if you do, it will make it more likely somebody else to find you attractive. We often hope our special somepony will "complete us" or make us "better" and to a certain degree that is true, but it might not be in the way or extent you expect. My advice is just be out there, take chances, be yourself and enjoy your life.

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i beieve it depends on the person of they are shy the will wait if they are outgoing they will find it.love will always find way though



Hello!

 

Yes, to be successful in life, you must put some effort in it.

 

Online dating is for people that are just lazy to get out... When it comes to online dating, everything is conveniant and quick, but there's no emotion in it whatsoever... I personally have never dated anyone yet, but i am in no quick hurry to do so aswell. Right now, you could say i'm playing the waiting game... I have no idea how things will go to place in the future though...

 

To awnser the question, in general, there is now awnser, because these are personal beliefs... One might think trying to find love would seem more logical and effective, while the other would think of the oposite...

i disagree with your view on online dating because my uncle meant this women who lived in Jersey online

and one day after about a year of online dating my uncle she came over to the states met my uncle in person for the first time and got married two days later

Edited by COBALT CRESCENT
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Oooh boy, let me tell you, "letting love come to you" doesn't work. At all.

 

I'm like uber passive and too shy to even approach people, and you can probably guess how that is working out for me.

 

See, like you said, love is something you have to put effort in, before and during a relationship. There's no way in hell that somebody will walk into your life and love you just like that. You need to go and put some effort in not to only finding a partner, but also to keep up the relationship.

 

All those dating sites sure work, if you happen to find the right one. But even like-minded people can still be completely different and not attracted to eachother. Not only that, but the magic of meeting someone out of the blue is also gone, which also plays a huge part of how a relationship is formed from a biological and neuroscientific perspective. So yea, not the most recommended idea.

 

In conclusion, the chance that "love" finds you is pretty slim, I'd say just go to parties and bars or something if you really want to find someone, go with friends, doesn't matter. That's the best way to find someone, not wait until you find someone, that's not going to work.

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Wow this thread caught my attention and I'm glad I joined it. I have read all the posts and it seems the general consensus is that you have to put some kind of effort in to finding "the one" but what i think we need to talk about what kind of effort we should be putting in. Should you have to go around and be aggressive to find your special some pony and how aggressive should you be in your seeking? In my experience it has always been best to live your life as you see fit and be yourself all the time regardless of if people make fun of you or not. I'm 24 and have had four girlfriends in my life and each have said that they were attracted to me because of my personality and honesty (no bragging just saying). I am always myself and never compromise my beliefs or way of life for anyone. This has made me plenty of friends as well as enemies  What I am trying to say is that if you are honest with yourself and everyone around you people will be naturally attracted to you. And the people who want to be near you will complement you and your personality. Not only that you will make lifetime friends. Hey, you might not be super popular but you will have people around you who are worth having around. Soon one person will rise above the rest and that will be your special some pony. My stance is passive aggressive. Your passive in that you are not trying to find that person and aggressive in the way that you live. sleep.png Thats the way I have lived my life and it has worked out pretty ok. BTW I'm single not sad.png don't know it that makes this post moot lol. 

In regards to the thread this thread was created in response to I believe online dating is completely legitimate  It all depends on what you are looking for and what your personal situation is. 

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I think that it can be both?

 

I think you meet people and can just instantly really get on well, but then some effort is needed to take it to the next level maybe?

 

But I also got some advice that you have to go to some effort to put yourself in a position to meet people. If you just sit inside all day then you are not very likely to meet anyone :).

 

So it can be work to go to meeting and stuff but then once you find the right person it can be really easy and you just fall for eachother almost :P!

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I agree you can't play the game if your not on the field (terrible I know). Just remember to chose your situations wisely. Go do things you like to do! That way you meet people with similar interests. I have gone out to bars and parties and I, personally, don't like those scenes  But that is just me. I would prefer to hang out at a friends house with a small group rather than a large party or at a bar. Its not because of the amount of people because I love concerts and stuff. It just feels more intimate and I don't know casual I guess. 

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As has been said before, I believe love and relationships can be found with almost any level of effort, it is all reliant upon chance. Being more outgoing to more different areas, of course, increases your chances of finding someone to share love and a relationship with.

 

And, online dating is definitely a legitimate way to find someone. Take it from me. My 20 year old brother met his current girlfriend online...on Xbox...in a Call of Duty Black Ops or Modern Warfare 3 match. And, they have been with each other for almost 2 years, I believe.

 

And, as for the last part of the OP, no, not everyone consciously seeks love in some way or another. There is such a thing as aromanticism.

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I think that if you want something in life, anything at all and that includes love you have to go out and get it. Fortune favors the bold so you have to throw your hat in the ring and hope for the best, there is such a thing though as trying too hard but that is the case with anything as to what the right balance is that is something that everyone needs to find out for themselves. Sure some people have gotten lucky and found love when they weren't looking for it and I am happy for them but for quite a few of us including myself that hasn't worked.

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I can agree with a good bit of what you said I guess, there really is no such case where love just comes to you on a silver plate, I think the opportunity for love comes sometimes to you, but your probably going to have to work for it.

 

I personally am really shy though, I already have a hard time talking about myself to others IRL, so telling them my feelings or telling them I love them is quite difficult. Next to impossible in my mind at times really. Might be why I'm still single.

 

I just hope one day I find someone I can be happy with. But I am not going to be chasing love for sure. However I guess if I don't break out of my shell soon I may never actually find love due to the fact I'll never make a move, especially being a guy. And guys are basically expected to be the ones to ask in the relationship normally.

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Is what you want love?  Or a relationship for the sake of status?

