The Confidence Thread

[~Master~ Button Mash 2,307]

I've been thinking for a while, and given my own issues with it - as well as the issues many on here seem to have - I think it's time we finally made a thread about improving self confidence. I've seen it on a few other forums and they seem to help. I mean it can't hurt, can it?

 

So in here lets discuss ways that we can improve our self esteem and confidence, and help support each other on our journey of improvement.

 

So I guess I'll start with my story:

 

I've always struggled with self confidence issues. I still do, but I'm really pushing myself to improve my esteem. For me at least, what I find helps is just putting yourself out there, in whatever way you are comfortable, as long as it's a social setting. My choice was raves, and I have to say it helped me so much in the short time I've been a raver. People are so nice and accepting, they don't judge how you dance (one of the cornerstones of self confidence is being able to dance like a fool and not care who sees ), and they really care about your happiness. It's a great, caring environment for me to break out of my shell (at least in my experience).

 

So what about you guys? What ways do you think your self confidence is lacking, and how do you think you can improve them?

 

Good luck and great health!

[Champion RD92 8,654]

Confidence??? What is that???? Oh, you mean that one thing that I will never have??? Oh, that thing. 

 

I really have like no confidence. I assume girls have no interest in me, therefore I don't talk to them. Therefore, I am forever alone. It kinda sucks.

 

The thing is, I could probably meet girls if I just wasn't so afraid to talk to them. But, girls like confidence, and I don't have any confidence, so I'm kinda screwed...

Edited November 19, 2013 by Champion RD92

[HoopHoof 137]

My problem is that I'm TOO confident   I'm always that guy who wants to party and dance terribly (I still can't twerk). I'm so loud and obnoxious and I make really inappropriate jokes  I love giving speeches and debating on stage and if my school ever had musicals or plays then I'd join in a heart beat.

 

I guess my only issue is meeting new people or PMing people  . I have no idea why I freak out when I try that, but when it comes to people I meet face to face then I'm quite alright 

[~Master~ Button Mash 2,307]

Confidence??? What is that???? Oh, you mean that one thing that I will never have??? Oh, that thing. 

 

I really have like no confidence. I assume girls have no interest in me, therefore I don't talk to them. Therefore, I am forever alone. It kinda sucks.

 

The thing is, I could probably meet girls if I just wasn't so afraid to talk to them. But, girls like confidence, and I don't have any confidence, so I'm kinda screwed...

You just gotta try. That's my problem, too. I immediately write off a girl's (or boy's) interest in me, even when it's painfully obvious that they like me. And I freak out if I'm in a situation where things might escalate with them, and subconsciously seek to decrease the sexual tension, while at the same time unintentionally ruining my chances with them.

 

Honestly what you need to do is start creating some positive feedback loops. Put yourself (as hard as it is, JUST DO IT) in situations where you have to socialize with girls. Start working toward positive outcomes. The more positive outcomes, the more motivated you will be to have more interactions, leading to more positive outcomes, etc. 

 

My problem is that I'm TOO confident   I'm always that guy who wants to party and dance terribly (I still can't twerk). I'm so loud and obnoxious and I make really inappropriate jokes  I love giving speeches and debating on stage and if my school ever had musicals or plays then I'd join in a heart beat.

 

That used to be me (to a DEGREE). I used to be a bit more open than I became for a while. Then I had a breakdown, and while it led to me losing a lot of weight and getting in shape, it also led to me losing the confidence I DID have. Now I'm trying to get it back. Long road ahead.

[Champion RD92 8,654]

You just gotta try. That's my problem, too. I immediately write off a girl's (or boy's) interest in me, even when it's painfully obvious that they like me. And I freak out if I'm in a situation where things might escalate with them, and subconsciously seek to decrease the sexual tension, while at the same time unintentionally ruining my chances with them.

 

Honestly what you need to do is start creating some positive feedback loops. Put yourself (as hard as it is, JUST DO IT) in situations where you have to socialize with girls. Start working toward positive outcomes. The more positive outcomes, the more motivated you will be to have more interactions, leading to more positive outcomes, etc. 

 

 

Well, the thing is, I have never seen a girl show interest in me, and even if I did, I would probably be way too nervous and scared to even ask her out or anything...I wouldn't even know what to say :/

[HoopHoof 137]

You just gotta try. That's my problem, too. I immediately write off a girl's (or boy's) interest in me, even when it's painfully obvious that they like me. And I freak out if I'm in a situation where things might escalate with them, and subconsciously seek to decrease the sexual tension, while at the same time unintentionally ruining my chances with them.

