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(edited)

@Miss Reaper

Galatea

 

Hey... I think I've reviewed an OC that was closely connected with Galatea the first time I had a thread like this!  :lol: Nevertheless, time to get to Galatea!

 

Appearance: I have to say, she looks pretty. She has a professional look about her and she looks like the type to get right down to business. I also like the cutie mark you gave her, having a really nice link with engineering here. Nice OC in terms of looks.

 

Score: 10/10

 

Backstory: This is a really extended backstory for starters. I like the amount of thinking and detail you put into making these types of backstories. You've grown a lot from the last time I reviewed one of your fellow OCs. Is your OC by any chance connected with the Equestria Divided roleplay? The level of detail here is quite impressive. Nevertheless, I was wondering... which group of stallions ambushed and killed Chrome? Were they a part of a war, or just a group of thugs from a street gang? I feel that connecting it to the former without Galatea knowing would play a big role in her involvement with the war. If it's connected to the latter, it just doesn't give as much power to the story. I also love the suspension you placed at the end of the backstory. 

 

One last comment. How did Galatea feel after losing Ariel? She tended to Ariel over the past 10 years, but it seems like she's so preoccupied with Nano that she forgets about Ariel completely. Was that intentional? Otherwise, a great backstory.

 

Score: 8.5/10

 

Personality: She seems like a really nice pony personality-wise, and I can see that much of it has grown from the backstory you wrote for her. I don't have much else to say here, but you could add a note where she says she loves to work with engines and technology because of her cutie mark. Just one last thing. Where did she get her cutie mark? I know this should tie in with the backstory, but given its length, maybe you could add the story at the cutie mark section with a brief description.

 

Score: 9/10

 

@SilverHeart I can't make promises about re-reviews given the fact that a lot of people are coming in for reviews of their OCs. But I'll see what I can go if my queue is empty.

Edited by The Ancaster Brony
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@,

 

Tee-hee, I may have had you take a look at Ariel the last time. ;)

 

Either way, thank you kindly for the review. The things you've pointed out, I know the answer to but have seem to have forgotten about adding into her profile, so thank you for that! :)

 

Also, I'm not connected with Equestria Divided... I simply like to put as much detail into my characters as I can, and thank you for the compliment on that. :blush:

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Rai

 

Appearance: She certainly has the look of a quiet, yet pensive pony. I like the cutie mark you give her too. As a detective though, it would be really cool if she was holding a magnifying glass or a detective's hat, but if she's one to get straight down to business, I guess it's not the best idea xD. Still, if she was born into a family of detectives, a family heirloom for detectives would be really cool! Consider that!

 

Score: 8.5/10

 

Backstory: I can see that you need quite a bit of help with making a backstory, but I can see you're trying, given that you've got an idea for her cutie mark story. Why don't you start by elaborating on the snack-napping? Do a Phoenix Wright and say that someone was framed for the crime based on "evidence"! And let her find the truth and give her a passion of finding the truth through that story! Talk about how she's solved many other crimes perhaps, or if you really want her to be special, give her a chance to foil a drug cartel or the like! 

 

Also consider the type of family she was brought up and the types of friends she's with. Think about your life. There were things that shaped you in some way perhaps. Or there were things that happened to your friends that impacted you. Or there was a world event. Or you could do a Sherlock and give her a lost lover! Whatever you do with the backstory though, make it believable. Make it so that people can understand how and why it happened, and make sure that people can empathize with your character really well.

 

Score: 3/10

 

Personality: A good start to the personality section. She's quiet yet cold at times. She's a very helpful pony deep inside... But is there a flaw about her in some way? Her being too focused on a particular detail perhaps? Or her not being able to woo a person with her words as well in order to catch some very important details? Or her inability (or unwillingness) to work with others? Think of these things as you continue to develop Rai.

 

Score: 7.5/10

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Hello! I was curious if you could review my OC please! The link to her page is in my sig, and my avatar is her. :) Thanks so much!!! (oh, and I'm gonna try to make actual art of her sometime, because at the moment I only made her with Pony Creator as you can see.) ^_^

Edited by Cassadragon
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@Pinkamena Dianne Pie

Code Junkie

 

You... YOU... THIS OC... TURNED DOWN CHEMM IN WELCOME TO ECHO FALLS!  :angry: Zeroes for you in all categories!  :angry:

I kid, I kid xD. Seriously, We've met before. I hope you remember Echo Falls :P. Now to get really serious... xD.

