I feel so emotionally uptight, I want to smash something.

I always get this feeling of being distanced from people, even if I know inside they care for me.

I want friendships, I know they take time, but its so hard to be patient. I get sad and lonely over the smallest things, like noone commenting on status updates.

I feel like a fool oftentimes when I'm around others, and it makes me so irritated.

I canlt get any psychological help since my pqrents have vendetta against doctors and they wouldnt see any valdity in getting help for mental issues.

Suicide has never been an option for me, and it never will be. One, I hold to the belief things will get better. Not entirey valid as there are no gerantees in this world. Two, I know full well my soul is going to hell as soon as it leaves this body, so no matter how bad things get here, they'll be better than the next life.

It's a shame, since heaven may be the only place a twisted mind like my own could ever find true peace. Someone who seeks love but sucks it up unfeelingly like a black hole. Indeed, someone who is better off by himself, yet seeks to befriend others. What a hopeless puzzle my mind is.