Mind Swirl

By MickeyAdaptus

• April 7, 2018

Age: 19

Gender: Male

Species: Earth Pony

Appearance: <p> The colour of my fur sports a light yellow, while my mane goes with the flow of the orange colour, I can't exactly explain why, other then the fact that it really suits me, almost as if I had been allowed to </p> <p> choose my appearance before birth, but then I would have to argue that my grey-blue eyes really define my personality as a whole, a personality that I cannot quite seem to grasp. </p>

Cutie Mark: <p> A cutie mark? You mean those tattoos on your flank? I don't see the purpose of one, they are supposed to define someone's special talent, but how could I have one if I don't even know my special talent, let alone myself in its entirety? </p> <p> Wouldn't that be weird? A good thing that I don't have one, it would just be another thing that I would have to question why it was even there. </p> <p>   </p>

Personality: <p> My mom and dad always used to call me a *special snowflake*, but I could never quite understand the reason why they would call me that, was it because of my appearance? My personality? </p> <p>  All I can say is that something seemed off, compared to other ponies, I was not one to join the flow of a conversation. </p> <p> When everypony was playing outside, making friends and having a good time, I would be somewhere in the far corner, sitting alone as I would use my own imagination to entertain myself, other than the fact that I didn't have much of the characteristics that one would call, anger or happiness, I would be the in-between, something everypony calls, neutral. </p> <p>   </p> <p> There were, however, moments that I noticed something was off about me compared to anypony else, whenever somepony would ask a question, I would answer back, but at times they would give me this...  Confused look, telling me that what I answered was not even related to their question in any way. </p> <p> Some would bully me, others would be over sympathetic to me, constantly asking me if I required help, something that I couldn't quite grasp, I could do things on my own? Or was there something going that they noticed about me, yet I would not be able to notice it myself? </p> <p> It is something I will never understand. </p>

Backstory: <p> My story is a baffling one, or atleast that is what most ponies tell me whenever I tell them. </p> <p> I was born in Filly Delphia, with my 2 parents, yet I had no brother or sister, which for most in hindsight would be lonely, but for me? For me, you could safely say it was a convenience, or well.. so would my dad let me believe. </p> <p> We lived in a standalone house, which means we lived in a quiet area, though it that wasn't always the case, because the yelling of my parents would overshadow said silence, much to my mixed reaction of confusion and amusement. </p> <p> Yet during the time that I grew up, I never went to school, my mom had signed me up for one, but my father always kept disagreeing with that action, almost as he would feel embarrassed sending me to one. My mom and dad would argue and sometimes shout to each other whenever the mention of school was brought up, yet the most crucial arguments seemed to be done in almost whispering, only hearing faint words along the lines of *bullied* or *giving up on him*. </p> <p> The part of bullying I could understand, even with the way I am, I am no stranger to that concept, the other colts and fillies who lived nearby was rather eager to show that concept to me. </p> <p> But the second one, giving up on him? What did they mean with that? It was accurate to say that it was referring to me, but who would give up on me? My parents? </p> <p> I was not really a person to take notice of what my parents would say, but that one thought, it terrified me... Was I really that much of a burden to them? Had I done something to drive them to the point of leaving me on the street once I would do another thing wrong? </p> <p>   </p> <p> That was my queue, that was my queue to leave everything behind, my parents, my home. </p> <p> I loved my parents very much, and my reason for leaving was for that very fact, I didn't wish to let them experience more suffering with my presence, those loud arguments all the time sure drove that point across. </p> <p> The departure of my home happened around the age of 15, it was around that time that I sneaked out of the house in the middle of the night, never coming back again. </p> <p> I was on the street for some time, until I met this stallion, he was old, but he was friendly and very understanding. </p> <p> Where my father would shout at me for doing something incorrectly, he instead told me how I could do it differently, having the patience of Celestia knows how many alicorns! </p> <p> But just when I thought I had found the place from what I presumed would mark the start of a new and better life, it vanished as fast as it came, after 3 years, the stallion got very sick and was brought to the hospital. </p> <p> And yet here I was again, on the streets with no understand how to go forward. </p> <p> At first, I had presumed that after the age of 18 I would have matured and grown smarter, but as I turned 19, only the maturing part happened, but only with a slight amount, the becoming smarter thing never happenend. </p> <p> Had my mother made that one up just to make me not worry about my future? Anyway, that wasn't the end of it, because Mares and Stallions alike where treating me the same way like all the fillies and colts did, the only change being that the bullying had been reduced. </p> <p> But there was one thought still lingering in my head, what had happened to that stallion who had been taking care of me? </p> <p> I had decided to visit him at the hospital, but the one thing happened that I wish would never happen to anyone. </p> <p> He had died of a heart attack, only 2 days before my visit, meaning I had not gotten the chance to say goodbye to him. </p> <p> Why can life be so cruel? Why is Equestria such a strange place in my eyes, yet not for anypony else? </p> <p> Those are thoughts that keep roaming my head. </p> <p> That is the story of my life. </p>