 

Appearance: He looks like a nice, manly stallion, something we should expect from most stallions. Aww... I wanted to see his cutie mark in action. The binary coding would have been really cool to see on his flank  :wacko: . He seems like a smart OC too. Other than that, I suggest giving him a mechanized wrist watch or something else that would really add to his quiet, yet intelligent nature.

 

Score: 8/10

 

Backstory: Any reason as to his parents separating? Or is that not something you want to delve too deeply? I just wonder because a divorce is a huge change in lifestyle, and given that he's your ponysona, I would imagine the effects of divorce on your life... Just a thought. I wonder how it first affected him is all. Nevertheless, I can see that he wanted to move with his father... What did his mother think of that? Or at the very least, was there any hassle for Code after the parents divorced? And why was he very happy to be with his dad rather than his mom? 

One other big qualm that I have is that your OC doesn't have a cutie mark story. You can either place that at the backstory or the cutie mark section. Surely that moment would have changed Code's life forever, and it's important enough to be placed somewhere on the character profile! My other qualm is also connected with the cutie mark. You spend great time mentioning his parents' story, which is awesome, but whatever happened to Code using his talents for good or bad depending on his situation and/or character? 

 

A good start, but add more focus on Code now.

 

Score: 6.5/10

 

Personality: You have a nice basic ground through which you can build your OC, but my biggest issue is the last sentence. He has a short fuse, but right afterwards, you say that his temper's very hard to set off. I'm assuming you want to stick with the former right? Otherwise, I suggest you add a few things about different types of items that he likes to keep, or suggest a quirk related to his computer work. That would give your OC another dimension to work with. 

 

Score: 7.5/10

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@,

 

Thanks for the review, and yes, I do remember Echo Falls. Was quite disappointed when that died. Was starting to get good.

 

As for the review, his physique will get an update as soon as the picture gets done., so he will actual be complete.  Now the backstory, I will have to add/re-write crap to make it more "clean" and make more sense. (I'm a horrible writer.) The personality, I'll quick re-word it to make more sense.

 

And lastly if I recall, I don't remember turning Chemm down. :P

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(edited)
And lastly if I recall, I don't remember turning Chemm down.

 

xD. I meant that we were going to plan a turn down from Code... but I guess you were right. They TECHNICALLY didn't do that yet xD  

 

 

 

and yes, I do remember Echo Falls. Was quite disappointed when that died. Was starting to get good.

 

I also remember that RP. Too bad it died when it did... I was really hoping to continue that inevitably failed relationship xD

Edited by The Ancaster Brony
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xD. I meant that we were going to plan a turn down from Code... but I guess you were right. They TECHNICALLY didn't do that yet xD  

 

 

 

 

I also remember that RP. Too bad it died when it did... I was really hoping to continue that inevitably failed relationship xD

I blame Noble. XD

 

Anyway, would you mind taking a look at him after I'm done working on his page?

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Anyway, would you mind taking a look at him after I'm done working on his page?

 

If you mean a re-review, I don't do many of those unless I have an empty queue... Part of me providing my time to helping others as well. However, a cursory read I can still do over PM. That I can also do for @SilverHeart 

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OC's Name: Merryfeather McCloud (Merryfeather)

Merryfeather McCloud's Backstory:
She really was a filly full of dreams and light in her eyes. Quiet, but very noticeable through her actions. Her mother was an important business pegasi who usually worked on land 24/7, and her father worked up in Cloudsdale just as much. Therefore, Merryfeather spent the remainder of her childhood with her grandmother, Peggie Sue (Merryfeather called her Nanny Sue).

 

One day, Nanny Sue needed to go out and get some milk for a new pie recipe she wanted to try, and put all her trust in Merryfeather to behave while she is out (with her being a mischievous filly). Merryfeather began to grow bored of watching outside her window and playing with her paddleball (which was her favorite toy when she was little), and decided to get a book off her grandmother's bookshelf. She grabbed the first book she saw, "Sewing: A Beginner's Guide", and turned to page 4 of the book. Merryfeather noticed something very interesting, and it was a 'how to' on how to make a scarf. 

