Stupid things customers say

[Praetorian Xenomorph 27]

I gotta stop working at fast food places...

 

Yesterday, I was in a Burger King (place looks like you're standing in triceratops shit), working the drive through. Suddenly, I hear this BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. I thought we were in a drive by, so I hit the floor.

 

God. Damn. Mom. Zilla.

 

This HUGE woman and her EQUALLY HUGE kids walk in. The gun noises?

 

Their footsteps.

 

"I NEED SEVEN CHEESEBURGERS, AND THREE KIDS MEALS, PLEASE! AND DON'T SCREW IT UP, LIKE ALL OF YOU IDIOTS WORKING HERE DO." she screams to our cashier, who I'm silently applauding for not himself from pure fear. If he messes up, this lady can and will jump on him.

 

"Y-Yes ma'am..." he says, voice trembling.

 

"DON'T GET THAT TONE WITH ME, YOUNG MAN! AND NOW I WANT SEVEN APPLE PIES, LARGE, EIGHT ROOTBEERS, A SMALL, LARGE, TWO MEDIUMS, TWO MORE LARGES AND A SMALL AND A MEDIUM! THEN SOME MILKSHAKES! CHOCOLATE, FOUR OF THEM AND FOUR VANILLA! YOU GOT IT!?" she yells at my co-worker.

 

"Y...Yeah..."

 

She begins screaming, reaching over the counter to grab poor coworker. She was pissed that he put in some wrong orders, even though she made her order like a Jenga game or something. 

 

Her kids are making hog noises, going super saiyan or talking to customers just trying to enjoy their (terrible) food.

 

Eventually, she gets her jigsaw puzzle of an order and leaves politely.

 

Holy.

 

Shit.

[CT-1138 3,179]

I work produce and there was this one customer that came up to me asking for this oddball type of pepper that I couldn't even pronounce. I called my supervisor over, and he didn't know what it was, and then we had to call the store manager over to help. So there was 3 of us crowding around this poor little woman's phone as she showed us a picture of what turned out to be the search results for the scientific name of habanero peppers.

[StarSweeper 13]

Well yes we are talking about the customer but I'm talking about the waiter

The waiter asks if we want a table and all I can think is no I wNt to sit on the floor yes floor for 2 lol

[GhostPony750 958]

Well, it's not a thing a costumer said, but somthing happened in a restaurant.

 

I was going to buy some food with my family, and there was this guy (working here), who just started smashing the cheese for no reasons. He punched it, slammed in on the table. I was like "Dafuq"?

 

And even worse, the manager was just beside him, I believe he got fired lol.

[Creamy Arty 6,251]

One of the dumbest things customers say is also one of the things frequently said by incompetent management: "Why don't you just..."

 

Chances are good and it's often so that whatever they're about to suggest has already been considered by those doing the work, and has been dismissed for a good reason.

 

 

When I worked at Best Buy many years ago, there was one customer who came in every Saturday night (the very end of the week's sales) and wanted to buy all of the best stuff. One day he asked me "Why is it whenever I come in you never have what's on sale and I can't get a rain check?" I explained to him how sales work and to come in prior to 20 minutes before we closed on the last day of the sale, and he might have much better luck. He scoffed and left. Never did follow my advice and was disappointed every week.

 

Eventually, she gets her jigsaw puzzle of an order and leaves politely.

 

Customers like that aren't even worth the effort. That's when you tell them to take their business elsewhere. 

[Yamato 1,347]

I work at the DMV. I got some good ones.

 

Alright, so I'm helpin' this dude register his new car and due to a small miscalculation, the total ends up $12 higher than I initially told him. This man flips shit and refuses to pay the $12. So I go grab my boss and we explain to him that one way or another, he's going to pay the $12. My boss says to this guy "Now he [me] made a small mistake. We all make mistakes from time to time." and this fucker straight up says "I ain't never made a mistake. Twenty three years in the Marines, if I made a mistake, people died." 

My reply to this was simply "Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Christ. I didn't recognize you." This resulted in much laughter from my boss and most of the other customers. He got really pissed after that though... It was funny as hell.

 

Here's another one.

So a few months ago someone ran their Ford Taurus through the front of the building next door to our office (we use that building for storage). A few people came in while the car was still hanging out the front of the building and without fail, all of them asked "Did someone run into the building next door?" To which I replied "No, we just opened it up for parking."

 

It doesn't really help that the DMV is in that part of town, but I swear, people lose twenty IQ points as soon as they step through the door.

[a Pegasus Pony 134]

Midnight Release at Gamestop for GTA V.

