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Finding Love vs Letting Love Find Us?


~Master~ Button Mash

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i have never been able to talk to girls especialy ones i find attractive so i have been waiting my entire teenage life to find a girl that shows some interest in me but that hasnt exactly i have strted searching for a special somepony

You don't wait for someone to think you're attractive. Going up to a girl shows confidence and girls like that. Also don't be too shy or don't be too nice. Some people say you have to be kissing up to the girl to win her heart. Thats not exactly true in most girls. I would usually tease a girl a little bit. I've had two girls liking me last year but I wasn't interested. Also, don't get too hurt when rejected. Its important to have some sort of mental toughness

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I'm just going to let things run their course. Quite honestly, I wouldn't mind being single nor would I mind being with someone. I wouldn't drop an opportunity if I met someone I could put my full trust in (something exceedingly rare due to my nature), but I'm not actively trying to create such an opportunity.

 

Sure, an opportunity might never arise, but this isn't really anything I consider to be an issue.

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(edited)

Hello!

 

Yes, to be successful in life, you must put some effort in it.

 

Online dating is for people that are just lazy to get out... When it comes to online dating, everything is conveniant and quick, but there's no emotion in it whatsoever... I personally have never dated anyone yet, but i am in no quick hurry to do so aswell. Right now, you could say i'm playing the waiting game... I have no idea how things will go to place in the future though...

 

To awnser the question, in general, there is now awnser, because these are personal beliefs... One might think trying to find love would seem more logical and effective, while the other would think of the oposite...

 

I disagree. Online dating is a useful tool in modern society, especially when it comes to specific traits people want in a partner (for example...well, bronies seeking pegasisters and vice-versa).

 

Is what you want love?  Or a relationship for the sake of status?

 

Well here's my opinion -

 

Love should be given.  Love shouldn't be sought after or expected.  The need to search for a relationship is desperation for status, not love.  You want to be in a relationship because other people are married or in that kind of relationship and might appear happy and society looks at them like they've had a successful life, and you want one too so you chase after it.

 

Love can be between parents and children, brothers and sisters, and friends, and it is not more or less significant than the greatest relationship that any two people can share.  The need to find a relationship to call someone your girlfriend or boyfriend is the byproduct of pride seeking status and recognition.

 

If you love someone then it should not matter what their relationship status is to you.

Maybe I should have specified romantic love. 

 

Second, I don't care about "status." I couldn't give less of a damn about society when it comes to relationships, I already don't give a damn about society in pretty much every other aspect. What I care about is somebody to share my life with personally. Someone to cuddle with in the morning, someone to travel with, someone to love in a romantic way. Status? Recognition? Buck that.

Edited by AtomicBassCannon
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  • 2 months later...

I believe that things like love happen when it just happens. So I don't think it matters if you let love find you or if you go looking for it. I still think people should rather be looking for it, since if science and all that stuff has tought me anything is that love is chemical, you fall in love with the person that will be the best potential mate, that is creating the best offspring. That's just how love works, which should mean.. In the name of science, that we all have potential mates out there. It's just natures goal, that we create the best offsprings possible. So we are programmed for love, it's an addiction that will result in creating them offsprings. Then that love goes to bringing up those offsprings. Love is just a chemical state, it's just our good old reproduction system.

 

So go looking for it, letting it find you.. It doesn't matter, but if neither go looking for each other I'm pretty certain that you could end up as a forever alone. I have never really fallen in love, but it comes with time. At the moment, I only think about cars anyway.

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It's really a two-way street. Life is not a fantasy where love will just HAPPEN upon you. Instances where this happens are rare. If no one knows you're looking for love how can that love find you? It'll pass you up thinking you're just another person on the street. Unfortunately there's also the stigma that goes around where people ask others on dates and will be told "I'm not interested" even if it's totally unwarranted (I think I remember a topic on the forums about someone who was at the gym and got creeped out by someone so went to some girl who was minding her own business so he would look busy and the first thing she said was "not interested" even though he had said nothing. That sort of thing is FAR more likely than "Wanna go out?" "Yes" ever happening, especially with strangers)

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It should be a little bit of both tbh. If you are trying too hard to find love, you will end up getting desperate and ending up in a relationship you won't like. Though if you don't try at all, there is a good chance nothing in your life is going to change, as you aren't making an effort for something you want.

