Alright, guys, this will probably be a very depressive Blog Entry from my point of view due to me being very pessimistic about my future and me having no ambitions whatsoever, so if you don't want to read that drama, feel free to leave now.

I'm at an age where my future career is probably the most important thing for me to think about at the moment. But the thought about it makes me rather sick to be honest. I've had a very bad, maybe even traumatizing experience in 9th grade about the workplace I've been in for two weeks. To sum it up, I did everything I could but was treated like a piece of shit anyway and since I didn't get paid all they told me was: "If you don't work, we don't need to occupy you, you're expendable." As I tried to get out of there, my parents forced me to go there every day these two weeks and everyone was looking at me like: "What's that brat still doing here?" They basically all disliked me and in the end I was forced to do the work they didn't want to do and I felt like a slave really.

That was also one of the key events that lead to my current situation and the way I think about the world now but I think this would be more suited in a different Blog Post really.

Since that time I feel like people don't appreciate the things I do and I hide myself in my room most of the time, slowly becoming anti-social.

While that happened, I lost my motivation for the things I've loved so much. Surely I found new things I got interested in for a while but these interests slowly died as well.

The same thing is applying to this community at the moment. I know most of you are really nice people but I slowly find myself drifting away even more. I am currently at a point where I question everything around me, I even get the feeling I am having a really bad nightmare and I just can't wake up.

School keeps me occupied as well, I am extremely tired everytime I get home and I can't get to bed until 10pm in the evening, just to get up at 5 the next morning and it's rather depressing doing all that, not even knowing what to do with my future. I mean what is there to accomplish anyway? We all end up dying one day, wouldn't it be better to live in the moment instead of worrying about the future