Me: Looks Like your going to be the first to get that game my good sir. Whats the first thing you'll do?

Customer: Hell yeah! First thing I'm going to do is Get Money, Find a hooker, Get done and kill her for my money back.

I died laughing so hard I couldn't finish the sale.

[Shanks 10,811]

He scoffed and left. Never did follow my advice and was disappointed every week.

At the store I work at there is a lot of night business so there are customers who try to get chicken from the service deli at 9 or even 10 at night and some of them will get quite indignant if we don't have it then even though the store closes at 11. When I was first hired I worked the service deli for a brief while and I can say that it is a lot of cleanup especially at night. The deli usually stops making chicken at 8 and will sometimes mark down whatever chicken is not sold before 9 if there is too much of it left. We literally have to pull everything out and I mean everything including the fryers and rotisserie and clean it.

 

While I am here I have two more, I was writing the order for the next days grocery deli load (all dairy items not covered by the regular milk load) and I tried to double check if I ordered these particular items before sending the order. I apparently didn't see this one customer and accidentally cut in front of him. He apparently said "oh I guess you won't help me" or something like that and stormed off. Until then he was just another customer as far as I am concerned, if he need help with something all he needed to do was ask I am not a mind reader. I was ringing up this other customer and after I put the order through I saw that he had a large number of coupons and pointed that out to him and he got very angry that I didn't put them through. Since I didn't know how to put them through after the order has already been rung up and had to get away from him before I fed him his teeth I called a manager. I can't scan coupons if customers don't give them to me much less if I don't even see them.

[Frith is Magick 1,469]

Working in a grocery store, I have had gained a small collection of such anecdotes.

 

I have had customers try to redeem coupons that aren't valid, and they get huffy when it is explained why the coupon cannot be accepted. Another time, there was a gentleman who was outraged that he had to pay tax on a rotisserie chicken, saying that he never had to pay tax on cooked chickens before. One night I was closing, and with less than five minutes to closing and a lng line of customers, these three little old ladies are standing there counting out change and trying to decide how to split the bill. It was painful.

I am around 190 cm tall, one day this shorter lady looks around my till. I ask if she is looking for a garbage can, she thought I was standing on something, and wanted to check. There have been a few times when people have asked me where the bathrooms are, even though the sign would be plain as day if they looked past me.

 

One of my favorites. One day, a man came to my till and asked, perfectly seriously, if we carried giraffe food. At first I thought it was a specific brand, but no, he meant food for giraffes. This guy was perfectly serious, I thought I was being screwed with. 

 

One random story, not of idiocy, but amusing nonetheless. A while back, the store I work at was raising money for a charity. When asked if they would like to make a small donation, most people say no, but one evening, I ask a customer if he wants to donate, even though he looked the kind of person who would flat out refuse. He leaned forward slightly, looked me dead in the eye, and asked "what kind of *censored* would say no?". That made me smile.

[QuirkyUsername 1,576]

I could fill a book of all the stupid shit people asked when I worked as a computer technician but one of the more irritating things was when a customer walked in.

*Customer walks into leading edge computers*

Me: Afternoon how can I help you.

Him: do you sell computers

Me: Y-yes we do

Him: *looks at laptop prices* these for sale.

Me: *internal facepalm* yes sir they are all priced as marked.

Him: *Looks again* so I'm allowed to buy this?

 

DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW ECONOMY WORKS?!

I honestly think he was trying to annoy me cuz after I said yes he said oh ok and left

[DaReaper 1,943]

Decided to bring up my old topic cause mu customers keep getting more stupid.

Guy comes through drive thru and places his order then says "Um thats to go" i just couldnt say anything at this stupidity

[Sir Hugsalot 8,619]

I personally have no stories, at least yet as my "adventures" are just annoying, but my friend works in MediaMarkt ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Media_Markt ) and he has some pretty... interesting things to share....

 

Some "epic" questions he was asked

 

-Can I have Samsung iPod?

-"Three-road speakers" (I have no idea what is it, so don't ask  )

-(next to mp3 players) Excuse me! Where are MP3 players?

-Excuse me, I am looking for a camera, that has at least 4 hectopascals

-Do You have televisions of high revelations?

-Television of new...regeneration

 

 

And list goes on... I can post more later if You want, he has A LOT of it 

[GenderIsAnIllusion 2,177]

When I worked McDonalds, I got a mcchicken thrown at me. I slashed his tires a week later, when I noticed him pulling up when I got off work.

