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Paper Towels Police


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One day Twilight and I would be at a local Ponyville café eating an adequate lunch, and we'd be discussing the most random events when paper towels would take the spotlight topic-wise. I would mention I use bounty, and she would laugh claiming that her pony-brands are better than human ones. Derpy would rampage all over the town because she couldn't have her muffin, which would attract the cops. Both of our eyes would be averted to the raging derpy. We would then laugh over the fact that we were arguing about paper towels, and then I'd make some quick remark on how my brand is superior. This would cause Twilight to advert her attention away from the rampaging pegasi to give me some long-scientific spiel as to why hers is most definitely the better brand. This would cause my mouth to drop, as I am now aware that I have lost this battle. Her response to her own victory would be the following

 

twilight_sparkle_meme_by_lisa44083-d5535

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Twilight would probably win, because she probably scientifically analyzes the brands of paper towels and test her hypothesis on which paper towel brand is the best. I would be left speechless and defeated.

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Me: How are we going to determine which paper towel is best?

Twilight: Simple! We'll do a strength test. I've recruited Pinkie Pie to help.

Pinkie Pie: HELLO!

Me: Okay. How do we start?

Twilight: We've got your brand of towel hanging here, and mine is here. They're both equal distance away from Pinkie Pie's party cannon. Pinkie will fire her cannon at them, and we'll see which one is stronger.

Pinkie Pie: Oooh, his towels have pretty flowers on them! [raises my arm] WINNER!

Twilight: No, Pinkie, we've got to test whether -

Pinkie Pie: Wait!! What are those little dots?! With the spaces?!

Me: Those are called perforations. They make the towels easier to separate from one another.

Pinkie Pie: WOW! SO COOL! WINNER!

Twilight: But my towels have dots, too!

Pinkie Pie: Twilight, it's dots AAAAAND flowers! [hugs the towel] It's convenience and pretty-smelling living things all at once!

Twilight: [evil grin] Pinkie, look at these dots - they go right through one of the flowers... [tears them]

Pinkie Pie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Me: Really? Was that necessary?

Twilight: [smile] I win!

Pinkie Pie: [closed eyes, legs on head] Monster!

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