Being her curious self, she began to read the section and the step by step pictures on how it is done. Before she got to the end, she realized that Nanny Sue kept a sewing kit just inside her bedroom. She took the book in her mouth, and jogged to her bedroom.

When Nanny Sue came home with her groceries, she noticed that her granddaughter was no where to be found at all. Being a spaz, she immediately began searching, pacing all over the house, until she went passed her bedroom where she heard a familiar sound coming from it. She looked through her doorway, and saw Merryfeather with a book in front of her, and her sewing machine going off. At first, Nanny Sue was furious not only because she was worried, but she found her playing with something she shouldn't. Before she could finish her lecture, she noticed something that caught her attention. Right before her granddaughter, was a scarf made of soft, lavender fabrics. It wasn't the best scarf ever, for the stitches were out of line...but what really caught her eyes was the mark on her flank: A pink scarf.

When she got to a certain age, she began to make scarves  for the Pegasi around Cloudsdale, especially during the winter.

Her side hobbies are taking karate classes for self defense, (Thing can get dangerous up there!), watching romantic comedies, and improving her cooking skills. (If she had any. She stinks at baking/cooking lol)

SIDE NOTE: She has a soft, british accent. -3-

Merryfeather McCloud's Personality:
Her personality, when it comes to her job, is very focused. In the mean while, she is easy going, accepting, and very kind to her peers. She has downsides to this personality, that she can't be very assertive with her peers and customers. Mostly of because she was raised to be respectful, even when those ponies are being disrespectful to her. Physically, she can get assertive on account of her karate classes.

Merryfeather McCloud's Appearance:

 

Edited by PeachBlink
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@Lightning Bliss

Lightning Bliss

 

Appearance: She certainly has a very colourful tail and mane to start. She's really self-conscious? This should be interesting, given that she looks like she doesn't have much of a care for that. But after reading her backstory, I can see where you're coming from. She certainly looks very colourful, and her personality fits that well. Question is... was the rainbow mane and tail also a defect? Finally, I want to see what she looks like with her cape and hood... You could place that at the other section perhaps?

 

Score: 8.5/10

 

Backstory: You certainly have focused a lot on the romance of Lightning Bliss. This should most certainly be one of those soap opera type love stories (not that it's a bad thing... these types of stories are much harder to execute without being overly cliche about it). She sounds like she's a jack of all trades. While it can be a good idea, it can also be quite overpowering to some people eye's. However, if you keep in mind that she's not completely perfect about everything, then it's still ok. It's just a warning is all.

 

Now that that's out of the way, my first gripe's the fact you say she used to be a pegasus. I thought she was born with the Griffon characteristics when I read through her character profile. Also, why was she raised in Appeloosa when she was born in Cloudsdale? Did her parents move there, or was she suddenly a lost foal? I also wonder why she has a knack for learning a lot of new things. I was hoping that she was a painter with her appearance. But enough of that. 

 

I also have some questions about her love story... Why did she suddenly feel the need to find love? It could be a normal adolescent thing I guess, but if that's your choice, then I guess I can flow with it. If you want to think of something else, consider a first love that ended terribly simply by virtue of appearance. Also, it sounds like Bliss experienced love at first sight after all... I don't agree with love at first sight unless during an RP... However, since this IS an imaginary world, I guess it's a go and can be the impetus for something really cute for future RPs. I have a tossup with love stories really.

 

Other than that, my general comment is for you to continue developing your OC through possible foal stories and her time at Canterlot, providing examples of how she kept on failing to find the stallion she wanted to be with the rest of her life. Also add a cutie mark story (which most people forget) and a story about her being the jack of all trades.

 

Score: 7/10

 

Personality: This section's the hardest to talk about because most of the stuff you mention already fits her pretty well. Still, how does she hide her characteristics? With a magic spell (given that she's a unicorn too)? With a cloak? Consider that. What would happen if someone were to reveal what she wanted to hide? What if her husband isn't there for her? How does she react to adversity then? Any quirks you wanna add on her? OH... What type of voice does she have?! Deep? Chipmunk? Soothing? Raspy? That's something I just thought of right now! Consider all that!

