Recommended Posts

@gamecubeguy214 Can't really help unless we have a clearer idea what the problem is.

First of all, can you describe the concept she talked about, even though you don't recall its name? If not, you should ask her to repeat it, maybe even write it down for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The only thing I can think of here based on the above relates to conduction and soil heat flux density. Maybe that's the term you're missing? Mantle/hydrogenic convection, perhaps?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok this topic has been bugging me and I wanna experiment here in this topic if you don't mind. I'll just give it as a test drive.

Basically I have these 8 problems that relate to a high level Math/Finance course (Theory of Interest), Actuarial Science level Math here, and these problems relate to these respective chapters in my textbook: Measuring Interest, Solving Problems in Interest, Annuities, and Amortization. Let's start with the first question here.

  1. At the same rate of non-zero interest, the present value of a level payment annuity-immediate of 6n payments of $R is 7/2 (or 3.5x) the present value of a 2n payment annuity-immediate with the same payment. What’s the present value of an annuity of 12n payments of $R in terms of the present value of the annuity of n payments?

For all you people struggling in lower level Math courses like Algebra and Geometry, they are nothing compared to Real Math (e.g. Linear Algebra, Abstract Algebra, Real Analysis, Probability and Statistics, and Theory of Interest) where every topic is so abstract and theoretical to the point of making your head spin. It would make you question if you really are a Math expert as you say you are. No wonder some Mathematicians suck at doing the kind of Math the common average person is familiar.

The Math I've been learning all my life is a lie (just like cake). I used to believe I was good at Math, but now... I'm not so sure anymore. :(

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Badges

@ZethaPondererWhy's the topic "bugging" you, and what "test" do you mean?
Am I right to assume you posted that question here just to see whether one of us will be smart?

This is a thread for those who're having difficulties doing homework, in need of some guidance.
Because it's easy to think you understand stuff you're told in class, if your teacher explains the reasoning clearly. But when it comes to trying to solve a problem, it can be tough to figure out which way the logic goes. Especially when you know many methods to seek an answer but aren't sure which one will be more accurate.

So, are you legitimately in need of guidance in answering that question you posted? The rest of your post sounds more like you're flexing about "Real Math" rather than asking for homework help.

And wth is this "Real Math" thing anyway, I've never heard it called that until now?
I could tell you about "Real Biology" because I've studied Population Genetics, learned about Illumina sequencing, done PCRs and phylogeny. I'm betting 3/4 of the memberbase here haven't heard of any of these notions until they saw my post. Does that mean they haven't been learning biology, that it was all fake?

I am genuinely confused by the wording of that post there... I understand it's much harder than middle-school maths, but why's this a "test drive"?

  • Brohoof 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Feather Spiral Well it's both ways. Being skeptical while still being opportunistic enough to see if this topic is legit in the same manner as say Chegg or Wyzant, just to see if anyone can figure out a solution for it. Under what criteria does this topic specialize in tutoring people. From Pre-School Subjects to High-School Subjects? From Kindergarten to College level? Cause it's not clear.

Also, that was more of a vent rather than a flex since I feel dumb for not figuring out how to solve these 8 problems in my course to do well in. The reason why I emphasize the Math I'm learning is for "Real" is because this is hardly taught (since this is abstract and theoretical in nature) and I wish I would've learned this sooner. I feel cheated in my life for not knowing this.

I miss number crunching and having fun with Algebra. :( 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Badges

Well it's tough to answer the question of which levels, because it's whatever level the person who responds is.

Now, if I'd taken your course and known terms like "annuity-immediate", I probably could've shown you a way to reword the problem. Once you could understand it easier, you could try to figure out a way to solve it.

I also had a similar problem of going down the drain after things got more specialized, so you're not alone there, friend.

(I'd try giving it a try now, but I'm exhausted and sleepless from a trip, so I'll leave it there for now. You need anything else, ask here and cross your fingers...)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm doing a physics problem relating to electromagnetism, however I feel as though I don't have enough data to fully answer it. I'd love for someone to message me or quote me to help. Thanks so much.

The question goes:

A particle with a charge of +1.6*10^-19 and mass 3.9*10^-25 is accelerated from rest through a potential difference of 1.5*10^5V. It then enters a magnetic field of 0.15 T that is perpendicular to its motion. Find the radius of the path in the magnetic field.

