Donald Gamer

no its perfectly fine now to take this critique and actually use it to help my new writing hobby now about the more detailed review i would like that as it would help even more to know the nitty gritty of what i need to improve on on that note realize if this takes to much time don't stress it

Now I would like to say i'm going to remaster this OC once my writing gets better.... But recently I've found that writing is a fun past time for me and have decided to take it up as a hobby of course being a new writer i'm looking for all the critique I can get so of course i'm going to let you review my latest work which is extremely old and I know it'll probably only get a meh rating but the critique is good regardless https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/isaac-swiftheart-r8638

"oh...about that i don't really need it.... I kind of over prepare all the time..." he chuckled a bit "well i've got to go....well...bye" he then proceeded to awkwardly walk out " well that was awkward........ i've gotta leave i've already got the frames i needed" he proceeded to walk home with a smile on his face

"sorry.....i'm new here but i'm guessing from the looks i'm getting, your the mayor" isaac blushed "my name is Isaac. Isaac ShiftHeart.......I hope that this isn't causing any problems for you..... um... oh yes!.." Isaac forgot he had packed a spare pair of clothing in case it rained on him.... "here take these theres a changing room in the clothing store next door i'm sorry"

Isaac had just finished his slice of carrot cake when he decided to take his coffee and leave just as he was about to he tripped and the cold coffee which should of had it plastic lid on spilled on the mayor.... "oh sorry I apologize.... I" he rushed to quickly go get some towels by the time he got back he realized that it was the mayor "oh my! I really do apologize...."

Isaac took a deep breath as he walked around the corner to his new apartment.... he was quite scared as he didn't know what to expect..... turning the corner he stop to take a look at the sights..... his apartment was on a slight hill that lead to the city.... "whoa.... at least for a city this is beautiful .... I'm surprised my apartment was a cheap as it was..... this is amazing!" he smiled as he walked into the apartment block and took elevator with his bag...as he got to the top he saw a arrow that said check in here..of course he followed it and got his key "thank you" he said as he walked outside the check in and check his key number.... "number 10 mid range apartment second floor.... got it" he took the elevator down to the second floor and walked down to the middle door "11....10! here we go" he took a breath as he walked in..... and to his surprise it was everything the website made it out to be "nice! now all it needs is a little homely touch...now I'm sure I put that photo album in there somewhere...ah yes..." he then proceeded to start looking for the right photos " ah yes these are the ones.... oh I was so photo shy back then I really don't have a enough photos of myself from the past sigh I guess these three are the best" he pulled out one from when he was with his mother and father and two from when he was a little bit older with his step-mother.... "now to go out and buy some photo frames....hmm I really should unpack first but this place is so pretty... I really need to take a little walk around town and it will allow to find those photo frames I need as well" he then proceeded to pack a saddle pack with some item "now to check I have everything in here. Spare Glasses Check!, Photos Check!, Bug Repellent Band Check! And Water Check!.... I'm ready to go" he proceeded to take the stairs down to the bottom of the apartment block and walked down the stairs and down the hill to the city and walked around looking for some nice photo-frames but stopping in some other shops along the way he proceeded to walk into the bazaar and notice a place to eat. "hmm I am quite hungry I guess I could stop for a bite to eat....." he didn't really notice it before but there was a decent amount of zebras here... it didn't really bother him but he was quite surprised,he then took notice to the waiter and said "a table for one please" she proceeded to show him a table very close to the mayor he whisper to him self "is that the mayor.... he does seem to be very important... oh it doesn't matter"

interesting..... i think it would be perfect for my character to get some slice of life development..... https://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/isaac-swiftheart-r8638(ps: i know he's a bit young so could we make him 16 just for this roleplay)

this is quite minor as not much big random stuff gets on my nerves but when anyone adds to their title(on youtube dailymotion aka any form of video website where you can upload or stream something) like BEST GAME EVER! in all caps.... i know some mean as a joke and there's much wrong with it or being passionate about something..... but for some reason it still gets on my nerves