 

Honestly what you need to do is start creating some positive feedback loops. Put yourself (as hard as it is, JUST DO IT) in situations where you have to socialize with girls. Start working toward positive outcomes. The more positive outcomes, the more motivated you will be to have more interactions, leading to more positive outcomes, etc. 

 

That used to be me (to a DEGREE). I used to be a bit more open than I became for a while. Then I had a breakdown, and while it led to me losing a lot of weight and getting in shape, it also led to me losing the confidence I DID have. Now I'm trying to get it back. Long road ahead.

I just go with the flow and stay chill. Thinking about what people think of me just makes me roll my eyes. 

 

I love how you said "to a DEGREE" like I'm embarrassing or something   

Well, the thing is, I have never seen a girl show interest in me, and even if I did, I would probably be way too nervous and scared to even ask her out or anything...I wouldn't even know what to say :/

Just relax and go with the flow. Don't be all wound up about girls and all that jazz. You just have to say how you feel and not rush things. If she says no or rejects you then you just have to move on, no matter how hard it may be. Stay strong buddy.

Edited November 19, 2013 by HoopHoof

[Champion RD92 8,654]

If she says no or rejects you then you just have to move on, no matter how hard it may be. Stay strong buddy

 

But if I finally get the courage to ask a girl out, and she rejects me, that would just be horrible...my confidence would be even lower than it already is, if that's even possible...

[HoopHoof 137]

But if I finally get the courage to ask a girl out, and she rejects me, that would just be horrible...my confidence would be even lower than it already is, if that's even possible...

You have to find that inner strength in you man!! (Or whatever sounds less lame  ) You need to be proud about yourself and be strong. Don't see things as problems but as challenges. I use to be just like that man. I was afraid of of being single and afraid of girls, but eventually I just stopped caring and just went with the flow. 

 

If she said yes then hooray for me and if she said no then that's ok, I don't want to force her. Being rejected is not the end of the world unless you turn it into something that's the equivalent of the world ending xD

Edited November 19, 2013 by HoopHoof

[Heatwave 177]

Too be honest, MLP helped out with my self confidence a lot. I'm still socially awkward, but I've broken the barrier a few times, and told people of my interest in MLP, even once to my entire english class when it fit in with the discussion. Still need to work on the girls part. I did ask one on a date once, and the question got ignored. THAT did NOT help. At least you coulda said no...  ._.

Anyways, it's a work in progress for me.

[Felix 1,363]

But if I finally get the courage to ask a girl out, and she rejects me, that would just be horrible...my confidence would be even lower than it already is, if that's even possible...

Champ, listen. I've looked a lot on the forums. Everyone likes you, most simply put. They appreciate you and acknowledge you're in their life and are happy about it. If someone rejects you...I don't think they saw you for the great person you are. That, or they're those bratty ones that prefer the big tough guy jerks. But seriously, your personality is one to hold on to and appreciate. Many could agree that you show true friendship really well. I agree. As hard as it may be, if we all know how great of a guy you are, then that should at least hint to you that if you ask someone out you have a really good shot with them, especially if you're close friends. Heck, I've been around girls that like me more when I mess up around them because it's so idiotically obvious I have a thing for them. Don't be afraid! Show yourself for who you really are!

[Guest]

I am confident about 95% of the time. Partially due to modeling, dance competitions, and theater for 4 years. I'm not afraid of what people think of me, for the most part. And in the end, I remember not EVERYONE is gonna like you. And those people don't matter because I know I'm a great friend when given the chance.

[Champion RD92 8,654]

Champ, listen. I've looked a lot on the forums. Everyone likes you, most simply put. They appreciate you and acknowledge you're in their life and are happy about it. If someone rejects you...I don't think they saw you for the great person you are. That, or they're those bratty ones that prefer the big tough guy jerks. But seriously, your personality is one to hold on to and appreciate. Many could agree that you show true friendship really well. I agree. As hard as it may be, if we all know how great of a guy you are, then that should at least hint to you that if you ask someone out you have a really good shot with them, especially if you're close friends. Heck, I've been around girls that like me more when I mess up around them because it's so idiotically obvious I have a thing for them. Don't be afraid! Show yourself for who you really are!

 

The thing is, it's so much easier for me to show my personality and be myself on this site than it is in real life. I'm not comfortable being outgoing with people unless I know them well :/

[HoopHoof 137]

I guess the ultimate test of confidence is being naked in front of a crowd sober. 