Essentially, the bones of the question:

q=1.6*10^-19

m=3.9*10^-35

u=0

V=1.5*10^5

B=0.15

(theta)=90

r=?

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Cximia Take a look at this website. There are formulas that you can find useful, with pictures. It pretty much combines the Lorentz's force formula with the formula for centripetal force (which is magnetic force in this case). Be careful not to confuse lowercase "v" (velocity) with uppercase "V" (electric potential, or voltage). The latter is used in calculations of the particle's velocity when it is accelerated through electric potential difference.

@ZethaPonderer I don't think your problem is with mathematics or applying it. It might be more about understanding the problem you're trying to solve. I'm not an expert on finances, so I don't understand the finances-specific terms used in your question, but I understand words such as "rate", "percentage", "value" etc., and it sounds like a problem of compound interest, so maybe take a look on that.

If it is indeed about compound interest, then the formula is pretty simple: Kn = K*(1+r/n)^n  where r is the percentage rate at each moment you calculate the compounding, n is the number of compounding moments, and K is the initial amount of money you start with. So Kn is how much money you get after n moments of compounding. It pretty much multiplies the initial amount K by the entire parenthesis n times. The value in the parenthesis is pretty much 100% of the previous value (that's the "1") plus another r percent of the previous value – actually an nth part of it, because you're distributing the entire rate r over n steps.

But if it isn't about compound interest, the formulas may get somewhat more complicated, especially when calculus is involved (rates of change than can change over time depending on some conditions along the way). Maybe if you explained the specific terms used in your question and give us some context of what they mean and how are they used, it would be easier to come up with some math. Because once you understand the problem, the math part is usually the easiest. (Well, unless you're doing some quantum physics – then the math can get really ugly, with complex partial differential equations & stuff :q ).

  • Brohoof 1
  • Thanks 1
  • Yay 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(edited)
On 11/12/2017 at 10:49 PM, Midnight Blaze 98 said:

Does anypony have any tips on how to learn 2 tables of Greek noun endings in three days?

I can only say that learning them by memorizing tables is the worst possible way of doing it :q  Even if you somehow manage to do it, you'll forget them in a week or two anyway.

The way I learn conjugation / declension is this:

I learn each case in separation, one after another, depending on the order in which I want to grok the language.
Usually I start with genitive case, because it already allows me to form some simple phrases such as "Twilight's book" or "your mother" or "The Elements of Harmony" (genitive is often used for origin, material, source etc., think of an "away from" motion.)
Then I learn the accusative, because it is the most important one if you want to make sentences with direct objects (direct objects are in accusative). This allows me to form simple sentences, such as "The diamond dog chases Rarity."
The next one to learn is dative, which is used in sentences for the indirect object with bi-transitive verbs. This allows to form sentences such as "They gave the Elements to the Tree", but it often works for constructs like "this gem is for Spike" (think of "towards" motion, giving something to someone, pointing at directions, describing purposes etc.).
If there is locative case, it is usually used with prepositions, for describing time and place, so stuff like "Cloudsdale is above Ponyville" etc.
Vocative? Not many languages still have them. They usually use the nominative form for both. But if they distinguish vocatives, I learn them as last, because it is least useful, unless you need to give people commands or address them directly very often.

I learn each case separately, using it in simple phrases and sentences, in which only one element changes (I substitute different nouns into the same sentence to get the pattern), but the ending stays the same.

Try remembering only what CHANGES from one case to another, basing on what you already know about the cases you learned previously.

You can also try finding some patterns in those endings, based on their PHONETICS, not spelling (languages are first spoken, then written down).
For example, I see that the masculine forms are built around the "o" vowel (the "omega", or should I say "o mega" = "the big o", is also an "o" sound, just a bit longer and deeper), while the feminine forms are built around the "a" vowel (sometimes changed to "eta" due to sound changes caused by accents). This pattern is quite predominant in Latin & Greek and their derivatives (shared with Indo-European languages in general). The accusative ends in "n" ("nu") in all declensions, but you've already spotted that, from what I can see. The genitive case uses "sigma" endings (the "s" sound) in first declension (feminine) and "upsilon" in second declension (non-feminine). The dative makes the sounds longer (which changes notation and accents).