 

Score: 7.5/10

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@,

 

Ya alot of what you say that my OC is lacking I didn't want to put in due to I didn't want it to be "emo" or saddening since I see alot of sap stories or despression backgrounds, and since she's named Lightning Bliss, an OC that represents what I hope in my own life, representing my life and its bliss, i didn't want to ruin it. But just to fill in those gaps...

 

She was a pegasus born in Cloudsdale, her father Fire Strength, and her mother Gentle Feather, didn't get along well and they divorced and her mother remarried to an earth pony named Shy Hammer. Sadly though when she was still a filly and living with her father, he passed away from a heart attack during his work in the fields, he worked with the weather teams. So she went to live with her mother and step father who had moved to Appleloosa.

 

And you are right, she DID have a pervious love interest that ended with her ex stallion breaking up with her. She wanted a strong commitment to their relationship, getting married etc, but he didn't want any of that, he wanted to join the wonder bolt academy to become a wonder bolt and have keep his freedom. So he broke it off with her and it shattered her deeply. So to hide that, she focused on her many hobbies.

 

Her hobbies and talents (no they aren't perfect) primarly are she loves to draw, fly and try to do special talents like the sonic rainboom, help her mother with caring for the elderly and sick in Appleloosa, help other ponies with their misfortunes, growing apples with some of the apple family residents of Appleloosa, writing stories about love interests. But she really loves to meet new beings like gryphons or forigeners of Equestria. (And now that she's an alicorn, she's slowly starting to enjoy her travels to and from kingdoms as a diplomate.)

 

Sadly though as much as she enjoyed her hobbies, the break up still left her feeling lonely and well...low on self esteem. Despite her rainbow highlights, her birth defect of her gryphon like tail (she was born with it for some odd reason) and her abnormally large ears, made her self esteem very low. She used to be picked on in her early filly years for those attributes often, as well as not getting her cutiemark till her teen filly years.

 

How she got her cutiemark:

 

During her teen filly years of school, still being a blank flank, she was starting to think she'd never get her mark. But one one day of her school year, so many things happened to her. She wanted to compete in an art tournement for her class's top art class, while still hanging out with little friends she had to go practice flying, but she also wanted to be with her mother and help her to pick fresh apples for an apple pie, to wanting to meet a gryphon exchange student who had arrived that same day, she had never met a gryphon and felt it was a huge opprotunity. But the biggest point to that day...after she managed to meet all those activites she enjoyed in her life, and went to meet the exchange student gryphon...she found out that other fillies and colts were picking on him for not being a pony at their school. A rogue young stallion pegasus wanted to challenge the gryphon to a fight but the gryphon was a shy geeky fello and backed off, feeling lonely and exiled. Blissy came to the gryphon's defense, saying "You pick on him for just being who is, just like you all do to me! But I realize now that me and this gryphon are just the same...We both have feelings, voices and minds...we both have souls and hearts and...we both feel pain...Tell me, how is this gryphon any different from you or me?" The bully stallion backed off, feeling bad for what he said and almost did and apologized and left her and the gryphon alone. Blissy then realized she had a love for many things, and wanted to do as much as she could, but not only that, she loved it when ponies and other sentient beings came together in peace and unity...and in that moment her cutie mark appeared. A rainbow heart with a black lightning bolt going down the middle.

 

The Love Interest:

 

She had lived alone with her mother and step father for awhile now, and still she was shaken up from the break up and decided it was time to do something about it, she just didn't know how. Well her mother knew that she wanted to find love again, and so saved up the money to buy her a ticket and a room for the Grand Galloping Gala, a one time night to give her the chance to find a special stallion. She went to the gala, but was confronted with the rich and famed, and sadly...she was ridiculed for living in Appleloosa, not having as much money, being called a "ruffian" with large ears and a freaky tail. So she went to a balcony to cry, when she saw these beauitful lights in the sky, made my a giant flying figure, a dragon... It was love at first sight for the both of them. (Yes I know thats a cliche, but thats how me and my husband met. We online dated for awhile, but when we met physically for the first time it truely was love at first sight, we got married back Dec 2013).

