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A pony fanfic. I'm not sure what this is...


Night Shine

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(edited)

Hello. This is the first thing I have written in several months (I stopped writing because after my depression struck, I could no longer use writing as a form of emotional catharsis), and...I have no clue what it is. It's a pony fanfiction of sorts, but...well, see for yourselves. Tell me if you like it, or find it interesting for whatever reason:

"Silent Whisper, Chapter 1: Void

“No, sir, I don’t quite think you understand.”

“And why is that, sir?” The voice gave an inaudible snort.

He took a deep breath, feeling the fires of pure rage flow through his veins, burning his skin, flowing with every pump of his heart, from the tips of his hooves back into the core of his body. “Because you do not care to understand.”

“Well, of course I do not care to understand. By nature I am apathetic…but you don’t care about that, now do you?”

“No.”

“In that case, I suppose that we are even.”

Picturing the creature’s smug grin, his eyes folded into a glare. “Touché. Now, where were we?”

“Oh, now you are trying to be practical? That’s a nice relief.”

Whisper blinked once, gazing into the void of black. “Stop dodging the subject. What should we do?”

“Well, first of all, stop being pathetic and stand on your own hooves, you idiot. You are not going to get anywhere by sitting here and pointlessly arguing with me.”

With a nod of grudging acknowledgement, Whisper rose to his hooves, stretching out as he stood up. An ache pinched the back of his coat as he removed it from the freezing stone wall. Hesitantly, he picked up one hoof and stepped forward, only to wince as several pebbles dropped out from under his hoof and echoed back at him a moment later, filling the silence.

“That way obviously won’t work. Maybe you should turn around and go the other way…”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious. If I need any of your snarky comments, I will ask for them.” Whisper winced as the venomous words passed over his tongue.

“Oh, but that ruins the fun!”

Whisper glared at the nothingness as he turned around, tiptoeing on the dusty stone. His muzzle twitched once.

“Please don’t tell me you are going to sneeze.”

Whisper suppressed the urge to punch a wall, but let the silence hang instead of giving the creature another response. A cloud of dust brushed against his coat, but he continued onward.

“Where are you going, anyway?”

“We’re trying to find a way out," Whisper replied with an even tone. "Before the cave-in, I made sure that we would have an escape route…now all we have to do is find it.”

“Unless it collapsed…”

A cold shiver ran down Whisper’s back, followed by a few shards of rock. “What was that?”

“What do you think, you idiot?”

Whisper’s eyelids closed for a short moment, and he paused, taking several calming breaths. “If the cave were to collapse, it would have done that a while ago.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure…”

“You’re not sure of anything,” Whisper shot back.

“Fair point.”

A smug grin curled around Whisper’s mouth. He turned back to the wall and kept walking, feeling along the rough stone for the exit.

“You’re out of ideas, aren’t you? Maybe you should just give up. You never had a good plan for this anyway.”

Whisper clenched his teeth together and kept tracing the cracks and patterns in the stone. “I know what I’m looking for.”

“Do you?”

Suddenly, a heavy vibration echoed through the chamber, sending down a rain of dust and tiny shards of rock. Whisper instinctively ducked, placing his hooves above his head.

“What good will that do if this whole place collapses?”

The rumbling continued, shaking Whisper to his core as he ducked to the ground, kneeling above the cold stone.

“Oh, you pathetic little coward. Stand up and face it like a stallion should. Sitting there won’t get you anything.”

With a sigh of resignation, Whisper stood up, and the rumbling stopped almost immediately. A twinge of suspicion pricked Whisper’s mind, but he pushed it aside.

“Now, now, doubt is healthy for you. It helps us soulless creatures survive.”

“What in the hay are you talking about?!” Whisper exploded, fuming.

“I think you know.”

Grumbling a series of incomprehensible words to himself, Whisper marched forward, reaching out with a hoof only to collide with a warm, smooth surface. For the first time that night, a flower of hope blossomed in his mind.

“Hey Whisper, where do you keep the weed-whacker around here?”

“One of these days, I swear I am going to kill you,” Whisper swore as he shoved open the door.

“I’d like to see you try.”

Whisper threw his weight into the warm metal, and a wall of fiery light blasted into his vision. He stepped through the pain, out of the darkness and back into the light of day, feeling a wash of relief flooded over him."

What do you think about this? Should I continue it and see where it goes?

Edited by The Late Night Shine
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