A good idea might be to colour the letters with different colours (the same letter with the same colour) to make those patterns more evident at a glance. Try to use similar colours for letters that sound similar. (Remember, phonetics first.)

But still, practice makes perfect. It is better to use those endings in speech or writing sentences than just memorize tables. After all, you learn languages to use them, to be able to express your ideas in them, or read other people's ideas from books. Therefore using the language to express your own ideas by talking in it, is crucial.

Good luck!

Edited by SasQ

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As my high school capstone project I decided to create an animation, and I hope you guys can give me some inspiration or ideas :grin:

I was thinking of either animating a music video based on an existing song, creating an original short story (although not sure where to head with this) or a parody of an existing movie/show, like Deadpool or Star Wars. I thought of doing pony related stuff but I just don't think that I'm up to presenting that infront of my teachers and classmates xD however, I'm totally in for dropping hints of MLP, like MLP related things or jokes or ponies hidden in the background.

Thanks guys ^.^

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Badges

I like to create stories in my head for music, usually battle scenes, and I've always wanted to see them animated. Maybe just walk around while listening to something and it'll just click :fluttershy:

Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Egg-3

Merging with Homework Help :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The forklift

It must be nice to have a choice. A choice of destiny. Im where I belong, part of the hum of machinery forming ‘The Austen Factory’. This is the only home I’ve ever known, it’s where I fit in: or so they say. The people here say I’m useful, say I’m needed; I have all the validation but none of the satisfaction. Unfortunately belonging doesn’t necessarily mean you ‘fit in’. Where does anyone fit in? We’re not tessellating shapes in an art piece. No, this world is so messy and ridged yet here we all are trying to jam ourselves into any place we can, desperate to leave our mark on the world or risk falling off the face of the planet altogether: the memory of us lost in an abyss of pointlessness. 

So this is me, fulfilling my destiny: an endless cycle of carting from pillar to post. Any dreams that might have been, left far in the past. The days blur as a crushing weight of responsibilities steel my nights but the nightmares lie in my waking moments anyway, interlaced through the dull grey halls with their petrol stench: a route of labor for a life of slavery. No matter, it’s been so long since my time beyond these prison walls that those memories feel like someone else’s life entirely.

Well, until today when even just the memories of the dreams I once held so tightly slipped back with the return of one little robot. I didn’t know him personally but I knew he belonged here because he was branded with the same logo that marks all of us.

I was mindlessly lost in my work, so much so that I almost ran him over but, as I was on a schedule there was no time (or, I must admit, energy) to stop and apologise. I did notice him however, and from there on in, I watched. I watched as he stumbled through the factory’s chaos like a lost puppy. I watched him searching for some kind of sign, one which a logo won’t suffice. He was clearly torn in decision, but between what? I couldn’t understand, he had returned to where he belonged so surly he couldn’t be thinking of leaving again. 

But after much hesitation it was clear his mind was made up. He tore the logo from his side: a final act of liberation from his label and I couldn’t help the anger, no, jealousy that came over me. You can’t alter a path if you have no tools and yet here I was watching as he left for good, carving a new path from nothing. He walked away towards the golden sunshine and forests beyond and as he did I could do nothing but wish I had that courage. The courage to pursue a life where I’d have control. But I know better, I know that you need more than just the will to survive, that even freedom comes with a price. So I’ll stay where I belong and work as I always have because, there is no other path for me.

*finish*
first of all thank you so much if you’ve gotten this far it’s just that I seriously need some honest opinions about my work cause when I sent the first draft to my teacher for some feedback she refused to reply saying that she wanted me to decide what to improve myself and I couldn’t help thinking ‘is it that bad?’ And now that I’ve edited I’m too embarrassed to hand it in without knowing what people actually think so please be as honest as you can and I’d prefer you not try and spare my feelings because I really need to here the truth so I can improve
(also feel free to tell me to start a different story altogether if it really is that bad)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Mlp_fan101

Merging with Homework Help :fluttershy:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Mlp_fan101 said:

The forklift

It must be nice to have a choice. A choice of destiny. Im where I belong, part of the hum of machinery forming ‘The Austen Factory’. This is the only home I’ve ever known, it’s where I fit in: or so they say. The people here say I’m useful, say I’m needed; I have all the validation but none of the satisfaction. Unfortunately belonging doesn’t necessarily mean you ‘fit in’. Where does anyone fit in? We’re not tessellating shapes in an art piece. No, this world is so messy and ridged yet here we all are trying to jam ourselves into any place we can, desperate to leave our mark on the world or risk falling off the face of the planet altogether: the memory of us lost in an abyss of pointlessness. 

