Alia

This ain't terrible at all.

Today is my birthday. I'm too exhausted to write out anythin' 'bout my crazy life here. I don't feel happy this day; my 26th birthday- it means I've got a year closer to my death. But I believe, the things will change someday and I'll learn how to smile again. I shan't give up.

Since beginnin' of the previous year it's got pretty obvious that my plans 'bout joinin' an American college have been totally ruined by lowering of rouble/dollar rate and insane Russian politics. It also has gotten obvious that I'd better to leave Russia as soon as possible, even if I won't to and never be able to see two of my only friends here. For some period of time I wanted only to settle down in some village and get my own horses, for I discovered my equine therian personality and I feel strong connection to 'em that in some ways adjoins madness. I wanted to live like an earth pony, whom I'mn't, and the dreams about workin' on virtual reality systems (including virtual Equestria) won't leave me alone. So I've made a new plan- I want to emigrate to Ukraine this summer and get education there, to seek for a job in US or Canada afterwards. Even if I fail, at least I would be able to settle down in a village there and get horses then, as a spare dream. I choose Ukraine because I'm half Ukrainian, I have some friends and relatives there, it's cheap for livin' and easy to emigrate; after all, I like this country and its language. But I badly need money for that and to compensate for increased livin' expenses, caused by fall of rouble and sanctions; some prices for food have got three times higher that they were a year ago and politicians in mass-media just advice us to eat (!) less, instead of doin' sumthin' to fix this situation up. As ya know, I totally don't eat meat and it's hard for me to organize my diet and keep expenses low. So I found a job at small warehouse in Moscow, where I'm forced to work without rest-days to earn as much money as I can. It's only for 3 or 4 months, but now it looks like my personal hell. So I'm workin' and dreamin' 'bout how nice it will be- to gallop across a sunny Ukrainian meadow, pasture, and take sunbath. Maybe even other horses would like to keep me company. Soon this bad period will pass away, but actually I will never be free. If you have read books like "War Horse" or "Black Beauty," ya know what it's, but my "owner" is my dreams and circumstances, once in a while they change and force me to do what I won't to do. And I have bitter feeling that I'm "sold" again, but that's OK, it's the way of an average domestic horse. I have a little spare time, so I can't post much on forums, but bein' social creature I still need some communication. Ya know, such "trials" get even harder when it's nopony around you to tell ya, "don't despair, you can do this." The best thing y'all can do to help me is just to talk to me. I may be not very social, but I really-really need this. My ICQ: 205087515 and Skype is "liapardus" (I know, that's creepy nick for a horse, but I can't change it like a leopard can't change its spots, hehe.)

I spent a lot of time with horses, but didn't ride 'em. They were most likely friends of mine and not a transport. However, I have some experience in ridin' some of 'em bareback. I was nice but ain't easy for both of us.

Feel kinda guilty, but have to confess: I don't like pegasi. Of course I don't hate 'em and don't think they shall be put in cupcakes, but... well, I just don't like them (except only Fluttershy and Derpy.) I wonder, is it normal not to like pegasi? I don't know why exactly I don't like 'em, but every time when I read somethin' 'bout 'em I catch myself on this thought. Of course it has no connection with Rainbow Factory, as some of y'all may think, but in pegasi I find somethin' unfamiliar or even repulsive. Maybe that's because I'm not a pegasus myself; I have no propensity for the sky and flyin', I don't get their wishes and desires, they only make me boring. I don't like fanfics about pegasi as well, but I adore the ones 'bout unicorns for I'm mostly unicorn myself. As far as I can tell, all the people may be classified as earth ponies, unicorns, or pegasi. I'll write later, how to find out- who is who, but now I wanna say, my real parents were "unicorn" (father) and "earth pony" (mother.) My foster mother was an "earth pony" too and I have no pegasi in my pedigree. I hope my future very special somepony wouldn't be a pegasus. And my foals won't too.