[Treble Bolt 1,122]

I find it odd when working at a small town store (I am the only employee), we get customers asking for the weirdest things that no grocery store sells such as

"Do you guys sell 220 outlet kits? -Only at a farm/hardware store can you get those

"Do you guys sell lumber?" -Do we look like a lumber yard...you know from our brick and steel building?

"Do you guys have a car wash?" -Why in the world would we have a car wash when we are a grocery store and butcher shop!?!?

"Where is your gas pump?" -Did you see any out front, you know under a canopy and as obvious as possible?!?

 

The other question we get at least once a week is "Do you guys sell beer/tobacco?"

That's understandable, however, there are 5 signs, 3 outside in plain sight, that say in big black letters, WE DO NOT SELL TOBACCO OR ALCOHOL PRODUCTS.

People can be so daft....

[n00bert 18]

I work at a local Chicago fast food chain, Portillos. These are just a few of the conversations I have daily with customers.

 

Me: “Good afternoon, how can I help you today?”

Guest: “Can I get a beef?”

Me: “Sure, would you like sweet or hot peppers?”

Guest: “What?”

Me: “Would you like any sweet or hot peppers for your beef?”

Guest: “Yes.”

 

Me: “Thank you for choosing Portillo's, what would you like?”

Guest: “I'll just have a medium fry/drink.”

Me: “I'm sorry, we only have small and large fry/drink.”

Guest: “I want a MEDIUM!”

Me: “There is no medium; you have to go a little, or all the way.”

Guest: “ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..... small I guess.”

 

Me: “Hi, you had the whole chocolate cake; $20.70 please.”

Guest: Hands me a twenty and starts digging for change

Me: “I have a lot more money to collect, don't worry about the last few pennies."

Guest: “NO!!! I started looking, I know I have two more cents somewhere."

Me: Watching the rest of the store move, while I'm waiting for this customer; soon the food will be ready before anyone has paid.

Guest: “Sorry.” Pockets change, hands me a dollar.

 

Me: “Hello, $2.78 for a hot dog please.

Guest: Hands me $100 bill

Me: "Do you have anything smaller?"

Guest: “Nope.”

 

Me: “Hello, $2.78 for a hot dog please.

Guest: “Wow... Really?”

Me: “I'm sorry, I don't make the prices.”

Guest: “Well you should talk to your boss about it."

Pays anyway.

 

I don't want to get into the interactions that I had as a lifeguard.

Edited January 14, 2014 by n00bert

[Clover Heart 978]

I used to work in watch repair. A guy needed a spring bar. Spring bars are normally 2 or 3 bucks, extra thin are 5 or 6 bucks. This guy needed a thin one. I put it in and charged him for it. He wouldn't take "That'll be $5.95" for an answer. He kept trying to haggle me down. Our company has set prices. While it was an independently owned company, it was part of a chain department store, so it's common sense that you don't try to haggle the clerks. But I kept trying to convince him that the price was $5.95 and it was non-negotiable. When he finally realized that, he yelled at me "This is an outrage!!" Like, he didn't have to take the spring bar. I could've taken it out (which was what I ended up doing after a needless half hour of bickering.) What's the point in getting upset? It's 5 bucks. If you care about the watch, pay up. If you don't, leave. Not difficult.

 

Also, same job, I had a watch back that I had trouble getting back on. Let me explain something about watch backs: It's not always about the strength. In fact, most of the time, it's not. If you put more force on it, it's more likely to lock into place, but for the most part, it's about getting it in the right spot. My manager was a watch maker and had worked there 20 years. I'd worked there a year, if that much. We were on the same shift together, and when you work with someone else in that kind of job, you help each other out a lot. Could you take this customer? Can you replace this battery? Depending on what's needed. I replaced this guy's watch battery. I put the back on the counter and leaned on it to try and get it in place and it wouldn't go. I could have used the press and it would have gone on, but I figure rather than trying to size out the dies, I could just hand it to my manager, who was free and much more skilled than me. The guy whose battery I replaced made a rude remark about how I couldn't do it because I was a woman. While I was standing right there. I was pissed about it and shocked that he said it so blatantly. In front of me. And my manager (who is no feminist, mind you) defends me in saying that actually, it was kind of a tricky back to get back on. But the customer insisted that I was incompetent and too weak because I have a vag. >.> It's not like I'm carrying 500 pound car parts; I'm putting a little watch back on. What the fuck? This was years ago, but to this day, whenever I think about that, it really pisses me off.