So this is me, fulfilling my destiny: an endless cycle of carting from pillar to post. Any dreams that might have been, left far in the past. The days blur as a crushing weight of responsibilities steel my nights but the nightmares lie in my waking moments anyway, interlaced through the dull grey halls with their petrol stench: a route of labor for a life of slavery. No matter, it’s been so long since my time beyond these prison walls that those memories feel like someone else’s life entirely.

Well, until today when even just the memories of the dreams I once held so tightly slipped back with the return of one little robot. I didn’t know him personally but I knew he belonged here because he was branded with the same logo that marks all of us.

I was mindlessly lost in my work, so much so that I almost ran him over but, as I was on a schedule there was no time (or, I must admit, energy) to stop and apologise. I did notice him however, and from there on in, I watched. I watched as he stumbled through the factory’s chaos like a lost puppy. I watched him searching for some kind of sign, one which a logo won’t suffice. He was clearly torn in decision, but between what? I couldn’t understand, he had returned to where he belonged so surly he couldn’t be thinking of leaving again. 

But after much hesitation it was clear his mind was made up. He tore the logo from his side: a final act of liberation from his label and I couldn’t help the anger, no, jealousy that came over me. You can’t alter a path if you have no tools and yet here I was watching as he left for good, carving a new path from nothing. He walked away towards the golden sunshine and forests beyond and as he did I could do nothing but wish I had that courage. The courage to pursue a life where I’d have control. But I know better, I know that you need more than just the will to survive, that even freedom comes with a price. So I’ll stay where I belong and work as I always have because, there is no other path for me.

*finish*
first of all thank you so much if you’ve gotten this far it’s just that I seriously need some honest opinions about my work cause when I sent the first draft to my teacher for some feedback she refused to reply saying that she wanted me to decide what to improve myself and I couldn’t help thinking ‘is it that bad?’ And now that I’ve edited I’m too embarrassed to hand it in without knowing what people actually think so please be as honest as you can and I’d prefer you not try and spare my feelings because I really need to here the truth so I can improve
(also feel free to tell me to start a different story altogether if it really is that bad)

To give a review I need to know the context of this assignment. Is it a short story self contained? A poem? Introduction to a novel? Your diction is nice, a bit heavy handed on the figurative language (but if its poetry that makes sense). Its a little hard to paint a mental image. The image of emotion is strong but I struggle to see the environment. Maybe add a one liner like "passing through the endless hall of shelves and pallets I bla bla bla." But if this is only supposed to elicit and emotion then maybe not. I got longing to break from monotony while acknowledging ones place 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Sunlight Glisten said:

To give a review I need to know the context of this assignment. Is it a short story self contained? A poem? Introduction to a novel? Your diction is nice, a bit heavy handed on the figurative language (but if its poetry that makes sense). Its a little hard to paint a mental image. The image of emotion is strong but I struggle to see the environment. Maybe add a one liner like "passing through the endless hall of shelves and pallets I bla bla bla." But if this is only supposed to elicit and emotion then maybe not. I got longing to break from monotony while acknowledging ones place 

Thank you so much you’ve made some extremely helpful points that I’m excited to improve upon:wub: My issue was that this assignment doesn’t actually have context, it can be poetry or prose and has no designated length, all we had was a short film for inspiration but are allowed to stray as far from that as we like. But now that you’ve brought it to light I guess I’m going for a self contained short story, in which case I see your point on not having a mental picture as I haven’t really included much about the setting unless you’ve  watched the film. I very much liked the point about breaking from the monotony because now you mention it I feel the story has a droning feel to it but I’m not exactly sure how to go about that and was wondering if you would suggest adding something in the middle or perhaps a change of ending? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

21 hours ago, Mlp_fan101 said:

Thank you so much you’ve made some extremely helpful points that I’m excited to improve upon:wub: My issue was that this assignment doesn’t actually have context, it can be poetry or prose and has no designated length, all we had was a short film for inspiration but are allowed to stray as far from that as we like. But now that you’ve brought it to light I guess I’m going for a self contained short story, in which case I see your point on not having a mental picture as I haven’t really included much about the setting unless you’ve  watched the film. I very much liked the point about breaking from the monotony because now you mention it I feel the story has a droning feel to it but I’m not exactly sure how to go about that and was wondering if you would suggest adding something in the middle or perhaps a change of ending? 

