Jump to content
Banner by ~ Ice Princess Silky

Cancelled.


Cerise Hood

Recommended Posts

This has been cancelled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sorry. :(

Edited by EpicHarmony
  • Brohoof 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

what the hay? I mean its an awesome story so far but by the warning I thought u ment a few things like a character dying. but this is just grody

*cough**cough*

"The floor was covered in something sticky and red. I screamed when I realized what is was."

"My crown was tossed and landed right next to Candence's as I was stabbed in the chest."

 

Oh, and there's more to come.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*cough**cough*

"The floor was covered in something sticky and red. I screamed when I realized what is was."

"My crown was tossed and landed right next to Candence's as I was stabbed in the chest."

 

Oh, and there's more to come.

I meant dying in like a less disturbing way

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@,

 

Alright, you've succeeded in giving me two paragraphs from a point of view that you now can't use, and you have made no excuses whatsoever. You basically just said, "Welp, I killed the princesses. Whoopie!"

 

If your goal is a kill-everything and everyone gore fic, you are on the right track. If not... try again.

 

You need more... substance. What was the motivation of the killing? Shouldn't there be a bit more from Twilie's POV before she's killed? Shouldn't some foreshadowing be done? And how was she stabbed in the chest without her seeing the killer? A better way, if you want to ensure fatality without revealing the killer, the blade should enter through the back or a decapitation (separation of head from body).

 

So, nice idea, but it needs work- a lot of it, too.

  • Brohoof 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@,

 

Alright, you've succeeded in giving me two paragraphs from a point of view that you now can't use, and you have made no excuses whatsoever. You basically just said, "Welp, I killed the princesses. Whoopie!"

 

If your goal is a kill-everything and everyone gore fic, you are on the right track. If not... try again.

 

You need more... substance. What was the motivation of the killing? Shouldn't there be a bit more from Twilie's POV before she's killed? Shouldn't some foreshadowing be done? And how was she stabbed in the chest without her seeing the killer? A better way, if you want to ensure fatality without revealing the killer, the blade should enter through the back or a decapitation (separation of head from body).

 

So, nice idea, but it needs work- a lot of it, too.

I think that since the fic is going to be based off the RP the characters are going to have to figure out who killed the princesses. And about the stabbed in the chest thing;, the assailant could have used a spell to make them invisible thus twi unable to see them. But thats just my opinion and you could be right. Oh well thats for the writer to decide. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think that since the fic is going to be based off the RP the characters are going to have to figure out who killed the princesses. And about the stabbed in the chest thing;, the assailant could have used a spell to make them invisible thus twi unable to see them. But thats just my opinion and you could be right. Oh well thats for the writer to decide. 

 

Invisiblity is a cop-out. Just sayin'.

  • Brohoof 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The story was well... good. The complaint I have was the lack of detail. I'm not sure, but were you trying to build up a mysterious atmosphere? It seems like there was suppose to be one....

Also there is a error:

"The moment I arrived i the room..." You should fix that. :P

Edited by Demirari
Link to comment
Share on other sites

The story was well... good. The complaint I have was the lack of detail. I'm not sure, but were you trying to build up a mysterious atmosphere? It seems like there was suppose to be one....

 

This part wasn't supposed to have a lot of detail. Twilight's part is just a quick sum-up, and the shortest chapter.

My goals were:

1) Cover the Princesses' death

2) introduce the villain

And yes, I the villain is supposed to be mysterious, it helps keep readers.

 

Also there is a error:

"The moment I arrived i the room..." You should fix that. :P

I, uh, don't see the error.:(

I don't think it was that disturbing... a part of a fanfic I wrote(which isn't all that good) is more disturbing.... Seems good so far thoughimg-2005302-1-happy.png

I'm glad. There will be more chapters(they'll be posted here), which could be a bit more disturbing. Edited by EpicHarmony
Link to comment
Share on other sites

@,

 

Alright, you've succeeded in giving me two paragraphs from a point of view that you now can't use, and you have made no excuses whatsoever. You basically just said, "Welp, I killed the princesses. Whoopie!"

 

If your goal is a kill-everything and everyone gore fic, you are on the right track. If not... try again.

 

You need more... substance. What was the motivation of the killing? Shouldn't there be a bit more from Twilie's POV before she's killed? Shouldn't some foreshadowing be done? And how was she stabbed in the chest without her seeing the killer? A better way, if you want to ensure fatality without revealing the killer, the blade should enter through the back or a decapitation (separation of head from body).

 

So, nice idea, but it needs work- a lot of it, too.

Lots of your questions will be answered in the next chapters.

(By the way, there are these cool things called arms. They can stretch around a body.)

The villain is partially made of smoke.

"You basically just said, "Welp, I killed the princesses. Whoopie!""

 

Yeah... That's pretty much a sum up of this chapter...

Edited by EpicHarmony
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for correcting that mistake; that mistake made my head go lolol off into somewhere god knows where.

However, I am not sure if the correct saying should be: in, into, or to.

Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter! :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for correcting that mistake; that mistake made my head go lolol off into somewhere god knows where.

However, I am not sure if the correct saying should be: in, into, or to.

Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter! :D

I am a grammar freak, so usually there won't be any mistake unless I missed them.

 

I am working on the next chapter, it should be up tomorrow on THIS THREAD(!!!!).

 

 

The next chapter will be from Applejack's POV.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

what the hay? I mean its an awesome story so far but by the warning I thought u ment a few things like a character dying. but this is just grody

i take it all back, its an awesome story, and its inspired me to write this,

http://mlpforums.com/topic/78403-the-cutie-mark-crusaders-the-cutie-mark-warriors/

the prologue isn't that goury but the rest of the story is.or will be i mean.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

lol thx and the first half of what you said I had no idea what u said.

Wasn't supposed to make sense. Just something I slapped something together to reach the 100 words minimum.

 

Also I though this story was suppose to update today?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

His, he did say today, didn't he? Or Epicharmony is lying to us!

"He" is not lying to you, because the writer is a "she".

 

Also, stuff happens(Like An Unusually Busy Friday And Saturday. Gah, I'm not used to having this much stuff happen on the weekends.).

 

I'll finish writing when I finish this one task. I'll notify you when I post it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Join the herd!

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...