Or perhaps "Early Morning" would be a more fitting title. It's currently 5:32 a.m. at the time of writing this, and I can't say I've anything of great importance to say. Nothing particularly noteworthy happened between now and my last post. Nothing ever came of the mildly disturbing texts I received late last night, and I only worked half a shift in the afternoon, today. While today has been but a touch boring, it has left me with plenty of time to reflect on this week, so far. I have to say, everything has seemed to fall wonderfully into place. Maybe I've become more tolerant of minor setbacks, or perhaps things are just going well for me right now. Either way, I've no real reason to complain, not that I'm looking for one. Still, I can't help but marvel at the current state of things. I'm happy, really happy. But I know I could be happier. I could easily stay on the road I'm on right now, in just a few years (assuming nothing changes drastically) I would have enough success to live comfortably, with minor support from my significant other. I've no student loans to speak for right now, and my energy is equally distributed between all of the things that matter, while still leaving room for simple joys. Yet, I can't help but feel I want more. Is that greedy, or is it ambitious? Is there a difference? I don't know what to call the state of my desires, but I do know that I want to continue to pursue the arts, and I want to do what makes me happy. At that same time, I want to take care of the people I love, and I want to live a quiet, comfortably life, with those people.

My girlfriend and I have spoke about this, several times. With her being a pre-dental major, she is absolutely going to make more money than I will, willing that she lands a career. We've also discussed the fact that money means little to us in the face of happiness, as our lives are already appropriately budgeted. She wants me to devote more energy into what makes me happy. I'd very much like to, but I truly can't help feel as though I'm some how letting her down in doing so. I've expressed this feeling to her, and she told me I was overthinking things. She's likely right, but it's our future. It isn't that I'm sacrificing what I want to make her happy, she's already quite content (if only we could freeze time, and live as we are). I'm just afraid that my timing will be off, that things won't fall into place correctly, and I'm afraid of a lengthy recovery time if I'm to fail. This week is like a small scale model of what I desire, but weeks like this are rare enough, let alone several years turning out this way.

But in all honesty, I'm afraid of failure, and that's just plain silly.

What I've come to realize, through observation of the lives around me, is that failure isn't an instant "game over." It just means you've to pick up the pieces. Very seldom is failure something that has detrimental effects on an individual's life, and in the cases that it does it's likely self wrought or generally preventable. I'm not saying that with a sense of absolution, but rather with an air of confidence based on my own course of action. Consider the businesses around today, that filed for bankruptcy decades ago; or the high school dropouts that lead happy and fairly fulfilling lives. I'm certainly not going to strive for failure, but there's no sense in me being afraid of it, especially if it means I won't be chasing my dreams.

The worst thing that could happen, is I come out saying "I tried." I'll still be surrounded by people I care about, I'll still be in relatively good health, and, most importantly, I'll still be happy.