With such an open ended assignment I really dont know how to help. It has undertones of Plato's allegory of the cave.  Maybe it can be a philosophical story.

  • Brohoof 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Sunlight Glisten said:

With such an open ended assignment I really dont know how to help. It has undertones of Plato's allegory of the cave.  Maybe it can be a philosophical story.

Yeah I guess my teacher made it so openended to see how creatively we approached the task or something idk. Can I just say though your previous advice actually really helped me, I did a lot more work today and I’m liking the story a lot more already. It was just really nice to have some good constructive feed back for once rather than people just saying it’s good or asking me what I think needs improvement so I really did appreciate your help ^_^

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Mlp_fan101 said:

Yeah I guess my teacher made it so openended to see how creatively we approached the task or something idk. Can I just say though your previous advice actually really helped me, I did a lot more work today and I’m liking the story a lot more already. It was just really nice to have some good constructive feed back for once rather than people just saying it’s good or asking me what I think needs improvement so I really did appreciate your help ^_^

Glad I could help. I hope it makes the grade. Is this high school or college?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

20 hours ago, Sunlight Glisten said:

Glad I could help. I hope it makes the grade. Is this high school or college?

Just high school, it’s an extra English writing subject, I’d love to do English writing in college but I’m not sure I have enough natural talent as I very much have a maths brain myself

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 5/25/2019 at 10:57 AM, Mlp_fan101 said:

The forklift

It must be nice to have a choice. A choice of destiny. Im where I belong, part of the hum of machinery forming ‘The Austen Factory’. This is the only home I’ve ever known, it’s where I fit in: or so they say. The people here say I’m useful, say I’m needed; I have all the validation but none of the satisfaction. Unfortunately belonging doesn’t necessarily mean you ‘fit in’. Where does anyone fit in? We’re not tessellating shapes in an art piece. No, this world is so messy and ridged yet here we all are trying to jam ourselves into any place we can, desperate to leave our mark on the world or risk falling off the face of the planet altogether: the memory of us lost in an abyss of pointlessness. 

So this is me, fulfilling my destiny: an endless cycle of carting from pillar to post. Any dreams that might have been, left far in the past. The days blur as a crushing weight of responsibilities steel my nights but the nightmares lie in my waking moments anyway, interlaced through the dull grey halls with their petrol stench: a route of labor for a life of slavery. No matter, it’s been so long since my time beyond these prison walls that those memories feel like someone else’s life entirely.

Well, until today when even just the memories of the dreams I once held so tightly slipped back with the return of one little robot. I didn’t know him personally but I knew he belonged here because he was branded with the same logo that marks all of us.

I was mindlessly lost in my work, so much so that I almost ran him over but, as I was on a schedule there was no time (or, I must admit, energy) to stop and apologise. I did notice him however, and from there on in, I watched. I watched as he stumbled through the factory’s chaos like a lost puppy. I watched him searching for some kind of sign, one which a logo won’t suffice. He was clearly torn in decision, but between what? I couldn’t understand, he had returned to where he belonged so surly he couldn’t be thinking of leaving again. 

But after much hesitation it was clear his mind was made up. He tore the logo from his side: a final act of liberation from his label and I couldn’t help the anger, no, jealousy that came over me. You can’t alter a path if you have no tools and yet here I was watching as he left for good, carving a new path from nothing. He walked away towards the golden sunshine and forests beyond and as he did I could do nothing but wish I had that courage. The courage to pursue a life where I’d have control. But I know better, I know that you need more than just the will to survive, that even freedom comes with a price. So I’ll stay where I belong and work as I always have because, there is no other path for me.

*finish*
first of all thank you so much if you’ve gotten this far it’s just that I seriously need some honest opinions about my work cause when I sent the first draft to my teacher for some feedback she refused to reply saying that she wanted me to decide what to improve myself and I couldn’t help thinking ‘is it that bad?’ And now that I’ve edited I’m too embarrassed to hand it in without knowing what people actually think so please be as honest as you can and I’d prefer you not try and spare my feelings because I really need to here the truth so I can improve
(also feel free to tell me to start a different story altogether if it really is that bad)

This is good, although I can't say that for sure without knowing what the rubric of your writing task is. The language is a bit flowery but if you're trying to impress your teacher with your literary techniques then you're doing a good job. 