 

Well here's my opinion -

 

Love should be given.  Love shouldn't be sought after or expected.  The need to search for a relationship is desperation for status, not love.  You want to be in a relationship because other people are married or in that kind of relationship and might appear happy and society looks at them like they've had a successful life, and you want one too so you chase after it.

 

Love can be between parents and children, brothers and sisters, and friends, and it is not more or less significant than the greatest relationship that any two people can share.  The need to find a relationship to call someone your girlfriend or boyfriend is the byproduct of pride seeking status and recognition.

 

If you love someone then it should not matter what their relationship status is to you.

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Love should be given.  Love shouldn't be sought after or expected.  The need to search for a relationship is desperation for status, not love.

That sounds a bit harsh don't you think? I mean really, everyone that is looking for a romantic partner wants one due to desperation or some shallow desire for status? What the hell happened to you to make you this cynical? People have a natural need for love and affection and many people actually want romantic love not because they don't appreciate love between friends or family but because it is nice to have that too. What is wrong with wanting that exactly? I want a girlfriend and someday a wife not because I am desperate or feel I have to conform to some arbitrary societal standard but because it is what I want.

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That sounds a bit harsh don't you think? I mean really, everyone that is looking for a romantic partner wants one due to desperation or some shallow desire for status? What the hell happened to you to make you this cynical? People have a natural need for love and affection and many people actually want romantic love not because they don't appreciate love between friends or family but because it is nice to have that too. What is wrong with wanting that exactly? I want a girlfriend and someday a wife not because I am desperate or feel I have to conform to some arbitrary societal standard but because it is what I want.

 

What other reason is there?  What other reason is there to label someone as yours with a title of boyfriend or girlfriend?

 

How do you define love?  If it is to care for someone then these titles are simply not necessary.  If anything they are a detriment to love.

 

What is wrong with desiring a romantic relationship?  I guess it's the idea that the romantic relationship is often put on a pedestal over the love between any other two individuals.

 

Maybe it's the idea that love is only significant when both people love each other at the same time, and that at the first sign of one person being unfaithful love can no longer exist.  Or perhaps even worse, the idea that it should no longer exist

 

There are a great many things that the typical romantic relationship perpetuates that I am not a fan of.

Edited by Titan Rising
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If you want to make it happen you gotta let it happen. I'll tell you straight up, you are never going to find love if you are looking for it. Being desperate for love just ends in heartbreak. I guess it's like playin the blues. You will know when it's right.

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There are a great many things that the typical romantic relationship perpetuates that I am not a fan of.

Fair enough but do you really need to assume that everyone that actually wants that in their life is being selfish and shallow? With all due respect you are not a mind reader, you can't possibly know what is in everybody's heart or why they always want what they want or why they want it human beings are more complicated than that. Yes there are people who enter into relationships for selfish reasons but to those of us where that is in fact not the case it is not about labeling or controlling anyone it is about an equal partnership where two people are willing to share their lives with each other. Anyway I can tell this could go on forever and I have said my peace I just hope that you can someday heal from this cynicism, life isn't all doom and gloom my friend.

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Fair enough but do you really need to assume that everyone that actually wants that in their life is being selfish and shallow? With all due respect you are not a mind reader, you can't possibly know what is in everybody's heart or why they always want what they want or why they want it human beings are more complicated than that. Yes there are people who enter into relationships for selfish reasons but to those of us where that is in fact not the case it is not about labeling or controlling anyone it is about an equal partnership where two people are willing to share their lives with each other. Anyway I can tell this could go on forever and I have said my peace I just hope that you can someday heal from this cynicism, life isn't all doom and gloom my friend.

 

It has nothing to do with reading minds, it's about being rational.  It is the only rational explanation for anyone who puts such relationships on a pedestal.  If they didn't then there would be no need to have these kinds of relationships in the first place.  You claim I don't know why people want what they want, but thus far you haven't provided any explanation to counter my own.  If I don't know why these people want what they want, then neither do they, and in the end I would simply assume it's a matter of pride.  Status.

 

Marriage or the status of boyfriend and girlfriend are simply not necessary for two people to share their lives with each other.  This should be obvious.  It is unnecessary, and unless there is some explanation I can not understand, I would again chalk it up to a matter of pride.

 

And I don't know why you're calling me cynical either.  If anything Id wager I'm being more hopeful towards the significance of love than those who feel the need to seek acknowledgment through marriage and other such titles.  I don't feel that I need to have been given love in order to give it to others.

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But if no one looks for their special somepony, then no one will find you, and viceversa. 

And then the world will be full of single people. Not taht that's a bad thing most of the time...

I don't really care if I find mine now or never, I just want to have a lot of close brony friends.

My cousin is so lucky though: she met her boyfriend on a game online and then friended him on FB and found out that he's a brony, and now they're closer than ever :3

But you shouldn't alaways trust the first person you meet.

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I myself would wait til I see someone I find attractive, then see if we have enough in common or if I like her personality. If not, try to stop myself from getting any closer. Then again I'm not crazy about finding a gf so I've only had one. That's all I can say. I can't tell whether its searching or letting someone come to you. Pretty sure its searching

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I myself would wait til I see someone I find attractive, then see if we have enough in common or if I like her personality. If not, try to stop myself from getting any closer. Then again I'm not crazy about finding a gf so I've only had one. That's all I can say. I can't tell whether its searching or letting someone come to you. Pretty sure its searching

i have never been able to talk to girls especialy ones i find attractive so i have been waiting my entire teenage life to find a girl that shows some interest in me but that hasnt exactly i have strted searching for a special somepony

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