Look, I'm not a brony. I was. But I gave it up. Well, I should start from the beginning. I was just surfing the internet one day for videos of TF2 when I stumbled across MLP FiM. I was dismissive at first. Eventually, I gave in and I took a look. I loved the show and for the next 6 months that was what I spent a lot of my free time thinking about. However as time went on, I started to doubt my love for the show. It always felt as though I was trying to force myself to laugh at the jokes. I felt ashamed, hiding it from the majority of my friends and family. I always frowned upon bronies for a couple of reasons (Conversion, disgusting art, etc.) Doubt started to sit in more than ever after two episodes (who will remain nameless for now) that had scenes that I could not stand. Eventually, my doubt developed into boiling anger and hatred. I was angry at the show for the pain it caused me. I was angry at the fan base for their fandom habits. I was angry at myself for getting involved in the show. My anger then turned into depression. I couldn't even look at pictures from the show without feeling sick to my stomach. It got so bad, I had to get a therapist.
It has been about two years since that whole situation. I have thought about the show everyday of my life since then. I sometimes still create scenarios of me and the characters in my head. I will even admit that I looked at some "clop". I know. I did what I hated about the fan base. Anyway, I have had some points when I have strongly considered getting back into the show. But I don't know if I can. I'm afraid I won't like it. I'm afraid the doubt will return.
By now, you probably are thinking I have OCD. Well, I do. Severe OCD. Sometimes I wonder if the forced laughter and the doubt were all designed compulsions to fool me (That is what OCD does). But If I really found the jokes funny, why did I feel forced to laugh? Why did I go on for 6 months? If I didn't like it I would have stopped. I even tried starting over from season 1 (I got all the way through season 2 before I quit).
Look, I don't blame you if you don't believe me. I know that I sound insane. But I have tried everything to get rid of the show from my life but no matter what I do, I can't. I have been thinking that if I can't run from it, I should give it another shot. A fair shot. I don't know if I gave the show a fair shot. I was so ashamed for being a fan. I didn't know about OCD when the whole situation went down. But then I think it might be best to just find another show to get into. One of the reasons I loved MLP was that it finally gave me a show that I could enjoy. When I lost that, I started to feel empty inside.
So why am I here? Like I said, I tried therapy and tried to move on. Those have each worked to a certain point but it isn't the closure that I desire. I have always considered asking the fans, but I dismissed it typically, expecting to get a flawed or biased opinion. But, I have decided that it can't do any harm. The question is simple. Should I give the show another chance or is it time to move on? Until I get the answer, I thought I would just see what the fan base was really like. You know instead of watch from a distance.