and everything has become so boring lately, i have over 12000 songs in my music library and several records and cd's, but there's nothing to listen to. nothing has the same feeling as when it was fresh, when i first discovered it. i desperately download music and search trough my library to try and find something to listen to, i listen to it, approximately 12 hours a day, but nothing is the same as it was. at the same time i feel so restless, and my whole body just feels tense, everything just feels so uncomfortable. i need to go experience something new, meet new people or something. everyone i know is just complete shit, everyone around me is shit, life is shit. god damn it. it's just the same day out and day in. wake up piss early in the morning, go to school without eating or anything, sit trough 8 hours of torment from shitkids, get home, eat, do homework, sit infront of the pc screen until i probably should go to bed, repeat. and on the weekends i occasionally go out with a friend, but mostly sit around this screen non-stop. and it isn't even fun, what the fuck am i doing in-front of this thing, i don't even want this, i don't do anything other than just make songs all day on it. other than my parents, i dont fucking talk to anyone other than on school and in drama practice! and i have all theese feelings bottled up inside! i havnt fucking cried for three years and i rarely rage! what the fuck! it feels fucking awfull! i havent showered in over 6 days! how has fucking come to this! i also used to lay in bed and have this good feeling about everything, but now i just lay there at night, thinking about all this depressing and awfull shit. everything is just a bunch of stress! i just want to relax and have everything back to the way it was before