Happysalesman

Moonlight hesitated. Bits would help, but she was a bit leery of these ponies and whatever 'work' they might be doing. They seemed nice enough, and they'd certainly helped with the drake, but she'd fallen for that once before. "What kind of job am I doing? And how much are you going to pay me?"

So did B get put on hiatus too? Cause it's been like over a week now.

Moonlight stopped, then turned to face Ruby. "It's not my first time in battle," she said plainly, "I live here because I like the solitude. I'm close enough to Ponyville that I can get supplies if I need them, but far away enough to be able to practice my abilities without interruption."

"I live here," Moonlight replied shortly, sliding her morning star into it's hook on her barding. She eyed the ponies on more time, looking each of them over for any distinguishing marks. "And my name's Moonlight Seer." With that, she turned and began walking towards Ponyville.

Moonlight tracked the Drake, making sure it was really leaving and not attempting some insane tactic. Once she was certain the drake was no longer a threat, she turned to the pony next to her. The one that had introduced herself as 'Dancer'. She opened her mouth to thank the pony for her assistance, until she remember just what had caused her to be in such a predicament. She narrowed her eyes, and took a step back from the pony. "Who are you ponies?" She asked slowly, "And who do you work for?"

"I told you today was a bad day to mess with me," Moonlight said, staring straight into the Drake's eyes. "Now I'm going to give you one chance. You can turn and leave, or I can destroy you. Take your pick." (Moonlight Seer - Readies action to melee attack if Drake continues to be hostile)

Moonlight cringed. The acid didn't hurt, but it made the skin under her coat feel itchy, and she knew it was going to take a week's worth of baths to get all of that washed out. Assuming she survived, of course. Moonlight concentrated, summoning her magic into the tip of her horn, before leaning forward and touching it against the hide of the dragon. [Cast Defensively - Inflict Moderate Wounds]

Moonlight took a moment to size up the Drake. She knew she couldn't beat it in a one on one fight without taking some serious damage, but at the same time, she couldn't risk leading it to Ponyville. Still, if she could make enough noise to alert the townspeople of the threat... "Alright, let's do this. Yaaaaah!" Moonlight charged at the Drake, her morningstar held high above her head. [Charge]

Moonlight could have bucked herself from here to Canterlot. A drake? Seriously? She allowed herself to slow as her panic wore off, to be replaced with anger and embarassment at her lack of self control. Fortunately she had a large target she could vent her feelings on. She slid to a halt just before the tree line, confident that, if worst came to worst, she could simply flee. "Alright you overgrown lizard," she muttered, using her telekinesis to draw her morningstar, "you picked the wrong morning to mess with me." [obviously, initiative]

As I understood it, both parties are going to be mostly separate throughout this adventure. we may run into one another from time to time, and occasionally when Celestia lights the hoof-signal, we will assemble in a most avenger-like fashion.

Yes, I believe we are being 'herded' if you'll forgive the term, into ponyville.

Moonlight felt her pulse quicken at the sound of the broken twigs. Oh no. They already found me? This soon!? But how? Oh no. No no no no not good! Run! Run now! Heart pounding in her chest, Moonlight turn and ran again, this time altering her course to take her closer to Ponyville.

Apparently my hotmail doesn't seem to work anymore. Try midntaylor

Well my hope was that we could start a group chat on there. It would a. make collaboration between party members much easier, and b. make it easier to speak with the GM, so we can move forward with our posts in a more timely manner. Just a thought, if you wanna join my email is HappySalesman01@hotmail.com

Hey, (at least for group B, though Group A is more than welcome to join) do y'all have skype?

Moonlight Seer shot awake, her telekinesis spell imploding and sending the papers and quills on her desk flying. She sat in her bed, gasping for air as she tried to calm her rapidly beating heart. A cold sweat ran in rivulets down her back, matting her coat and mane. After several moments, she was finally able to calm herself enough to focus on what had put her in such a state. She jumped out of bed and began frantically searching through the pile of papers on her floor. "Where is it where is it where is it," she muttered, throwing papers around as she tried to find 'it'. After a few moments, she found it, nearly ripping the sheet in half as she pulled it from underneath several other papers. She let out a small cry of terror as she read it, before throwing it to the floor and dashing out of her hut. The paper slowly floated to the floor. Found among the fresh ink stains, were the hastily scribbled words "Can't Run. Can't Hide. Found You"

I could fill it without breaking a sweat!