[SasQ 1,355]

I was standing in a line to my school's canteen. Some guy before me performed the following conversation with the saleswoman:

 

Chump:  Do you have "Mars"? {a brand of biscuits}

Saleswoman:  Yes, we have.

Chump:  So I'd like "Snickers", please. {a different brand}

My mind:  o_O

 

The other day I saw the same chump and another dumb chat went on:

 

Chump:  Do you have french fries?

Saleswoman [apparently learned from her previous experiences with him]:  No, we haven't.

Chump:  So what is?

Saleswoman: Well, we have hot dogs, hamburgers, biscuits...

Chump:  No, no, no. I'm asking what is it that you don't have french fries?

Saleswoman: o_O

Me: o_O

 

Customers like that aren't even worth the effort. That's when you tell them to take their business elsewhere.

 

I wish it were that easy... :-/

I'd be very happy to hang a huge poster with people's mugshots on it, under a big red banner "These customers we don't serve". Once upon a time it was possible and legal. But since European Union came in and enforced their laws, it is forbidden. There's a law which enforces that if you have some commodity in your offer, you cannot refuse to sell it to someone who demands it, because this could be considered discriminating customers, and such customer can take you to the court. More strangely, the same law has been enforced when Soviet Union had control over my country. Looks like European Union is Soviet Union 2.0 ;-P  It's all full of socialism, bureaucracy and absurd laws. (Did you know that EU considers snails as fish? o.O Now you know :-P )

 

Me: “Hello, $2.78 for a hot dog please.

Guest: Hands me $100 bill

Me: "Do you have anything smaller?"

Guest: “Nope.”

 

Wow, man, you're shooting your own foot! Lucky you that they don't print smaller banknotes (smaller in size, that is), because I bet they'd give you a smaller $100 then :-D

 

That's understandable, however, there are 5 signs, 3 outside in plain sight, that say in big black letters, WE DO NOT SELL TOBACCO OR ALCOHOL PRODUCTS.

People can be so daft....

 

Reading is for eggheads ;-J Seems like the story from the "Idiocracy" movie is fulfilling upon our very eyes, here, at present; not in some distant future.

 

 

Don't get me wrong, I'm far from generalizing, but I see lots of people in U.S. are already good examples of it, though I guess it's not particular to U.S., since I see lots of dumb people in my country, too. TV zombies without brains. They already have troubles with reading anything longer than what fits into their cellphones' screens. Such people won't understand your bold banner. Looks like the only possible way of communication with them is using pictograms. Draw a bottle of wine and a cigarette and cross them over with a big red cross. I hope they'll understand at least that.

Edited January 14, 2014 by SasQ

[n00bert 18]

Wow, man, you're shooting your own foot! Lucky you that they don't print smaller banknotes (smaller in size, that is), because I bet they'd give you a smaller $100 then :-D

 

Unless the size of the bill matches the size of the order, I always ask. About half the time they give me their card instead. Though, sometimes it seems people come just to break their $50s and $100s.

[Clover Heart 978]

Wow, man, you're shooting your own foot! Lucky you that they don't print smaller banknotes (smaller in size, that is), because I bet they'd give you a smaller $100 then :-D

 

I wouldn't mind so much about receiving a $100 bill if we were making a lot of money that day. The problem comes with making change, at least at our counter it did. We'd only leave $50 in the register overnight, so if the first customer of the day comes in to get a $10 battery and tries to pay with a hundred, it kinda screws us over. We'd have to lock the door, put up a sign, go to the cash office and get more money whenever that would happen. And usually, it's the person paying with the hundy that acts all exasperated and put out. Bitch, you're the one who decided to show up with nothing but a hundred. You're not the one who has to do all this running around. And it's even worse if there are customers waiting behind them, because then they have to wait over these jerkwads too. Or what's just as bad is when we do have change for them, but then we don't have change for anyone else. So the inconsiderate person who decided to carry nothing but hundreds gets speedy service, and the average person carrying around reasonable denominations of money have to wait for us to get money. And that kinda makes us look bad. It's so annoying.

[n00bert 18]

I work outside most of the time. It is a fast paced drive-thru were change is often scarce.

 

Also, it becomes nervewracking when rain fuses the bills together.

[Powderpuff 390]

I worked at a small Toys' r Us inside a miserable underground mall/train station one holiday season, and if there wasn't anything for me to do the would have me play with a remote control car or something near the front of the store to draw people in. So many people thought I was there to babysit their little monsters. Spoiled little brats broke too many cars! 