 

Either way, love shouldn't be on your top priority list, you getting your life set is.

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  • 2 weeks later...

i believe that all that matters in life is that some one you loved has loved you the same way back and that all your effort in life should be spent on finding that very special person to spend the rest of your life with 

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  • 6 years later...

In my experience, waiting around for it to happen doesn't work. My ex-girlfriend did come around in that kind of way, but an entire decade has passed since.

For some people it may work that way... But I don't think that it's going to work that way for me. That ship has sailed. lol

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(edited)

I have learned that love always finds you, and not the other way around. The other way around invites heartbreak and rarely if ever works out. I have been in three different relationships that all ended in failure and those were all initiated when I was actively looking for somebody. The desperation made these relationships either go too fast, totally ignore important things that will make it unworkable, or a combination of both. I found my current boyfriend not even actively looking for anyone, heck it all started in a pretty bad fight that we had over PMs on another forum.

Edited by ~Dusky~
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I heavily disagree with the idea of going out to "find love". In time, finding someone who is compatible and you are attracted to will happen. I feel like going out trying to make a connection happen (e.g: dating sites) is insincere love at best. Don't try to kindle a spark that was obviously never going to become lit on it's own. From pure observation and my first relationship, I have found that love is strongest between those who let a bond form naturally. The relationships that have been forced out of one partners fear of loneliness or search for love are those that I have seen crash and burn time and time again.

To me, it seems like some people in this forum post confuse "letting love find you" with never going out and socializing to see if there is anyone compatible. Of course, you'll never find someone if you don't at the least go out to find friends you can spend time around. The problem is when you skip over the formation of bonds before trying to jump into romance and sexual relations.

Simply, let love happen. Don't go out and try to force love/romance to occur, because those relationships tend to not last long, or burn out into resentment. In time, through formation of friendships, socializing, working, etc, you will gain friends, you will form bonds and friendships, and one of those might end up becoming your romantic partner down the line. If you don't let romance develop naturally, the love won't ever be there, though. Don't "let love find you", but let love have the chance and time to potentially develop between you and another person.

  • Brohoof 2
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I agree with the previous post. Even if I never knew love, I feel dating websites are not a so great idea for me. Each one is expecting love around the corner and I think it can be difficult to just let be friends in the first place. 

It's really better to search just friends I think, then see if there is some attractiveness well after. The fact is  I never made new close friends for ten years now. I tend to stick with my previous ones a lot.

I think I'm still a bit desperate and I must focus on other things like my hobbies. Perhaps one day I will find enough courage to meet new people but still not today.

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Love can be quite sensitive in general, so I'd say that leaving things be and letting it find you is the best choice. Rushing it won't get you anywhere. As for me, I don't have much interest, so I honestly couldn't care less.

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It depends on who you are, what you want and when you want it. True love is a tricky thing and it takes more than just a pretty face. There has to be a connection on a deeper level. Letting love come to you is nice but a lot of people might hit on you based on nothing but physical attractiveness and little else, figuring if they go after enough people, someone’s bound to work out. This doesn’t mean the result will be true love, just a temporary fix. So it’s good to maintain standards regardless of the difficulty. Women tend to have an easier time letting love come to us because men are more aggressive about such things whereas girls are more likely to wait for someone else to make the first move. A lot of girls I know are lazy and apply little effort of their own on the risky assumption there will always be another candidate eventually. It never hurts to look around if it improves one’s chances. Love is hard enough without limiting your options. 

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Alright I am not exactly the best person with love tipps because I've never went on dates, tried to woo someone or similar.. but I'll tell you - don't force it. The perfect person will show up when you don't expect it and are not looking for it. I myself have never actively looked for partners and have had 4 relationships now. Only one was a total disaster but luckily it was the long distance one and only lasted 2 months. 

I've always been with people who liked the same stuff and shared my hobbies. Usually it developed through friendships and I'm keeping the slogan "marry your best friend"! 

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