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Happy being single?


Discolt

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  • 2 months later...

I could be worse. I was just talking with my mother about this, actually. Because she has been single for more than thirty years. And I was trying to understand the reason, since she wouldn't give me a straight answer. I know she is traumatized, by the way.

Also, she is more vulnerable because of the endocrine problem in our family. Which made her a magnet for abusive people back in school, and then my own father. Because people with hypogonadism often fail to read social cues, or are over-trusting, leading to victimization. So, I believe she is afraid of getting another person like my father. An abusive man who lies and manipulates to get personal. And gets violent when he cannot.

There is also the self-hatred, impotence, depression and chronic fatigue she is dealing with. Which is familiar to me.

And after reading more about how common abuse seems to be in relationships, and the kind of violence some people are willing to commit against each other. I am paralized. Much like her.

It is similar with this woman I saw the other day, with her child falling behind like it didn't exist to her. And she had this thousand yard stare in her eyes. That was abuse.

And I think my mother realized this with my father, and she is unwilling to face reality anymore. She has abandoned herself in a way.

But that is more or less the reason I am single, without getting into the genetic issues, self-esteem, etc. So, for people who are already suffering from a debilitating condition... and considering she didn't answer to the question. I think we have both arrived at the answer.

Edited by They call me Loyalty
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I've been single for almost a year now, and I must say I have not been happier. :mlp_icwudt:  I have been focusing on my career and it has been taking me to new heights, and I've been fully enjoying my freedom. I do sometimes get the feeling of being a little lonely but that's when I call up my friends and hit the town or a backroad. I've realized I don't need another person to make me happy. All I need is myself. :BrightMacContent: I love my truck more than I'd ever love a partner anyway. 

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Everything is done on your own time, you arent accountable for someone else's sensibilities or insecurities, you have independent obligations and you don't have inherent ones based on keeping another individual secure and satisfied, there's more pluses to being single for a lot of reasons, but ultimately there are some of us that are very serious about finding the RIGHT relationship, I can do solitude very well, so 3/4 of you not reacting to my posts or talking to me doesn't really bother me, I know you stalk me anyways... But there have been entire YEARS, of me literally only being in contact with family and sometimes this was only every few months... 

You don't get in relationships because you're "lonely" or because "everyone else is with someone and your not" or simply because you're attracted to someone and they are nearby. You take extensive efforts to learn who someone is, you invest a lot of time building trust, forming what actually constitutes as a relationship and getting more serious about it as time progresses... Yes if there is a connection between two people it's difficult to reject it and there will be some unspoken tension to it... But you have to be patient and learn about who this person you are into truthfully is before you make the mistake of investing in someone's circumstantial feelings that were part of a series of moments, and not their true character as a whole...  

You have to want to know more about someone, you have to want to see them happy, think about what you can do to accomplish this, not just think about how they aren't doing right for you, or what they do right for you, or why you love them, you ALSO have to think and consider the reasons why THEY love you, and never do anything to jeopardize that, because they hold that and you sacred and you want them to for as long as time allows if it is true love...

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Alot of people seems to be getting it wrong about marriage and being single is... Of course if you married the wrong person its gonna suck hence the word "wrong".

And being single can be bad too...

For example when you hit 30 or 40 and you're alone....  Oh boy(girl, them)....will it hit you like a truck. Plus the reason why people is having a bad view point about marriege is they're looking at the wrong people for advice.... If you want a good successful marriage then find a couple who has a good marriage... Not to the ones who got a divorce or a ruined life. Of course they're gonna give you their bad experience.

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On 2022-12-19 at 12:02 AM, Lucky Bells said:

I've been single for almost a year now, and I must say I have not been happier. :mlp_icwudt:  I have been focusing on my career and it has been taking me to new heights, and I've been fully enjoying my freedom. I do sometimes get the feeling of being a little lonely but that's when I call up my friends and hit the town or a backroad. I've realized I don't need another person to make me happy. All I need is myself. :BrightMacContent: I love my truck more than I'd ever love a partner anyway. 

I think this is a very liberating feeling. Congrats on discovering it <3 Focusing on the career is a thrill in and of itself! <3 

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3 minutes ago, Kujamih said:

Alot of people seems to be getting it wrong about marriage and being single is... Of course if you married the wrong person its gonna suck hence the word "wrong".

And being single can be bad too...

For example when you hit 30 or 40 and you're alone....  Oh boy(girl, them)....will it hit you like a truck. Plus the reason why people is having a bad view point about marriege is they're looking at the wrong people for advice.... If you want a good successful marriage then find a couple who has a good marriage... Not to the ones who got a divorce or a ruined life. Of course they're gonna give you their bad experience.

I've actually seen this a lot and it's so... disturbing. I've seen people focus on toxic relationships and then feel wise that they avoid it altogether. Your advice is priceless <3 

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8 minutes ago, Princess Silky said:

I've actually seen this a lot and it's so... disturbing. I've seen people focus on toxic relationships and then feel wise that they avoid it altogether. Your advice is priceless <3 

Its usually the environment as well though...

If the place has a lot of negativity you'll also get infected by it.

. Hence surround yourself with broken families and bad relationships you will only absorb those.... Thats why i stick to my people like @Princess Silky :oh_golly:...

Shes crazy:ButtercupLaugh: sticking to the crazy ones cuz they're fun to be with! Eyooo!

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