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The EQG apocalypse (EQG drama parody thing)


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This is a short story thing I wrote in a single sitting, as a joke about how people are taking Equestria Girls so seriously. I got the inspiration to write this from all the silly drama on the internet about Equestria Girls and Twilight Sparkle getting wings, and people making crazy predictions because of these things.

 

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Civilization has fallen. Rubble is scattered where great buildings once stood. The people struggle to survive in the harsh wasteland that is the ruin of society. Years ago, a great tragedy occurred. Many a person predicted this tragedy, but they were decried as fools. However, time has made them wise, and those who were once seen as logical are now fools, for those who predicted the tragedy are now the only ones alive today.

They said Equestria Girls wouldn’t be the end of the world. They said Twilight Sparkle becoming an alicorn wouldn’t be the end of the world. Their bones are a monument to their inability to see the incoming disaster.

Rob remembered the world before the apocalypse. A single tear rolled down his cheek. “If only they had listened to us.” Rob had dedicated his life to finding all traces of Alicorn Twilight and Equestria Girls, so they could do no harm to the civilization that rises to replace the old. He didn’t know how many other survivors there were. Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands? It mattered not to him, for his goal would remain the same regardless of how many others walk this earth.

As Rob walked through the rubble, he tripped. A scuff on his knee, nothing major. The rip to his pants was far worse. Flesh heals. Pants do not. He looked at what he tripped over. A Wal*Mart sign.  he then grabbed a nearby piece of metal and dug through the ruins. He discovered a cache of My Little Pony toys. Jackpot.

He glanced over them, when two of them caught his eye. An alicorn Twilight figure, and an Equestria Girls Twilight figure. He knew what he had to do. He had to burn them to prevent them from rising and taking any more lives. He reached in his pocket and produced a lighter. Just enough butane to dispose of it. He set the corner of the packages ablaze. The figures’ eyes started to glow red. He was too late. He started to run.

The slicorn Twilight figure twisted and deformed, both from the heat, and the souls of the damned that power its hate for all that is good. It continued to twist, as the sickening sounds of flesh and bone being generated from the concentrated hatred of all who are evil filled the air. Soon, the figure was a massive twisted form that resembled a purple horse, with a horn and wings. Holes in its skin revealed gnarled, twisted flesh and bone. A mark depicting a man being decapitated appeared on its grotesquery of a flank. It let loose a cry not unlike a horse, accompanied by the crying of a thousand dying children.

The Equestria Girls Twilight figure rose up from the rubble, and it began to transform into a twisted form that resembled a human teenage female with purple skin, though the deformed masses with teeth jutting out of them that sprouted throughout its body, as well as the horns and wings guaranteed that no sane man would ever mistake it for anything of this world, human or otherwise. A mark depicting a rotting corpse appeared on its grotesque cheek. It sat upon its hideous mount and charged towards Rob.

Rob’s mind raced. He knew he couldn’t run from these hellspawn. He knew he had to find a weapon. But what? Sweat dripped down his face as he glanced back and forth looking for a means to defend himself. Then, he saw the thing that would save him. There was one weapon that could destroy the hellbeasts easily, but he thought they had all been destroyed. A pre-alicorn Twilight Sparkle figure.

 Smug from his discovery, he turned to face the beast, which was drawing close. The stench of fetid water and decomposing fish was overpowering. Rob tore open the container which held his precious artifact of an age that would be forgotten.  He thrust it into the air towards the direction of the hellbeast. The creatures, which had now merged into a single fiend, started smoking. A rancid stench filled the air. A beam of light shot from the figure and hit the hellish monstrosity. It let loose an unearthly sound that could be interpreted as a scream, then liquefied. It was dead.

Rob knew that there were many more of these fiends lying dormant. Stronger ones. Ones that a single holy artifact could not slay. He realized his efforts were futile, for however many survivors remained, the number of these hellbeasts was certainly far greater. No hope. He wandered for hours, with no purpose. He saw no point in living anymore, yet he saw suicide as cowardly, and would rather suffer for eternity than die feeding the rage and hatred of the monstrosities that lie dormant. Suddenly, he noticed something. A purple haze surrounded the horn of his artifact.’

As he moved forward, the haze grew into a brilliant light, and that brilliant light started pulsing. Instinct told him to dig, and so he did. What he found restored his hope. With this, he knew there was a chance. A chance to end the reign of terror the demons had brought upon the crumbling earth once and for all.

In a pile clutched in the arms of a skeleton was a collection of figures. Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. He kneeled before the figures, and placed his Twilight Sparkle figure among them. The earth began to shake. A rainbow descended from the sky and bathed the figures in a colorful light. A shockwave sent Rob flying backwards, and a bright flash nearly blinded him. When he reoriented himself, he saw that the figures were no more. Instead lie a sword, capable of felling even the most terrible of demons. He grabbed the sword, and triumphantly thrust it into the sky. A bolt of lightning from the heavens slammed the blade, and arcs of light shot from it. All over the world, pillars of light rose from the ground, destroying demons before they could even awaken from their accursed slumber.

Somewhere in the world was a shelter where many survivors had taken refuge. An old man gazed in wonder as the glorious light flooded the sky and killed the demons. Soon, the survivors rushed from their shelter and were awestruck by the power of pre-alicorn Twilight Sparkle. Then they noticed the lone figure of Rob, holding high the sword that could slay all evil. As a group, the survivors made their way toward Rob, and reached him just as the sword’s power started to wane.

The old man waited to catch his breath, then he spoke. “Oh grandest of heroes, you have slain the demons that have destroyed civilization. Thanks to your heroism, we can begin anew!” Rob, panting from the effort it took to summon the power of the heavens, sat down. “Yes. We can form a new civilization! Create a future where everybody knows the dangers of Equestria Girls, of alicorn Twilight. A world without evil, without strife. But I must remain ever-vigilant, for I have a purpose now. A task appointed to me by the gods of harmony. There could still be hellish demons out there in the wasteland, too powerful to be vanquished for the light. I shall journey as long as I can, until the day I die. I must vanquish these fiends face to face, and recover the fragments of the Mane 6, the six elemental crystals of harmony. Fear not, for your divine protector will always be out there, protecting the survivors of mankind until all the demons are slain.”

Rob wandered off into the sunset, Sword of Harmony in hand, as the survivors began clearing the rubble, salvaging any materials they could use to rebuild.

 

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I thought having Equestria Girls and alicorn Twilight literally bring an apocalypse was an amusing concept. I used apocalypse cliches and fantasy cliches to emphasize the silliness of making such a big deal about a spinoff of a children's cartoon. Why's the main character named Rob? No reason, really. It's the first name that came to my head. Please keep in mind that this isn't an attack against anybody's opinions or anything. It's all in good fun, really.

 

If this is well-received, perhaps I will make a continuation of in the future, incorporating whatever fandom drama is present at the time as the villain.

 

(Note to moderators: I put this in non-pony artwork because that seemed like the most logical place to me. While it does involve ponies, it's not really a fanfic, and it's not based in the pony universe. If my judgement was wrong, well, oops I guess.)

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