 

Her Cape:

 

She wears a cape and hood to not only hide her large ears mainly, but her alicorn horn. She was shocked that she ascended in the first place and isn't ready to be viewed as an "alicorn" for fear of being ridiculed even more. And the fact she barely knows any magic, and her magic reacts out of instinct rather then control, she's not comfortable with who she is and the large amount of responsibility is now weighted on her shoulders. So while she lives in Ponyville with her dragon husband up near the mountains, she ventures in public wearing her hood and cape to hide her alicorn features.

Edited by Lightning Bliss
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(edited)

@Lightning Bliss, When you make a story with hope on it, it doesn't have to to be emoish. Those sorts of stories are actually realistic. Constant death and a life without hope is a terrible idea to pursue. If you give the OC glimpses of hope, then they're not emos. Add that cutie mark story into your backstory then :3.

 

Maya Flower

 

Appearance: At first, I thought the flower part of her name was just something symbolic of her blooming characteristics, like her ability to make people's lives shine more than normal. But when I read your story, I was like, "She came from a flower?! DAMN!" That's certainly a first I've read. She also looks like a really cute pony, just like a real flower should be... Like my former cwushie...  :blush: Anyway, she certainly looks like somepony that came from a plant, so I guess it's a good start nevertheless?

 

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: A very interesting backstory to say the least. A lot of thinking was placed into the birth of Maya Flower... from a flower! It makes me wonder what happened to the mage... The mage isn't the focal point of the story, and it's good that you added some suspense in this regard. However, as a young foal, wouldn't she have to find some way to have parents, even if adopted? As part plant, did she have any difficulties telling the world about her uniqueness? Also... how did the other foals treat her as she prepared for schooling, if any? And how would a cutie mark work if she's a pony from a plant? Very original idea, but here's some stuff to think about.

 

Score: 7/10

 

Personality: It's interesting how you've started on the various moods she can have and how they can go into some extremes pretty quickly. Here's an idea for you. Since she's part plant, why not let the moods connect how she can photosynthesize? If she's really happy, she'll be looking really bright and be able to grow a lot from it. If she's really sad, she'll wilt perhaps. Reminds me of Cassie from Dragon Tales. If she's really sad, she shrinks! Well you don't have to copy her xD, but it's just a thought that adds to her personality. 

 

Also, given that she's a plant, does she like to garden? Is she very environmentally conscious, or at least trying to get a sense of love towards plants in general? Consider that too.

 

Score: 7.5/10

Edited by The Ancaster Brony
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@,

 

Hey thanks a lot. And I'm doing an RP where she gets adopted. She already has her cutie mark. What I'm gonna do is, make another profile for her with a completed backstory since currently in the RP she's all grown up.  

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Fender

 

Appearance: He certainly looks like a pony with spunk for starters. He certainly seems the type to want love from mares too... and has the looks for it too! The suave mane, the confident wink, and the fact he's mid-air, oh, such self-esteem! :D I think you should add some of that for the personality section. Otherwise, he looks like a cool pony, and I like very much the original work you have on your character profile!

 

Score: 8.5/10

 

Backstory: I'm wondering though... if his nickname's Fender... then what's his real name... A mystery to start!  :wacko:  Another fire story? I just had a fire story two reviews ago... *Sigh* I'm sorry, but I have to say... I can't imagine lightning striking that many homes and destroying that many ponies' lives, especially given that we have weather ponies who can try their best to prevent that. But alas, it's your story, and it IS a fictitious world... Just keep in mind that people may not like these types of stories as much because they're very cliche. Try another sad event that's special to him, but not very meaningful to someone else... Also, do you have in your mind an idea of how he moves on from the fire and the destruction of his family so quickly? I would imagine that it would take quite some time...

 

Also, why was he kicked out from Cloudsdale after sneaking into flight school? It's a significant event that warrants an explanation. So he got his cutie mark while singing... Where did he sing if I may ask? And what was so special about that particular singing stint? 

 

There's some things you need to consider. More detail is needed in the backstory and I feel that you should change the traumatic event he faced. Also add why he chose Canterlot over other places in Equestria after he was kicked out of Cloudsdale.

