StaryStory
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About StaryStory
- Birthday 2004-08-25
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April 2022.
Such a complicated date for me to remember. Two individuals, trying to take me down, for not accepting my criticism. One a disappointed fan, the other, someone truly evil, at least it was what I felt. It was so fast, I was so desperate, I couldn't defend myself because of the shock. But for me, this wasn't even the worst part. There was a girl, a very special and good girl who tried to protect and defend me. She took care of me, got very close to me, I spent days and days with her, building a friendship that for me felt completely different when compared to any other I had. She became very special to me.
Unfortunately, there was so much negativity and people attacking me and others, it has corrupted my mind and consumed me with distrust. This led to our friendship facing a sad ending, where I thought that she didn't want to be my friend anymore.
Imagine you making everything for that person, taking care of it, giving it priority, becoming best friends with it, only for that person in the end not value your friendship as they should.
I still regret it to this day, she dedicated so much of herself just for me. I just can't even imagine how she felt after that. It's something I just can't forgive myself for doing.
A girl from this forum tried to be my friend and getting close to me. It was all going fine, but when I started telling her about this past, she wanted to get even closer to me, to the point where she was just reminding me of this old friend of mine.
Unfortunately, I had to stop her. I couldn't allow it, I don't know if her desire was truly to become my best friend just like that girl once was, but this was reliving a traumatic experience for me.
I'm just not strong enough to go through it again. I know it's a different context, time and place now, there aren't people attacking me anymore but only lovable people here, my mind isn't in despair. But still. I can't let it happen.
I had to unfortunately "refuse" her friendship. It was too fast, and the trauma is just too big and strong for me. If this disappointed her, I'm really sorry for her, but I'm just hopeless, and I believe that I just don't want to risk it anymore, and I am destined to live with this fear and the pain of this sin that I committed until the arrival of my eternal sleep. Maybe, even after it.
Sorry if this made you sad, but I just thought I had to share one of the reasons why I feel so empthy, pessimistic and "dead inside" nowadays. I always try to be positive with people here, enjoy what you have to share and all, I think it's good for my mind and spirit. But the pain and guilt never goes away.
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Do you have any idea how much this breaks my heart? This is precisely what gets under my skin...
Someone who is as darling as you are... someone who does not mess with anyone... and they target the innocent and the kind simply because of their egos or the thrill of feeling power over those who cannot defend themselves or simply choose not to engage in such pettiness. I understand that this was on an entirely different platform... but if anything like this ever happens here or anywhere within my scope of abilities: Please tell me.
PSA on bullying or ANYONE trying to drag people away on Discord for gossip, etcSpoilerYou have to speak up. Staying silent is how these people work to disassemble the beauty of friendships and connections. They loathe it and try to sneak and work behind the scenes to break it apart.
I highly encourage people to connect in the community - observe who they are in the community as well as how they are to people in private.
And if you meet anyone who drags you away into Discord for 1 on 1 -- put your guards up! (Yes, you may feel special, you may feel shy) but the moment they hit you with drama or garbage about someone you do not even know -- this is GOSSIP. Either disengage from the gossip and politely tell them you wish to have no involvement in that: (observe them, if they get angry and drop you -- this is a red flag.) if they insist it is SO bad that you NEED to take their sides... get the other person involved in a group chat so that they can also tell their side of the story... otherwise, this is petty sabotage and an attack on that person's character.
Also, if the matter is not so serious for a group chat to resolve it more reason to drop it!
I am literally getting fed up with the creepy, rotten apple types thinking they are so clever with twisting the narratives in order to hurt others through false rumors or violation of privacy/conversations that they call "evidence." Involve the other person of the topic or drop the matter entirely, otherwise, "evidence" can be fabricated or taken out of context -- and then we have a situation where a victim is literally being painted as a bad guy in order to have people who normally would not bully, suddenly join in bullying....
As for your friend.SpoilerI will do what I can to help here. I understand it was years ago. But if she is anything like me... she takes her friendships very seriously and she still thinks about you. You remind me of a close friend I have on here whom I love dearly and I have told him before... if he ever planned to disappear from here -- to please keep in touch because I will always think of him -- forever. Even in 20 years!
So, please... try to find her. Try to reach out. You would be surprised just how precious you are to people -- even if you cannot see it in yourself... I will be here if you need anything. I will do what I can to help.
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