I kinda promised that after my last Blog Update, which was me talking about suicide, that i would update this Blog if something changed, to this point i never did.

So, why am i still here? ( you know, apart from being a coward )

Well, the thing that saved me was Superman. Not even lying. Let me explain.

I suffered from various things, depression, rage, health issues, no friends, kinda abuse and severe asbergers. But i also had a tendency of hating myself and my life so much, that i would constantly try to pretend my life started from scratch. If you are confused what that means, it meant i would pretend i was born on that day, that my previous life didnt exist and would erase every trace i left, which meant destroying toys i owned, trowing away all of my creative doing aka drawings and deleting my music, internet accounts and even save files from games.

So i tend to lose everything i owned or did, constantly. All the way up to my 20s, that is why i was stuck repeating the few games i owned over and over and constantly having to start my comics from scratch, which meant at the end of the day, i had nothing, i was stuck in a loop. A loop of not getting anywhere. And as you might know, my suicide attempt, that left a scar on my arm.

Because finding friends failed all the time and so did a therapy, i got the idea to find myself a very big franchise that would keep me occupied and would never want to make me repeat stuff ever again, I tried pretty much everything, various long running anime, video game franchises, marvel, nothing worked.

But then i remembered that one of the biggest fictional universes and one of the oldest ones, would be the DC Universe, that started with Superman as early as the 1930s i believe. Also my father always wanted to show me the superman movies with christopher reeve and because of those 2 things i finally tried it out. And what can i say? It changed my life.

Once i started wtaching the old fleischer cartoons from Superman from the 1940, i was hooked. Pretty much right from the start, beautiful animation and obviously Superman as a really good character, together with his ever growing list of friends and allies, like Lois Lane, Perry White, Jimmy Olsen and later all those other Superheroes. Seeing them all get introduced one by one made me attached to pretty much all of them, i started doing research and made a gigantic list of all adaptations based on all of Dc Comics and even its Imprint Labels.

I still collect and watch/play to this day. The constant themes of hope, justice and sacrificing ones self for the greater good just grew on me. Not only did i hade some sort of a role model now, collecting this franchise also gave me a purpose. My rage attacks got better, i managed to hold out until i was finally able to move out from my mothers house, and where i am now?

I tell you: I AM FREE!

Thats what i am.

The urge to repeaet the same shit over and over again is gone, i dont delete my art or music again and i finally managed to watch/play all the things i wanted, in terms of video games i am now from the atari 2600 age all the way up to the XBOX 360.

That might not sound like much, but for my case its a miracle. Superman and DC as a whole helped me out of all of it.

I pretty much own them my life at this point.

And this is basically what happened the recent times, so yes, my situation got better and even though i still hate this world and have depression, i now have reasons to move on and hold it out and a lot of things to appreciate, even if my life stilll sucks and leads nowhere.