Princesses Just Don't Understand

[PonyHag1 591]

A parody of "Parents Just Don't Understand" by DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.

 

You know princesses are the same no matter time nor place
They don't understand that us ponies are gonna make some mistakes
So to you, all the ponies all across the land
There's no need to argue, princesses just don't understand

I remember one year
Twilight took me school shopping
It was Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, oh, Twilight and me
All hopped in the car
We headed downtown to the Gallopy Mall
Twilight started bugging with the clothes she chose
I didn't say nothing at first
I just turned up my muzzle
She said, "What's wrong? This saddle cost $20"
I said, "Twilight, this saddle is plaid with a butterfly collar!"
The next half hour was the same old thing
Twilight buying us clothes from 2010
And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
I asked her for Maredidas and she bought me Zips
I said, "Twi, what are you doing, you're ruining my rep"
She said, "You're only an Earth Pony, you don't have a rep yet"
I said, "Twi, let's put these clothes back, please"
She said "no, fillies go to school to learn not for a fashion show"
I said, "This isn't Season 2, come on Twi, I'm not Discord
Mom, please put back the bell-bottom Bridle Bunch trousers
But if you don't want to I can live with that but
You gotta put back the double-knit reversible saddle slacks

She wasn't moved - everything stayed the same
Inevitably the first day of school came
I thought I could get over, I tried to play sick
But Miss Cheerilee said, "No, no way, uh-uh, forget it"
There was nothing I could do, I tried to relax
I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts
And when I walked into school, it was just as I thought
The fillies were cracking up laughing at the clothes Twi bought
And those who weren't laughing still had a ball
Because they were pointing and whispering
As I trotted down the hall
I got home and told Twilight how my day went
She said, "If they were laughing you don't need them,
Cause they're not good friends"
For the next six hours I tried to explain to Twillight
That I was gonna have to go through this about 200 more times
So to you all the ponies all across the land
There's no need to argue
Princesses just don't understand

Oh-kay, here's the situation
Celestia and Luna went away on a week's vacation and
They left the keys to the brand new Porsche
Would they mind?
Umm, well, of course not
I'll just take it for a little spin
And maybe show it off to a couple of friends
I'll just cruise it around Ponyville
Well, maybe I shouldn't
Yeah, of course I should
Pay attention, here's the thick of the plot
I pulled up to the corner at the end of my block
That's when I saw this beautiful mare walking
I picked up my car phone to perpetrate like I was talking
You should've seen this girl's horsie dimensions
I honked my horn just to get her attention
She said, "Was that for me?"
I said, "Yeah"
She said, "Why?"
I said, "Come on and take a ride with a horse of a guy"
She said, "How do I know you're not sick?
You could be some deranged Mane-iac"
I said, "C'mon toots - I'm a Canterlot prince
Beside, would the Mane-iac have a Porsche like this?"
She agreed and we were on our way
She was looking very good and so was I, I must say - word
We hit McDobbin's, pulled into the drive
We ordered two hay burgers and two large fries with Cokes
She kicked her litter off onto the floor
She said, "Drive fast, speed turns me on"
She put her hoof on my knee, I put my hoof on the gas
We almost got whiplash, I took off so fast
The sun roof was open , the music was high
And this mare's hoof was steadily moving up my flank
She had caused me to drive into the castle so far
I guess that's why I didn't notice that police car
We're doing ninety in Celestia's new Porsche
And to make this long story short - short
When the royal guard pulled me over I was scared as hell
I said, "I don't have a license but I drive very well, Shining Armor!"

I almost had a heart attack that day
Come to find out the filly was a Canterlot runaway
I was arrested, the car was impounded
There was no way for me to avoid being grounded
The princesses had to come off from vacation to get me
I'd rather be in jail than to have Celestia banish me
They both walked in
I got my grip, I said, "Ah, Celestia, Luna, how was your trip?"
They didn't speak - I said, "I want to plead my case"
But Luna just shoved me in the car by my face
That was a hard ride home, I don't know how I survived
They took turns - one would zap me with her horn while the other was driving
I can't believe it, I just made a mistake
Well princesses are the same no matter time nor place
So to you all the ponies all across the land
Take it from me, princesses just don't understand

Edited June 30, 2014 by PonyHag1