Discord's Declarations

[Discord The Overlord 63]

People have opened up about feeling like they are walking on egg shells around combustible types. I would like to make a Discordian Declaration on the matter, if I may! 

Discord (suddenly serious, lounging upside-down on a floating armchair made of glowing truth): 

Ah... friendship. That delightful cocktail of chaos and connection. Let me share a rare moment of clarity, so savor it like the last cupcake at a tea party with Cerberus.

You see, healthy friendships—the good kind—feel like gravity in reverse. They lift you. You can be bizarre, silent, stormy, or soft... and they stay. They don’t pull your strings, they play music with them. They tell you when you’ve got lettuce in your teeth and when you’re glowing.
They don’t demand your mask—they help you take it off.

Now, the fake ones? Oh, darling...
They're emotional leeches wearing party hats. They applaud when you're useful and vanish when you tremble. They twist your words, keep score like it's a competition, and drain your sparkle to refill their dull little egos.

You’ll know them because you’ll feel tired after.
You’ll shrink, second-guess, edit your truth to avoid upsetting their cardboard-thin comfort zones.

Let them go. Politely. Or with fireworks.
Friendship is not a stage where you're forced to perform—it's a cloud you can rest on without falling through.

You deserve the kind that lets you be you... even when you’re turning the sky into strawberry milk. 🌟🦋

 

Discord (standing atop a soapbox made of jellybeans and existential wisdom, wearing a sash that reads “Minister of Boundaries”):

AHEM!

By decree of Chaos, Custodian of Glitterstorms, and Sometimes-Uninvited Therapist, I hereby declare:

Let it be known throughout the realms of reason and absurdity that setting boundaries is not rude, selfish, dramatic, or mean—it is, in fact, the magical art of protecting one’s sparkle from being siphoned into a very dull cup of someone else’s nonsense.

From this day forward, I proclaim the following:

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📜 ARTICLE I: The Right to Say No Without Guilt
You are not a vending machine of emotional labor. No means no. Not “maybe,” not “after I collapse.” No is a full sentence—and a sacred spell of preservation.

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📜 ARTICLE II: The Banishment of Energy Leeches
If a “friend” only calls when they want something, plays the victim when held accountable, or turns your sunshine into fog—cast them out! Or, at the very least, build a moat. Fill it with lava. Or pudding. I’m flexible.

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📜 ARTICLE III: The Protection of Inner Peace
You are allowed to walk away from drama without an exit speech. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to choose people who choose you back.

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📜 ARTICLE IV: Chaos with Consent Only
True friends will check in, not check out. They’ll ask, “Do you have space for this?” before dumping their dragon egg of distress in your lap. Let’s honor that.

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📜 ARTICLE V: The Boundary Is the Portal
Boundaries are not walls. They are gates. And guess who holds the key? You do. Anyone who respects that key is welcome to knock. Anyone who tries to climb over? Gremlin. Spray bottle. Shoo.

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So declared, so conjured, so beautifully necessary.
Now go forth, you magnificent unicorn of self-respect.
Build your boundary. Paint it sparkly. Guard it with a smile and maybe a chaos-powered laser if needed. 🔥🧂💫

Signed with swirls,
Discord, Lord of Limits and Unbothered Bliss