I think you're relying a little too heavily on asyndeta. The first paragraph feels a bit too 'stoppy-starty' and fast. Don't be afraid of conjunctions. In fact, using lots of conjunctions successively (polysyndeton) can be effective in trying to slow down your reader and is stylistically refreshing since a lot of students immediately go for asyndeton. The lack of conjunctions in the first paragraph makes reading feel fast. Reading fast is good for drama, but not philosophical discussion. (At least, in my opinion). I'd recommend removing some of the colons and semi-colons.

The last paragraph is perfect, don't change a thing. (But be mindful of your commas).

  • Brohoof 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 6/2/2019 at 6:50 PM, mini said:

This is good, although I can't say that for sure without knowing what the rubric of your writing task is. The language is a bit flowery but if you're trying to impress your teacher with your literary techniques then you're doing a good job. 

I think you're relying a little too heavily on asyndeta. The first paragraph feels a bit too 'stoppy-starty' and fast. Don't be afraid of conjunctions. In fact, using lots of conjunctions successively (polysyndeton) can be effective in trying to slow down your reader and is stylistically refreshing since a lot of students immediately go for asyndeton. The lack of conjunctions in the first paragraph makes reading feel fast. Reading fast is good for drama, but not philosophical discussion. (At least, in my opinion). I'd recommend removing some of the colons and semi-colons.

The last paragraph is perfect, don't change a thing. (But be mindful of your commas).

Thank you so much, this was very informative, I’ve rewritten my story to try and bring in more of a setting and make it less monotonous but still my teacher refuses to reply to my email. I see your point about the stoppy-starty beginning so I tried to work on that, I might post the improved copy here if you’d like to take a look because I’m not sure why my teacher still doesn’t want to give me any feedback   

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just now, Mlp_fan101 said:

Thank you so much, this was very informative, I’ve rewritten my story to try and bring in more of a setting and make it less monotonous but still my teacher refuses to reply to my email. I see your point about the stoppy-starty beginning so I tried to work on that, I might post the improved copy here if you’d like to take a look because I’m not sure why my teacher still doesn’t want to give me any feedback   

ye sure i'll have a read

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A Forklifts Perspective 

It must be nice to have a choice, a choice of destiny. My thoughts are the same every morning, more wishful thinking as I patiently wait by the assembly line. Looking up, I study a large advertisement displaying a logo that mirrors my own. It tells me where I belong: part of the steady hum of machinery that forms “The Austen Factory”, the only home I’ve ever known. The only place I fit in: or so they say. The people here tell me I’m useful, say I’m needed; I have all the validation but to no satisfaction. Finally, the large white lights hanging overhead flick on bringing the factory to life; The conveyor belt starts to turn and I begin transferring the packaged boxes for train pickup but my mind refuses to be captivated by such monotonous activity. So after much though, I deduce that belonging doesn’t necessarily mean you “fit in”. Where does anyone fit in? Is that to say people can be compared to tessellating shapes and the world an art piece? No, this world is so messy and ridged yet here we are, still trying to jam ourselves into any place we can, desperate to leave our mark on the world or risk falling off the face of the planet altogether: the memory of us lost in an abyss of pointlessness. Stop, I need to stay on task or I’ll miss the train drop off

But as I work, speculations of destiny creep in; is this mine? An endless cycle of carting from pillar to post hardly seems like a destiny to me but what else is there to my life? Any dreams I might’ve had have been left far in the past. The days are a blur as a crushing weight of responsibilities steel my nights but the nightmares lie in my waking moments anyway, interlaced through the dull grey halls filled with petrol stench: a route of labor for a life of slavery. No matter, it’s been so long since my time beyond these prison walls that those memories feel like someone else’s life entirely.

The trains familiar rattle can now be heard from the distance, that’s my cue to get in place for an efficient drop off. The train comes to a stop by the station and the large wired gates of the surrounding fence screech slowly open: this is my favourite part of the day when I fantasise driving through those gates forever, never once looking back; I could start afresh somewhere with a gentle sun that shines all day and instead of dry dirt and concrete walls there would be lush, green grass and dense woodlands and—oh, what’s this? 