[Felix 1,363]

The thing is, it's so much easier for me to show my personality and be myself on this site than it is in real life. I'm not comfortable being outgoing with people unless I know them well :/

That's okay. It's one thing to take a risk, but starting out small is always good too. You don't want to freak yourself out. No of course not! I think step 1, if you'd prefer it, is simply waiting until you find yourself close with a girl that you like. Close friend wise. Heck, nobody says you need to find a girl NOW. They're out there. Sometimes waiting can be fine, even. Though for many it'd make them anxious, so I wouldn't make it your top priority, but in the past simply waiting to find yourself in that perfect situation where asking a girl would be even more meaningful to them is a warming feeling. There's many ways of finding what you're looking for. Just choose your path. Whatever is comfortable, but without exception for not doing anything at all.

Edited November 19, 2013 by FeIix

[SasQ 1,355]

 Confidence??? What is that???? Oh, you mean that one thing that I will never have??? Oh, that thing.

 

I really have like no confidence.

 

Are you sure about that? ;->

 

Once upon a time, a woman came to the world-famous NLP trainer, Richard Bandler, and she told him she lacks of confidence. He asked her the very same thing: "Are you sure about that?". She replied: "Yes, I'm pretty much sure." Then he said: "Well, I don't believe you. Are you pretty sure, or sure?" She replied, this time more irritated: "Yes, I'm sure!" And he said: "Well, then look at yourself: you're confident now." :-) And she walked off enlightened ;-)

 

No one is 100% confident all the time. But everyone has these moments where he/she's 100% confident about something. Usually the thing one is sure it's true. The thing one knows very well; has some expertise on it; some experience. Find these moments in your life and immerse yourself into this feeling as deeply as you can. Be soaked with it. Then keep this feeling when moving to some different situation where you lack confidence.

 

Lack of confidence can be caused by lack of experience. So if you're not confident enough in some situation, try to gather more experience about it. With girls, that means you have to start hanging out with them and talk with them  Not every girl has to be your "number one". You can have several girl friends. Speaking of...

 

I assume girls have no interest in me, therefore I don't talk to them.

 

Hmm... sounds like reverse logic to me. How could they have interest in you if you don't talk to them? This makes them don't know why should they have interest in you in the first place.

 

The thing is, I could probably meet girls if I just wasn't so afraid to talk to them.

 

What makes you so afraid? What is the Worst Possible Thing^TM that could happen?

 

But if I finally get the courage to ask a girl out, and she rejects me, that would just be horrible...

 

Why? Why do you care so much? Guess what: not every person will like you. There will be lots of people disliking you. Especially when you're successful  And you need to learn not giving a flying, Pegasine, helium-soaked phuk ;-) Lerarn from Derpy ;-)

http://rex42.deviantart.com/art/Derpy-giving-all-the-fucks-colored-320128475

or from this guy:

http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/fs-i-give-biden.jpg

:-)

Edit: OK, one more motivational vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wS5xOZ7Rq8 :-)

 

my confidence would be even lower than it already is, if that's even possible...

 

Only if you depend your confidence on external sources instead of internal ones. But this is not how confidence works. Confidence comes from your inside, and spreads out.

 

But, girls like confidence, and I don't have any confidence, so I'm kinda screwed...

 

Confidence is not always what people think it is. You don't have to say anything or do anything to look confident. It's the way you stand (the pose of your body), your "energy" you radiate out, your way of looking (eyes are the mirror of the soul, you know). It's similar to why kung-fu masters look like impossible to attack even before they do any move. You just look at them and know they're masters, because of the way they look. That's because they're self-confident. They know their skills very well and they're sure about that.

What's more important is that it's all about appearances. They don't really have to be so good. It's enough if they look that way.

 

So if you are willing to try some acting skills, you can try to mimic some self-confident actors, like James Bond for example, and try to behave like them. Observe you in a mirror and see how your appearance changes.

 

It's interesting to note, that often changing your body posture starts a chain reaction and you become to feel more confident as a result of looking confident.

Edited November 19, 2013 by SasQ

[Sugar Pea 2,681]

Yes, thank you Kyoshi!

A thread that isn't based around negativity is a good thing to have on the forums, especially with a the negative nancies on here. I know a pinch full can't control it, but some people do it to gain sympathy. 

[Fluttershyfan94 5,738]

I have rather lousy self confidence, it has gotten better though. Would even say it has gotten a lot better, sometimes we just need to be reminded of our qualities.

 

The best way to gain self confidence is by exercising, build some muscle or at least loose weight. This reminds me that I should do that.

I know weightlifting helps, since I've been both considered muscular and skinny.. Now I feel like a skeleton. I need to start lifting again.

