Rocket Punk

Not to pick at your character but the propellers are not canon and they will probably keep him from being recognized in Equestruan Empire.

Well, I didn't know what to do because he had no wings, and I wanted to add him some device to allow him to fly. And if there are trains in the series, so they are canon, so I could simply think about some kind of thing to let him fly. I think I'm going to add something in his back story, maybe another character, that should have imagined the Rocket Belt, like a pony version of Leonardo da Vinci or Jules Verne...

Hello Rocket! You have an interesting little punk pony here, but before he can be accepted to this section some changes and adjustments will need to be made to your application.

• Firstly, I’m sorry to say this but your character’s propeller belt is not considered canon and will not be allowed in this section. In addition to being disallowed however, it seems to me like the theme of your character struggling to overcome his disability would have more weight to it if he did not have a device that nearly nullifies it. It seems odd that he would struggle with his lack of wings when you describe his belt as something that can allow him to fly essentially like a regular pegasus.

• On the subject of his wings, the disability he has would seem more realistic if his wings were stunted, deformed, or paralyzed than if they were missing completely and he looked exactly like an earth pony, or at least if there were some odd growth in the wing area such as bumps where the wings would be.

• The story format of the first half of the backstory seems out of place with the rest of the app and does not add to our understanding of the character as well as a regular paragraph formatting would.

• As diesel refers to something not known about in the Equestrian world, it cannot be used as the name for a pony.

• Exact ages of characters are not allowed, even if the character is being referred to as the human equivalent of such an age. It would be best to refer to him as an adolescent or to say that he left home early on or prior to adulthood.

• Your description of Rocket’s childhood paints Cloudsdale as being unusually mean-spirited. While it is very believable that your character would be bullied, the way you describe it suggests that at a young age he was being openly mocked, insulted, and laughed at by adult ponies, which is not accurate to pony behavior as depicted on the show itself.

• Landing on a hay bale would not be enough to break a fall from Cloudsdale, so I think Rocket will need to be helped down rather than falling.

• Specific dates cannot be used, as we do not know that Equestria follows the same calendar as us, so the use of “September 25th” in your backstory will need to be removed.

• Your backstory ends “five years ago”, meaning that we don’t know what he’s doing now. Information should be added that tells us what he’s doing now, such as where he lives and what his job is.

• A “bottomless pack” is not an item that we have ever seen before in MLP, and would have to be enchanted with an extremely powerful magic to allow it to function as it does. Because it is too unusual and magically powerful an artifact for a pony to just happen to have, it will not be allowed for your character.

I know that this looks like a lot, but many of these are just small fixes that will take just a few seconds to take care of. I’m sure that with these adjustments your character can be made into an excellent EqE-appropriate pony

Well, for Diesel as Rocket's father first name, that was just pun-intended. But you made me notice that wasn't canon. Also, I'll change the back story for the part where he's wingless, cause you helped me realize that I forgot people would think Rocket's an Earth Pony and not a Pegasus.

I think I'm also gonna update my OC's avatar to erase the propellers.

Thank you for promptly making adjustments

Rocket Punk is looking much better, though there are still some things that need to be fixed (though these should be easier fixes).

• The exact measurements of your pony in the appearance section should be left out, as we do not know how big ponies are or what their average size is.

• I can tell that you changed your character so that he has paralyzed wings and no rocket belt, but the rocket belt is still mentioned in the ‘personality’ section, the ‘likes’ section, and the ‘other’ section, and he is described as not having wings in his personality and the beginning of his backstory.

• Description of Rocket’s crush on Rainbow Dash should stay in his backstory, as it is not really part of his personality.

• Describing Rocket as being in his teen years when he left is still a bit too specific, and it would be better to describe him as adolescent. I know this seems like a nitpick, but we try to be careful not to say anything about how ponies age in this section.

• The way you describe him moving out is a bit confusing. You say that he left home by himself, but you later describe him as living in Vanhoover with his parents. Did they go with him, or did they follow him there later?

• The way you word the first time Rocket sees Rainbow Dash does not make very much sense in terms of timing. You describe him as recently seeing the events that took place when Rainbow Dash got her cutie mark as a filly, despite that having occurred a long time ago in terms of the canon timeline (not to mention that Rocket is supposed to have a crush on this character). It would make much more sense to describe Rocket as having attended the best young flyers competition where Dash performed her second sonic rainboom.

• The “flight” portion of the other section is not needed, as we already know that Rocket is unable to fly but can still walk on clouds based on the information in the rest of the application.

• You mention “bonfires” as being part of Rocket’s AEP. Maybe this is just ignorance on my part, but as far as I know a bonfire is a huge roaring fire, and therefore not something that can be stored in a bag. It would help if you explained what this is supposed to be.

• Although describing the AEP is fun and helpful, we do not need to know what Rocket has at his home. This section should be omitted, as it is not really information that will be useful in roleplay situations. On a side note, I’m not sure Equestria’s level of technology is at a place where electric guitars would exist (though I could be wrong, and now I’m trying to remember if there were any electric guitars in the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ talent show performance...)

Most of this is just clean-up after adjusting your application based on my first comment, so like I said, this should all be fairly easy to take care of

As for your comment -

I think I'm also gonna update my OC's avatar to erase the propellers.

That would be appreciated. I would be willing to write off the propellers as a quirky accessory if it was particularly difficult to change the art, but I would prefer if you simply removed them.

I changed every things needed (I guess). For the level of technology, I don't know too, but in the Newcomer Advice, it was wrote that there were arcades, and the electric guitar was created nearby the same date in our world, so I thought it could tie in. And we can listen electric guitars in the background of the CMC anthem, and Scoot talked about "she better saw a rock song as their anthem".