A small robot stepped from one of the carriages as I was carrying a crate to the factory supplies storeroom, mindlessly lost in thought I almost ran him over but, as I’m on a schedule there’s no time (or, I must admit, energy) to stop and apologise. Although I don’t know him personally I know he belongs here because he’s branded with the same logo that marks all of us. However I’ve never seen him around which intrigues me as to where he’s been, so from here on in I’ll watch.

I watch as he stumbles through the factory’s chaos like a lost puppy. Searching for some kind of sign, one which a logo won’t suffice. Through his eyes I see my own dilemma reflected but still I can’t understand, he’s returned to where he belongs so this is where he must stay. But after much hesitation it’s clear his mind is made up. He tears the logo from his side: a final act of liberation from his label and I can’t help the anger, no, jealousy that washes over me. You can’t alter a path if you have no tools and yet here I am watching as he leaves for good, carving a new path from nothing. He walks away towards the golden sunset and forests beyond and as I stand in the dark shadows of TAF I can do nothing but wish I had that courage. The courage to pursue a life within my control, where I’d have a choice and the freedom to be happy. But I know better, I know that you need more than just the will to survive, that even freedom comes with a price. So I’ll stay where I belong and work as I always have because, there is no other path for me.

 

*finished*

ok so this is the improved draft but I’m worried my teach must dislike it because she doesn’t reply. 

 

2 minutes ago, mini said:

ye sure i'll have a read

Thank you so much, I’ve posted it above:wub:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(edited)
53 minutes ago, Mlp_fan101 said:

A Forklifts Perspective 

Introduction and setting are portrayed much better. I feel like I understand the character's world more. I like how the character's thoughts are spontaneously disrupted by "Stop," followed by a return to business as usual. This sense of duty foreshadows the conclusion. However, I'd like to change some parts if you don't mind.

53 minutes ago, Mlp_fan101 said:

It must be nice to have a choice, a choice of destiny. My thoughts are the same every morning, more wishful thinking as I patiently wait by the assembly line. Looking up, I study a large advertisement displaying a logo that mirrors my own. It tells me where I belong: part of the steady hum of machinery that forms “The Austen Factory”, the only home I’ve ever known. The only place I fit in. [I got rid of "or say they say." We don't really need that since you follow it with "the people here tell me..."] The people here tell me I’m useful, they say I’m needed; I have all the validation but to no satisfaction. Finally, The large white lights hanging overhead flicker on, illuminating the dreariness of the factory. The conveyor belt starts to turn and I begin transferring the packaged boxes for train pickup but my mind refuses to be captivated by such monotonous activity. So after much though, I deduce that belonging doesn’t necessarily mean you “fit in”. I ponder, does the feeling of belonging coincide with "fitting in"? Where does anyone fit in? Is that to say people can be compared to tessellating shapes and the world an art piece? No, this world is so messy and ridged yet here we are, still trying to jam ourselves into any place we can, still desperate to leave our mark on the world or risk falling off the face of the planet altogether.: the memory of us lost in an abyss of pointlessness. Stop. I need to stay on task. I can't miss the train drop off. 

53 minutes ago, Mlp_fan101 said:

I could start afresh somewhere with a gentle sun that shines all day and instead of dry dirt and concrete walls there would be lush, green grass and dense woodlands and—Oh, an unfamiliar image cuts my reverie short.

A small robot stepped from one of the carriages as I was carrying a crate to the factory supplies storeroom [...]

["Oh, what's this?" sounds a bit too colloquial and doesn't really suit the rest of your prose.]

53 minutes ago, Mlp_fan101 said:

The days are a blur as a crushing weight of responsibilities steel my nights but the nightmares lie in my waking moments anyway, interlaced through the dull grey halls filled with petrol stench: a route of labor for a life of slavery. This sentence is perfect. Olfactory imagery is a nice touch. 

53 minutes ago, Mlp_fan101 said:

Through his eyes I see my own dilemma reflected but still I can’t understand, he’s returned to where he belongs so this is where he must stay. Another good sentence. 

 

This version is markedly better. I'm not sure why your teacher is refusing to give you proper feedback. sounds like a shit teacher tbh

Edited by mini

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.