 

I'm not sure how people do it otherwise, there are plenty of other ways to do it. But exercising, getting yourself into shape is probably a good way to do it. I never lift though, so my self confidence is still rather low but I know what I have to do I just don't feel like doing it.

Edited November 19, 2013 by Fluttershyfan94

[Erza 581]

Whenever I have great task or I have to prepare for great event (Like my final exams)
I ALWAYS tend to be confident, try to do my best and not to worry at all.
I believe that being anxious and worried doesn't do anything but increasing my chance to fail at anything.
I just try to remain confident of myself as much as possible.

[~Master~ Button Mash 2,307]

Yes, thank you Kyoshi!

 

A thread that isn't based around negativity is a good thing to have on the forums, especially with a the negative nancies on here. I know a pinch full can't control it, but some people do it to gain sympathy. 

 

I'm not Kyoshi. I'm AtomicBassCannon  I just share his love of Button Mash. xD

 

I have rather lousy self confidence, it has gotten better though. Would even say it has gotten a lot better, sometimes we just need to be reminded of our qualities.

 

The best way to gain self confidence is by exercising, build some muscle or at least loose weight. This reminds me that I should do that.

I know weightlifting helps, since I've been both considered muscular and skinny.. Now I feel like a skeleton. I need to start lifting again.

 

I'm not sure how people do it otherwise, there are plenty of other ways to do it. But exercising, getting yourself into shape is probably a good way to do it. I never lift though, so my self confidence is still rather low but I know what I have to do I just don't feel like doing it.

Very true. Exercise is indeed great for confidence. Being active makes you realize the potential you have in your body = more positive feedback loops. Part of why I think athletes tend to be more confident - they realize their true potential. People need to get active and discover their own potential. I know I feel better after I bench a plate.

 

In fact, expanding your skill set in ANY way is probably good for confidence. Sports, art, music making, etc. Hell, even I feel better when I improve my gloving skills.

 

Confidence is highly linked to your skill sets, IMO.

Edited November 19, 2013 by ~Master~ Button Mash

[MelancholicMemory 2,022]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xpv5hQAhtX8

 

^What John said

 

I guess the ultimate test of confidence is being naked in front of a crowd sober. 

Eww, sober.

[Antismurf9001 1,271]

@@Champion RD92,

 

Are we clones of each other?  Because I'm pretty sure that we're clones of each other.  Everything that you said is frighteningly similar to what I would say.

 

In terms of everyday confidence, I guess I would classify myself as kind of somewhat confident-ish.  I say this because I'm usually confident that I know what I'm doing, assuming that I've done it successfully many times before (if I haven't then I have absolutely no confidence).  The thing is, I can never really see myself as any more than "exceptionally average" at any given activity because I know that there are a number of people that can do it much better than I can.  That leads me to think that Im not really good at anything, or at least not remarkable enough to gain/deserve notice and it takes away from my confidence to even do it at all.  It's difficult, and probably stupid, but I can't really get past it no matter what people say to me...

[Silver Letter 1,830]

I think I do have confidence but not in the same way as others do. For some reason it does exist and I can use it to speak to people but I am under no confusion that it would make a difference. Whenever I have too much confidence, I am shown the reason why it should not be so and it goes away. But like being wounded in Call of Duty, I retreat to secluded and shadowy places while confidence rebuilds and regenerates and the damage is cemented over. So there is that rhythmic pattern of confidence and desolation.

[MelancholicMemory 2,022]

 

 

Very true. Exercise is indeed great for confidence. Being active makes you realize the potential you have in your body = more positive feedback loops. Part of why I think athletes tend to be more confident - they realize their true potential. People need to get active and discover their own potential. I know I feel better after I bench a plate. biggrin.png In fact, expanding your skill set in ANY way is probably good for confidence. Sports, art, music making, etc. Hell, even I feel better when I improve my gloving skills. Confidence is highly linked to your skill sets, IMO.

In my experience, this isn't the case. Sometimes, expanding my skill set makes me feel worse.

[~Master~ Button Mash 2,307]

In my experience, this isn't the case. Sometimes, expanding my skill set makes me feel worse.

Why is that, I might ask? I've always imagined being able to say "Yeah, I can do that" would be something that would make people more confident in their own abilities.

Edited November 19, 2013 by ~Master~ Button Mash

[MelancholicMemory 2,022]

Why is that, I might ask? I've always imagined being able to say "Yeah, I can do that" would be something that would make people more confident in their own abilities.

I'll use an example. Last June I was very much into art. I was trying desperately to improve my work and get better so I could become at least somewhat successful as an artist. The whole time I was stressed out by my inadequacy. Now that I've given up, I feel better about myself