Today

[Yorkanium Balante 5]

I got bored while studying for exams and so i just came up with this. it sounds alright but i still wish i had a studio instead of a phone and a sound recording app, and background music too. here are the lyrics and don't try to take it because i copyright everything i write....

 

Here's the link: https://pony.fm/tracks/21861-discord-explains-his-feelings-to-everyone-online-audio-convertercom

 

(Begin Song)

 

Have you all come to my judgment day?

Am I the only one who sinned today?

I fear not death because I will survive

I am an immortal in disguise

 

So take you aim, upon this day

To give my work a bad name

 

You decide my fate on Equestria

It has always been that way since my birth

My life is great and full of suspense

Because where is the fun in making sense

 

So take you aim, upon this day

To give my work a bad name (X2)

 

So today, I will stay forever in the light

But tomorrow comes I will change my mind

 

I shall not walk the path you take

Being orderly makes my soul ache

Can’t you see that chaos is my life?

Making it every day and night

 

So take you aim, upon this day

To give my work a bad name (X2)

 

So today, I will stay forever in the light

But tomorrow comes I will change my mind

                                                                                                                                                                                York Thorn Avery © 

(End Song)

Edited June 10, 2016 by Yorkanium Balante

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

Whoa...watch your vocal mic. It's very clippy. As a matter of fact, sounds like you recorded the whole thing through one microphone, due to the amount of high-end I can hear in the mix. High-end is often the cause of clipping, which can really destroy the quality of the sound of the track.

 

As for your lyrics...sorry to break it to you, but they are quite cheesy. They tell too much. A big rule of thumb for writing lyrics is to show, not tell. Show more of the agony that Discord is going through. The problem also, is that they feel a little unnatural. This is also a reason why your lyrics are cheesy. You need to let the lyrics come natural, and that is best achieved through visualization. This also goes back to the "show don't tell" rule.

 

All in all, it's ok, but it could use quite a bit of work. It would be best if you invest in better recording materials and learn to play keyboard. I'm here if you need any help with working on lyrics.   

[Yorkanium Balante 5]

Whoa...watch your vocal mic. It's very clippy. As a matter of fact, sounds like you recorded the whole thing through one microphone, due to the amount of high-end I can hear in the mix. High-end is often the cause of clipping, which can really destroy the quality of the sound of the track.

 

As for your lyrics...sorry to break it to you, but they are quite cheesy. They tell too much. A big rule of thumb for writing lyrics is to show, not tell. Show more of the agony that Discord is going through. The problem also, is that they feel a little unnatural. This is also a reason why your lyrics are cheesy. You need to let the lyrics come natural, and that is best achieved through visualization. This also goes back to the "show don't tell" rule.

 

All in all, it's ok, but it could use quite a bit of work. It would be best if you invest in better recording materials and learn to play keyboard. I'm here if you need any help with working on lyrics.   

thanks for the advice. you were right in saying that it sounded like it was recorded by one thing....to be exact, it was my phone so i completely agree with you in sound quality. as for the lyrics i can also agree to as well. i wish i could get a studio and all but i will be leaving the house soon for the army in about 6-9 months so i just do this as a hobby. i make it unnatural because i find it funny how i can play with the words though now that you mention it, i could look through my other songs and edit them, its been a while since i did that but thanks for the advice bro.

[Apple-Jack 312]

I gotta say your voice doesnt sound bad at all just keep trying 

[Yorkanium Balante 5]

I gotta say your voice doesnt sound bad at all just keep trying 

thanks and i will. I find it fun when i can hear hear many other opinions on music. it truly is chaotic hahaha