When I first listened to this, I was a bit confused. I didn't think that it had much to do with My Little Pony except for mentioning Equestria. You mention God, Jesus, and man, which are not exactly defined things in the MLP world (Don't ask about Equestria Girls )
Also, the singing is very raw and amateur. HOWEVER, the song is pretty catchy, and the lyrics actually have meaning. After listening to it again, I can see this sung in some sort of play by a very awkward character, and you know what? That makes it worth it! Being able to convey that idea and feeling is special. Props to you!
But still, work on your singing, and don't give up!