Wheeeee. Yes I made my character. When are we starting?

I'm in! Also, friends with Jaith Adymn, so I can help out setting this up if you need it.

H'okay, heeeere we go. Firstly, the chunk in the beginning about Sympathy, Forgiveness, and Trust? Reeeeeeeaally seems to have absolutely nothing to do with the story. It could be you're trying to allude to something further in, but right now it just seems unnecessary. Secondly, just as the story starts, you say "Elsewhere, in the past" and then right after that, you say "Canterlot, present day". Pick one, you can't be in the present and the past at the same time. Also, why the sudden change from third person to second? This transition is confusing, especially with the paragraph where you address the readers directly. If I had to choose, I would say leave it in second person entirely, from the first line of dialogue. I'm going to try to avoid beating a dead horse (sorry for the pun) by not going over what Melior already touched on. Thirdly, why were there two guards at the front door of his house? Who is this pony to warrant two royal (emphasis on the royal part there) guards to stand in front of his door, when there's nothing going on? Even if it was some kind of prank by his wife, the odds of pulling away two royal guards is... You've a better chance of making the british royal guards laugh. Also, since when does someone learning that they're pregnant warrant an emergency? Going into labor? Heck yes. Peeing on a stick? Not so much. Lastly, the stallion mentioned 'trouble' of raising a child. What trouble? Financial trouble? emotional trouble? There are a plethora of reasons someone could be in 'trouble', and by not defining it, you leave the reader lost (especially considering this is written in 2nd person). Take time to describe your setting. Paint a picture with words. I know it's 2nd person, but I have no idea what the stallion, or the wife look like in this. Read over your story a few more times. There are a few sections where the wording needs a minor tweak. That's all I've got for now, look forward to your update

Well 'www' definitely wouldn't work lol, emails don't work like that. But I did receive it at my comcast.net email, so you're good ^^. With luck, this won't be a lengthy process and I'll be able to let everyone know about my decision.

Hmmm, nope. HappySalesman01@hotmail.com is the correct address. If nothing else, I have another email you can try. alfared@comcast.net. See if that works.

Hello, one and all. As the title suggests, I am in need of a female voice for my a new YouTube series: My Little Fanfiction: Reviewing is Magic. Yes, I said fanfiction. No, this does not mean you should immediately start running for the hills. What I hope to do in this series is to make a change from the constant "gawd your fanfiction sucks!" into something along the lines of "Okay, this is what's wrong, now fix it." However, as I was fleshing this idea out, I came to a realization. I, like the many iterations of Dr. Whooves, need an assistant. Your job as the assistant is to read passages from the story, converse with me as we walk through the story, and do as the assistant does: assist. (Don't worry, no manual labor required). In reality, this means read the script, and add in as much creative input as you can (seriously, can't get enough of that). The Assistant as a character: So far, there isn't much background written for the Assistant, as what I had in mind was that the character(s) and backgrounds would develop as the series continues. The idea I have is that the Assistant took the job because hey, everypony needs a job, not really knowing what it would entail. So in the first few episodes she would start out rather confused, and develop from there. So, if this sounds like something fun to you, here's a sample script: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NPcaJyHdEGo5Al4buyY-gUHT_VVILGnNkrMz5WAawVQ/edit?usp=sharing As you can tell from the script, some mild language occurs, and exaggerated reactions for entertainment value are shown. How to Audition: Simply pick a portion of your favorite lines, record them as a .wav or .mp3 file and send them to: happysalesman01 (at) hotmail (dot) com. Edit: Apparently my hotmail email isn't working. If you try to send to that one and it fails, send it to: alfared@comcast.net (confirmed by rascal61 that it does work) Also, I feel I should make note that I want this series to last quite a while, so I am looking for someone who can make a commitment to the project and has at least a few hours a week to work on this. Thank you everypony, and good luck! If you have any questions, feel free to ask them here, or PM me.