Lord Bradley

 

It looks like you’ve taken care of what I asked you to. There are just a couple more things, then you should be all set

• While I notice that his eyes are no longer described as slitted, they are still shown that way in the image for him. I realize that changing the image may be overly difficult, so I just ask that you make a note in the appearance section that the pony has normally shaped pupils rather than the slitted ones shown.

• I like the new spell you added, it suits your character really well! I do have a few adjustments to the spells though, just ways to further define exactly what he is capable of. For the invisibility, I would say that he is only able to use telekinesis (what you refer to as levitation) while invisible, and that he can’t do too much “heavy lifting” with his magic while invisible. For the unlocking, I would note that his spell works on regular locks, not necessarily on enchanted locks.

 

And that's that. Also, apologies if the brohoof and quote annoy you.

Apologies for the lateness in reply, but have read over your character again and am ready with another review of him. Before I begin, I should mention that although I could tell by looking at the comments that you wanted Drakk to be reviewed again, he should be marked as not being WIP to let us know that he is ready for reviewing.

• After discussing Drakk with some of the other EqE staff, it has been decided that the slitted eyes are not acceptable for this section. I apologize for having you come up with an explanation for them only to later tell you that they must be changed, but among our rules is that ponies must look the way they are presented in the show.

• The teleportation spell is considered to be very powerful magic, and is reserved for ponies who specialize in magic study (like Twilight, who’s special talent is magic). This spell will need to be replaced with something else.

• The family’s financial issues in relation to the mother’s medical treatment still doesn’t sit right with me. Equestria is not a society in which it would be considered normal or even acceptable to refuse treatment based on finances, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if their medical system was free to use (though I won’t go too deep into the potential pony medical system here). It would make more sense to me to have the father leave in search of a cure that the doctors couldn’t provide.

• The part of the “other” section where you describe Drakk as having been on many adventures seems a bit oddly placed. It seems like it would be better to describe Drakk as adventurous in his personality, or to detail at least some of his adventures in his backstory.

• Saying Drakk “usually explores his past memories” would be better worded as “often explores his past memories”. The word “usually” would imply that he’s in these flashbacks more often than not, while “often” would just suggest that this is something he does on a regular basis.

Hopefully none of these will be too much trouble for you. If you have any questions about them, feel free to message me with your inquiry.

I believe I've changed it to yer points, hopefully.

Drakk is looking much improved! Thank you for being so thorough in addressing the points in my previous review. There are still a few more things to take care of, but this should take much less time than the last edit for this character.[/size]

 

• 
  You say in the backstory that Drakk’s family couldn’t afford to take his mother to the hospital. However, Equestria doesn’t exactly seem like the sort of society who would turn away a gravely ill pony because they couldn’t pay for treatment. This should be changed or removed.
   
  
• 
  There still isn’t a complete explanation for Drakk’s missing eyebrows (although, ponies don’t usually have eyebrows anyway, so you could just not talk about them if you wanted to)
   
  
• 
  Though Drake is no longer mentioned in the “other” section, he is still mentioned in the “likes”. If he is mentioned there, he should be talked about elsewhere so that we know who he is. I should probably explain here that, while it would be difficult to have Drake be Drakk’s constant companion for roleplay purposes, there’s nothing wrong with him having a friend who is a dragon.
   
  
• 
  “Levitation”, the spell we see unicorns using on the show to pick up and move things, is considered to be something that every unicorn learns to do, and is therefore not counted among the three allowed spells. Consider it a “freebie”.
   
  
• 
  The other two spells could be further expanded upon, especially in terms of explaining their exact functions and limitations.
   
  

That’s all this time. Take care of these and I’ll come back to see if I can send Drakk to second approval [/size]

Done, I suppose.

Welp, updated.