Also, I made a mistake on translation: I wrote bonfires, whereas fireworks was a better translation (I could be so messed up, sometimes).

I'll update when I have finished editing my avatar (this'll be simple to just remove the Rocket Belt and redraw the wings, it's just a matter of a few minutes)

Rocket’s application looks much improved. There are only a few little things left to fix up, then he should be ready to go

• The mention of his ability to play guitar would be best put in the “other” section, and should not be in the appearance section.

• You describe your character as a young stallion (which is a young adult) and a teenager. These are two different things, and based on Rocket's backstory he seems much more like a young adult than an adolescent.

• The doctor’s name is odd given that it is a human name, and should be changed to something more appropriate for Equestria.

• I’m surprised I did not notice this sooner, but according to the appearance and “other” section Rocket carries a leather bag. I assume that your character does not skin his fellow quadrupeds and wear them as accessories, so this should be changed to a different material

• A good proofreading would improve your application overall, especially in the personality section.

Besides the personality which I didn't touch, I made all edits you asked me to do. There's just a small problem, because I thought about making Rocket a 17-18ish stallion, which still makes him a teenager. Or not? I don't know, because in French terms, 18 is still in teen ages, even if youngsters reached majority at 18...

Besides the personality which I didn't touch, I made all edits you asked me to do. There's just a small problem, because I thought about making Rocket a 17-18ish stallion, which still makes him a teenager. Or not? I don't know, because in French terms, 18 is still in teen ages, even if youngsters reached majority at 18...

I think the best way for you to convey Rocket's age is to just tell us that he is a young stallion. We can gather from his backstory that he only recently grew out of adolescence. There's no need to be too specific, and references to human ages are not allowed anyways.

I changed that yesterday!

Alright, the only thing I'm finding now is that the AEP is still described as being made of leather. Fix that up and I'll send him through the next step of the approval process.

While I'm commenting though, I did notice this in your backstory

"and the most amazing thing he ever assisted happened"

I think "assisted" is supposed to be "witnessed" here, since Rocket wasn't involved in Dash performing the Sonic Rainboom.

I think "assisted" is supposed to be "witnessed" here

Me and my rusted english... OK then, I take care of that.

Sorry for the double post, but it's done!

Hello again Rocket

I went over your character with some of the other reviewers, and we picked out a few more things that should be altered before your character joins EqE.

• The color scheme is a bit bold to fit in with the soft color scheme of the show. Please mute the colors of the coat and mane & tail, I would suggest a grey coat rather than a black one and a more muted red mane & tail, or a mane & tail streaked with red and orange (again, more muted than the current red).

• In the fourth paragraph of the personality section, you at one point wrote “people” instead of “ponies”.

• The name “MD Hooves” should be changed. Honestly, I didn’t even realize this was a House reference until it was pointed out to me, but the doctor in the backstory should just have a regular pony doctor name, something like “Healing Hooves” for example.

• There is no story behind how Rocket received his cutie mark. Including this story would give us a much better understanding of your character.

Edit done! I wanted to rename MD Hooves in Doctor Vicodin, but I think it was too obvious here... I just called him MD Healing Hooves.

Thank you for editing him so quickly. I do still see some edits to be made, but I think we’re getting close to finishing up here

• While your character’s colors are looking more canon-friendly (and the orange streaks look great!), they should still be a bit lighter and softer. The coat should be a few shades lighter, and the mane and tail should be “softened” by removing the yellow dots in the mane and by either choosing a more muted red or adding more streaks of that orange to the mane and tail.

• The mention of Rocket’s “teenage years” in the backstory should be changed to “adolescence”, as we don’t know that the adolescent age range of ponies corresponds with that of humans (ie, we don’t know if adolescent ponies are actually 13-18).

• The comment on Rocket “working like a regular Earth Pony” is odd, as Rocket isn’t described as doing jobs associated with earth ponies. His job may not involve flying, but pegasi often take up jobs that don’t directly require flight (Fluttershy for one). It also seems to suggest that earth ponies don’t have special skills inherent to their own race, which isn’t true.

• While I like the cutie mark story you provided, the timing of it suggests that he did not receive his mark until he was a stallion, or it at least says that he wasn’t a schoolcolt anymore when he got it. Because ponies get their marks when they’re school-age (to the best of our knowledge), Rocket should get his cutie mark while he is still in school.

• The end of your backstory includes an instance of using the word “hair” instead of “mane” and one of using the word “postman” instead of “postpony” or “poststallion”.

• Though I could see a human-sized skateboard being able to fit into a bag, it occurs to me that a pony-sized skateboard would have to be a lot bigger, and would not fit in Rocket’s bag.

I just have to edit the color scheme, I'll do it later.

Sorry for double-posting (again), but I edited the color scheme and I also added 3 orange strands in his mane.

Alright, I can still spot a few things, but I think the color scheme at least should be all set now

• The doctor’s dialogue strikes me as odd. I don’t think ponies often give their children up for being disabled, so I’m not sure why a warning against it would be necessary.

• Having the teacher encourage Rocket to try to move his wings doesn’t make all that much sense. A foal would make a mistake like that, but an adult pony would know better. The story would work better if it was a student rather than the teacher.

• You still have the old cutie mark story, meaning that the backstory right now describes Rocket getting his cutie mark twice.

• Rocket’s ability to skateboard is mentioned twice in the “other” section, which is redundant.

Edit done!

Edit done!

In that case, I'll move Rocket along to be looked at by the staff. Expect to hear from myself or them again soon

Rocket has been moved to second approval