Wow! The month of July has been intense!

Birthdays, weddings, planning social events! And did I mention all the birthdays?! So many people to remember while managing many other things. I’ve been feeling happy like Pinkie Pie! Even though I was informed of something rather disheartening and I guess I kinda want to vent about it here…

I’d like to write about more positive things when they happen since they certainly outweigh the negative, but when good happens I get too lost in the moments… it’s like a wave that I’m riding — no time for photos, phones or writing — just enjoying!

But this one issue has truly weighed me down and even caused me to crash into a wave and fall into the sea..

I’ve even a few art pieces I was supposed to make for some friends on here and I never finished them… (due to my being weighed down…) wilting and unmotivated… but I must push forward.

Maybe just writing it somewhere, anywhere, will help…

So, essentially, someone whom I trusted and thought very highly of … told me a falsehood. And through that falsehood a symbolically unstable tower was slowly constructed and while I did see the subtle but wavering sways… I still trusted his word that this was a sturdy foundation to build on. Perhaps some Tower of Pisa situation would result. (Yes, this was the extent of my rare trust in him, because I would have rather believed that, than appeal to the idea that  he spoke and insisted on a falsehood). Especially with his raw conviction….  
So, I carried on.

Long story short, the inevitable happened and the tower simply crumbled while falling over us. Mind you, this is symbolic, so no medical emergency was required 

I just don’t understand why that falsehood was even necessary to begin with. The simple truth would have prevented me from taking so much action to plan the gathering, include him in the event and pretty much just shine together…..

I mean, it’s no big deal now…  as a realist, I do get over things. It’s just…
It really marked me on an emotional but not logical level... and yet it’s so ridiculous to explain.. so I’ll try to be abstract…

It’s one of those things, like in childhood, where… it makes no sense in adulthood but when you have a friend who just ‘gets it’ it’s completely out of this world. And even enhances adulthood because of the hidden layers of it that are wholesome secrets between you and said friend(s)…

Unfortunately, that simply never came to be with him. Which, is acceptable, there is nothing to be done about it. What I really appreciate is honesty and bluntness. Why not simply tell me “Oh, I’m over that… I did it once and am no longer interested.“ (Yes, even a rude bluntness is favored by me, over a lie) or “Hey, I’m not really into that any more, so if you want, you can go and enjoy while I go do other things but please have fun!” Can even add “I’ll still be here for you.” Polite is always preferred but not required.

Anything would have helped… It doesn’t even have to be too blunt or rude, I would totally understand and in fact, it wouldn’t hinder me from progressing towards a healthy interest or proper expectations.

I’m a person driven by action. So, honesty is important since taking action on a falsehood is just.. risky. And stupid…

Why have me go through all of the preparations and even gather friends to form a get together and a surprise party for when the event finally took place… only… to not show up? It’s so embarrassing and made me look uncoordinated around people whom I respect…

I feel so lied to and so confused. Like, what was the purpose of that? Why deny things ever happened in order to promise me it will and then it never does? People can be so peculiar at times…

Perhaps there’s just some hidden emotional tie that he wishes to conceal? And if so, I respect that. Instead, I’ll turn within myself to figure out my own emotions…

Perhaps this is a lesson in self efficiency and how I should simply pursue what calls to my heart.

Just because we are alone in our pursuit doesn’t mean that we have to be lonely…. Even though, with meaningful company, it’s certainly enhanced and incredible…

Regardless. It’s better to be on your own than in the presence of those who may lie or askew your perception…

How this has struck me is that it thickens the barriers of trust that I was already so tired of having…

I just hope I can still be a good friend to him. I was always happy to be there during the roughest of moments and the sincerity will always thrive beyond any wounds or strikes. I wish him and myself the best from here on forward.

So, with a tiny Starry in my pocket, (Yes, dresses now have pockets!) we move onto better things. As the Latin expression goes… 

Semper ad meliora...