 

Score: 6/10

 

Personality: You've certainly added many aspects about him. Have you ever let him be saddened by the events that overshadowed him after the fire that killed off his whole family? Surely it would have a huge psychological event on him...? Also, as a hopeless romantic, how bad is it? Just some clarification will go quite a way to helping your OC grow. I also suggest you tell me what differentiates between him handling a situation normally or terribly.

 

Score: 7/10 

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Oooh, I see you're taking this back up again! :D

 

I'd ask for a review, but you've done the only OC I really have detail on .. :(

 

So I'm just popping in to say good luck with these, and have fun with 'em too! :D

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Sorry about the delay . I was working a lot on MLPF World Cup stuff. Now to review your OC!

Cutie Cone

Appearance: she looks very neat and proper... like a Rarity. I have to say though, I don't think cyan fits really well with purple, but if you think it's fine, then I'm all for it. Did you draw the ice cream cone cutie mark? If so, then kudos to you! I can't draw for my life! :P. Oh NOW I see why I was reminded of Rarity when I saw your character! It's because she has lots of similarities to her! Hehehe. Not that I don't like that, but you're not going to get as many points for originality for it. But it's ok.

 

Score: 8/10

 

Backstory: Lots of things you need to add to your backstory. First, add a cutie mark story, a magical moment which led Cutie Cone to see that the life of ice cream was for her. Second, consider her interactions with other characters. Would you consider adding another OC who she considers a best friend? Any stories you want to share which reflects her personality? How about her interactions with her parents? How did she start the involvement with the family business? When did it happen? Any chances where she showed her personality in her work? Needs a lot of development, but I can see you're trying to get some ideas.

 

Score: 4/10

 

Personality: Oddly enough, this is the most developed section of your character profile. I'm surprised because most people develop their backstories most significantly. I like all the things you've done here, but have you ever considered the fact that you may be copying Rarity a bit too much with your OC? Just a thought I want to leave you with if you roleplay with other characters. It just feels like you copied Rarity into a character while giving her another talent. Perhaps find some way to make her stand out from Rarity while still having her traits. It's fine because ponies can have similarities with each other like humans, but recall that no two ponies will truly ever have the same personality. 

 

Score: 7/10

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Chetnik

 

Appearance: He certainly looks like a very determined and handsome pony for starters. Like most militaristic stallions. I can see that you are inspired by your nation's colours, which is perfectly fine by me. I find it quite inspiring. Good start here.

 

Score: 9/10

 

Backstory: It sounds like your native land has influenced you very much in making this pony :). At the same time though... it seems like you've moved the real world into the pony world, especially when you mention Western countries. That's especially considering the fact there is no mention of Western country in Equestria. Nevertheless, why don't you start describing the family he was raised with? Imagine where he's living and talk about it. Describe it the best you can. That will certainly add to the story as people read and imagine the story. 

 

Like I said though, biggest concern's that the setting's far too similar to the real world.

 

Score: 7/10

 

Personality: You have a lot of adding to do here. Try considering a potential weakness or flaw he may have in his personality through his bad habits or simply his nature. Being overreactive or too emotionally involved with something are some examples. Maybe you can also consider his feelings towards the "Western countries" or the favourite types of weapons and machinery he works with. Or you can also show the type of heart he has and how he interacts with other characters. Consider all that as you continue to let Chetnik grow.

 

Score: 4/10

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@

 

Thanks a bunch man, I guess I haven't written much about his personality but he has a short fuse I guess. The overreactiveness too.

 

And for the Western countries, as far as I know most bronies think Equestria is a continent with countries since there are a lot more races than just horses, there's the griffon kingdom, the Old Kingdom, Germane/neigh, Yugoponia, etc etc.

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Hello! I'm not sure if you forgot or anything, a-and i'm not trying to be pushy! >.<

I'll get to everyone's OCs as fast as I can. I haven't forgotten :). I had the World Cup to worry about :P

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This character was actually an experiment for me. I like to make villains, but I usually hate villains that are 100% evil or have basic motivations (I prefer sympathetic villains that are calculating). I gave it a try anyway.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/mason-r4280

LOL You OC seems really familiar to me! :P I think I reviewed you OC at one point! :D

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