Just a small ramble about how life's been going, I think I like posting about life stuff on this blog. It's nice to be able to dump out all my thoughts and feelings, but there's also something comforting about knowing there's someone on the other side, even if it's just briefly skimmed once or twice.

Anyways. Winter break. 

This year my school's winter break landed really close to Christmas itself, like only a weekend away. I decided to put my two weeks in the previous week, so it was my last weekend of working which was a relief because it was starting to encroach on my schoolwork and extracurricular activities (the manager started to schedule me on days when I volunteered at an animal place even though I wasn't available). I ended up getting sick and missing my last day, but when I felt better my boyfriend and I went to the mall. And then...he ghosted me for a few days before sending me a break-up text. Something about wanting different things in a relationship? Not really any bad blood there, but I do resent some of the ways he treated me in our time together.

When it happened, I thought I'd be sadder. I kept waiting for the tears to come...but nothing happened. I think given time I would've broken down about it, if it weren't for one thing.

I had gotten some money for Christmas, so I decided to dust off the Xbox (mostly my dad and sister who moved out used it) and see if there were any video games I'd be interested in. As I was scrolling through all the Christmas deals, I saw that the Batman:Arkham trilogy bundle was only around $6. I'm guessing because the games are a good few years old that they don't mind lowering the price a ton for the holidays. I enjoy Batman. I've watched all the cartoons, seen the movies, haven't gotten into many of the comics (lmk if you have any recommendations), Harley Quinn was my bi awakening, so I decided to give them a try even though they aren't the type of game I usually play.

Then I spent the rest of break playing the games, only stopping to celebrate New Year's, and then picking right back up. I spent almost every moment playing, only stopping to eat and shower. On the last day of break, I was getting ready for my bed when I caught my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were BLOODSHOT. BRIGHT RED. It was sooooo gross. But I didn't even care! I was having so much fun with the games, I loved the characters, the stories, the gameplay (which I was hesitant about at first), and the aesthetics. Despite this, I knew that I would have to start waking up early for school again, so I decided to play for just a little bit longer then go to bed early so I could try to fix my sleep schedule.

Midnight hit. 

It felt like I was playing for just a few minutes, but suddenly it was midnight??? And I had to wake up in a little more than 5 hours???

Okay, okay, I can fix this still. If I go to bed RIGHT NOW, I'll have a bit more than 5 hours of sleep, and that's basically 6 hours, which is close to 7 hours, and that's basically  8 hours. In my deluded mind I would get 8 full hours of sleep if I went to bed past midnight and woke up at 5:30. So that's what I did.

I should explain that my dreams are very easily influenced. If I watch a movie or eat something before bed, it'll almost always show up in my dreams. If my dreams are stressful then it feels like I don't get any sleep at all. This wasn't an issue during break, because even if I had a stressful Batman dream, I could wake up and go back to sleep until noon if I wanted. But this time that wasn't an option. I kept on dreaming that I was in those stealth portions of the game, and every time I fell from a vantage point up high, I jolted awake before passing back out. When I woke up for real it felt like I had been up all night. I was sweating and literally had to take a close look at my surroundings to remind myself that I was NOT in a Batman stealth sequence.

I'm at school now, though, but my thoughts still haven't drifted from the game. If I zone out for too long, my brain starts making up stealth levels and I start doing them in my head. All I can think about is going home and playing more. Oh well. I still think it's better than crying about my ex.

Also if I said "hear me out" about Arkhamverse Riddler...