 

I look younger than I am too, so I would also get people asking me if I was old enough to work there. It's like...nooo, I am not...and I completely lied about it when I applied for this job..but I will candidly tell you, oh random customer, that I am indeed too young to be working here!

Edited January 15, 2014 by Powderpuff

[~Sugar Sprinkles~ 637]

I work at this catering place where we do parties and a lot of things. Every Thursday and Sunday, I work Bingo. I work the cash register, take orders, and deliver their food. Its a rather easy job, besides when I work parties. God, I hate parties, but thankfully thats not everyday. 

 

Anyways, there is this guy who does work the bingo, but he is also a customer of mine. He orders and pays for it, so he's technically a customer. WELL, we have this Chicken Salad Croissant sandwich, which is very delicious. We were out of it and we even put a sign saying we were out. The guy who works Bingo is name is Leonard. Dont get me wrong, he is an okay guy, he's difficult to get along with, though I get along with him fine. You just have to know how to handle him. He usually orders the same thing and NEVER orders the chicken salad. So, he sees the sign and goes "No chicken salad, what?" and he started to complain a little. He is not a boss mind you. SO, my boss walks out to check up how I was doing and he started to complain a little to my boss. She just says "You wouldnt have ordered it anyways" Like...really Leonard?

 

There was also one day, same guy, Leonard, he orders a grilled pork tenderloin. Mind you, a lot of food has grease in it. As well as the tenderloin. He orders the tenderloin and says "no grease" Im just thinking "really? it has grease no matter what, there is no such thing as a grease-less tenderloin...like does he expect us to squeeze the grease out?"

 

There is this woman, everyone at Bingo calls "Grandma" because she always brings her Grandson with her and she's pretty Grandmotherly to everyone. SO, i was warned to be careful with her, because she can screw you over. Meaning, she was ordering, and I punched in the prices all right, and gave her the EXACT change back. Few minutes later, she comes back and tries to say I didnt do it right, when I dang well did. She was trying to get more money from me. Not sure if thats really a stupid thing she said, more like a stupid thing she did.

 

We also have this woman, we call "psycho" because she is OBVIOUSLY on some BAD drugs, has dark circles under her eyes, beer gut, a ratty, thin haired mullet (obviously going bald). She comes up to me and orders and gets her usual and her...mother? grandmother? whoever she is with's order. She just starts to randomly compliment, my nails...not painted or anything and then tries to rush me and then kept changing the subject to the most STUPID convos....like really psycho??

 

Thats basically it.

I worked at a small Toys' r Us inside a miserable underground mall/train station one holiday season, and if there wasn't anything for me to do the would have me play with a remote control car or something near the front of the store to draw people in. So many people thought I was there to babysit their little monsters. Spoiled little brats broke too many cars! 

 

I look younger than I am too, so I would also get people asking me if I was old enough to work there. It's like...nooo, I am not...and I completely lied about it when I applied for this job..but I will candidly tell you, oh random customer, that I am indeed too young to be working here!

 

Omgsh, people do the same to me. I work at a place where there is Bingo, and I am 19 years old and to work bingo, you HAVE to be 18 and older, hence of gambling people. People ask me if im old enough and im like "No.....not at all, not like you HAVE to be 18 and older and i LIED and the bosses were dumb enough to believe me for lying". 

[Celli 4,332]

I work at Walmart in Niagara Falls, so we get a lot of Canadians and foreign tourists that seem to barely know English. i push carts and this one time a Canadian who so obviously came across the bridge from Canada asked me "Do you know how to get to Canada from here?" I'm like, really? I give him directions and get on with my work. It's also really annoying and even disgusting when they load their empty shoe boxes from our mall into the carts when there are trash cans in in front of the store at every entrance. People even leave food and half drunk cups of Tm Hortons in them too.

[GeneralDirection 965]

Oh goody this thread is back again! :3

 

Here's an awesome one for ya. Most of our tills at RCSS have a sign above the monitor about the 'Deal of the Week', which runs Friday through Thursday. that we have to tell every customer about. One time, I had a guy come through my lane who asked me 'Is today Friday through Thursday?' Worst part was that he was dead serious about it. Thankfully, the customer begin behind him politely explained that 'Friday through Thursday is every day', because I honestly didn't know what to say to that. ._.

 

I also had some moron sitting on the scale at one of the self checkouts we have. I asked him to get off the scale, to which he replies 'What, am I too fat?' I wanted to tell him he was an idiot for sitting on a scale meant for food.

[n00bert 18]

'Is today Friday through Thursday?' Worst part was that he was dead serious about it.

 

  My sides, they are splitting!