romance Soaring Heart

[poke_pony 1]

Soaring beauty.

 

After a long day, Dinky Doo was walking home from her personal teacher, Twilight Sparkle's home, the old tree library. On her way home she saw a sight to behold, it was Scootaloo flying. She had never seen the light brilliant gamboge Pegasus fly before.

"Wow! You're doing a great job!"

She exclaimed to the gracefully flying Pegasus which landed and looked at her with a smile

"Hey Dinky! Thanks, Rainbow did a great job teaching me how."

"She sure did! How long have you been able to fly?"

"About a month, I can't believe how much progress I made! And it's all because of Rainbow Dash!"

"You fly so gracefully! I'm surprised you do considering Rainbow was teaching you."

The moderate cerise maned Pegasus nodded at the pale, light grayish violate unicorn

"Yeah, I've been focussing less on speed and more on maneuverability, I guess the gracefulness came with."

"Sometimes I wish I were a Pegasus, but then I couldn't do this!"

Dinky used her magic to levitate a flower up to Scootaloo.

"This is for a job well done!"

Scootaloo takes the flower and tucks it under her wing

"Thanks Dinky! You really are getting better at magic! Do you know any other tricks?"

"No, that's my only trick. Sorry"

The unicorn's ears flatten against her head

"Oh no Dinky, it's quite alright, you don't have to be sorry. Who is your teacher anyway? If you have one that is"

Her ears perked up

"It's princess Twilight! She is a great teacher!"

"Wow, I didn't know you were getting lessons from Twilight, I guess we're both lucky to have the best of the best teach us!"

"Yeah! Well I gotta go home... See you tomorrow?"

"See ya Dinks"

The light brilliant gamboge Pegasus took to the skies with grace as the light, grayish violate unicorn watched in awe

"Wow..."

She said to herself than she shook her head and snapped back into reality as she starts to trot home once again

Authors note: hey guys this is chapter one of a new fanfic I'm making and I'd like to know if I'm doing a good job or not.

And I'm also taking requests for shipping two characters together so if you want to the two characters be together than please contact me and I'll do the best I can. Stay awesome everypony!

[LittleRawr 679]

It's okay, but you use too much dialogue. Try to add more descriptions. 

 

And, you don't really need to tell us exactly what colors the ponies are. It's a bit jarring. 

[poke_pony 1]

I know I don't NEED to but I do because I can.

Anyway, thanks for the feedback l, it helps allot.

I know I do need to work on my fanfic writing skills so the feedback will help so if you would read chapter two when it comes out I'd really appreciate reading more of what I need to work on.

Edited October 19, 2013 by poke_pony

[DarkDarsi 124]

When first describing Dinky you say 'violate' I think you'll find the word you want is violet.

Good job by the way, but you should (more whining from me I know) seperate your authors notes from the story.

Edited October 22, 2013 by DarkDarsi