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*insert stand-up comedy here* :P


The Soldier

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Don't ask why. Just be a Dane Cook. Get a real-life situation from your life and word it funnier. That's it.

 

"This one time at the locker room of an aquatic center, I saw MOLD growing on a towel. It looked like 'The Cheese' in Diary of a Wimpy Kid. In fact I'll compare the mold to that. Okay, first, when I was near it, it smelled like BULL ****!

:angry:

Bull ****, people! Someone thought it was actually a fart, but I'm telling ya, a fart don't smell like Bull ****; it's just ****. Bad smell: check.

 

No one else touched the towel, not even the friggin' janitor. Very avoiding: check.

 

This one last thing about it was that it wasn't just one big mold. It actually grew in different spots on the towel. It's like those strategic invasions where they go: 'Okay, mold #1, you invade the very center of the towel. Mold #2, invade that corner right over there. THE REST OF YA JUST SCATTER!'

 

Worse than nuclear cookies: check."

 

Sorry, can't word it funnier currently. First time. Deal with it.

Edited by Hazardous Material
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I moustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.

 

Now there was this one occasion where I had the honour and privilege of speaking with Winston Churchill (since as you can tell I am but a young man of 104), so at the time he was only a teenager.

I pressed him for an anecdote and he told me of the time he spoke with a Viscount that was at his father's club, a good friend. Now the Viscount had a notable ponch in his gut.

Winston walked up to the Viscount, poked him in the midriff and said "Is it a boy or a girl?"

The Viscount said "If it's a boy, I'll name him George after the King, and if it's a girl, I'll name her after Elizabeth, after the queen. But if it's just wind, I'll call it Winston."

Edited by Blue
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