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Inactive01

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    Ask Chemm and Erlen!

    in Ask a Pony

     

    "Huggles... Hmmm that's a nice term for hugging. I think we'll use it more often, won't we Erlen?"

    "Oh sure! I guess I could huggle you right now! :yay: "

    Sure thing Erlen!"

     

    And then they proceeded to hug each other for quite some time. Thanks to you, you made them too busy to answer your question. :P

    • Brohoof 1

    Any other Introverts find "Amending Fences" really relatable?

    in MLP:FiM Canon Discussion

    Why must I need to experience this right now? I was just thinking about this when I finished watching Amending Fences for the third time in 3 days. I was close friends with someone on MLPF who I considered a huge introvert. I got mad at her when I let my external circumstances get to me, and she's become Moon Dancer. 

     

    I think being an introvert isn't just related to how people interact each other in peace. It's also related to how people react to conflict. I'm extroverted in that I tend to vent a lot of my frustrations. In contrast, my friend shells up and builds a huge wall, especially to those who hurt her. She's an even bigger introvert than I am.

    Christian bronies: meet, greet, and mingle!

    in General Discussion

    · Edited by Pony On The Shore

    I must warn you... my testimony is extremely long... I already you my tl;dr version on my previous post. Now it's time I had my testimony fitted with music.

     

    My testimony: “Piano Concerto no. 2 in c minor”: The transformation of my life.

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSJdLkN8Ki4

    First movement.

    June 2015. It was the culmination of a world that finally crashed down on me. Every pillar of my life was collapsing on my head, from research to relationships. I couldn’t stand… I couldn’t talk… I couldn’t breathe. It felt like the bells of death were ringing on my head… and about to sound my own death. In a way, it truly did. Most of my heart felt numb and empty. I couldn’t find myself anywhere in the world because everything was falling apart.

     

    It all started at the end of April. I was just going to store my bacterial cultures after boiling glycerol in the microwave. The solution looked very steamy, but I thought things were going to be ok… So I took the solution out with my glove-covered hands. Little did I know… the solution was superheated. When I nudged the glass bottle just a little bit, the solution jumped out of the bottle and onto my hand. It was a very painful moment, so excruciating that I was inside the abyss. I witnessed the skin on my right hand peeling off as I writhed in pain, struggling to even call 911… When I finally did, the emergency crew arrived and took me straight to the urgent care centre where I had my wounds treated. I couldn’t play music nor conduct any experiments for 3 weeks, and I had this throbbing pain on my hand that refused to go away for 2 weeks.

     

    As painful as the experience was, it was a physical pain I could handle. I thought that was going to be the end of my pain. Little did I know… the pain was only beginning. Deep down, I had a deep fear. A fear that refused to go away no matter how hard I tried. It was a fear of losing the dearest friends I had in my life. It was a fear that my friends would betray me or just throw me away like a garbage pile, ready to be crunched away to the dump.

     

    The pain kept growing… until May 31st… When one of my closest friends had suddenly removed me from all his friends lists. He promised that he’d never leave me. He said he loved me like his brother… the worst part was that we roleplayed together on the forums, and discussed everything. We trusted each other, and we helped each other in Christ… or so I thought. I thought that I could once again handle this pain. Let’s keep it in I thought. Let’s pretend that this didn’t hurt me at all I thought. Let’s believe that I could move forward with my own strength I thought.   

     

    But that was impossible. May 31st, 2015 is a day I will never forget. The removal of his friendship with me was the fulfillment of my fears. I was right. I could never hold down a lasting friendship. Everyone was going to betray me. Everyone hated me, even God. I held that anger inside me and let it build. Then, my closest friend came online to talk with me as we always did. She was always there to make my days better. She was my sunshine on a cloudy day. She was my foothold in a world that grew more and more cruel each day. Best of all, she knew how to turn my sad face into a smile. She was going to make everything fine! But I was wrong…

     

    Our conversation quickly derailed. I was talking about meeting her this summer as my family considered travelling to the state she lived in. She was very excited about seeing me, and I was very excited about seeing her. But when she asked the city I’d visit for the holiday, she said it would be impossible to meet her… her enthusiasm quickly faded Things began to unfold from there. Why didn’t she want to try? Why didn’t she care enough? That’s when I mentioned DJ… my anger only grew. I began a tirade where I told her that there was no such thing as long-lasting friendships. She began questioning me as to why I believed that, which only made my anger worse. Why wasn’t she understanding like she used to be? Why didn’t she care that I was angry at the world? I then went on an emotional rampage. “I was silenced all my life. You have so much! What makes you think you can understand what I’m going through?!” At that moment… Lincoln couldn’t take it anymore. She took a few minutes to think before she said… “I think I need to go now.”

     

    Her words echo in my heart even now. My heart crumbled. I got mad at the last person I’d get mad at. I snapped at the one girl who truly cared and understood me. I punched her in the face with my words… The next day, she blocked me from all her social sites while keeping her Gmail and MLPF friendship. The keeping part didn’t matter. I was blocked. I could only cry heavy tears and sulk as I wondered… Just what the hell happened?

     

    For the next two weeks, I had to pick up all the pieces on my own. My whole heart was broken. The only thing I was capable of doing was cry on the piano and be left confused as to whether Lincoln would ever come back… whether my experiments would ever get working again… and whether my wounds would ever get healed. I tried to find answers, even by praying to God. But nothing was working. I couldn’t take the pain away… I couldn’t patch myself back together. It felt like God wasn’t helping either… I was alone in a pit of darkness, as more and more of my friends got sick of me worrying about my situation…

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzuD5hveXuM

    Second movement.

    The only thing I could do now… was to cry out to God for help. I kept crying out from my bed… “God, help me! I am nothing now! You’ve brought me to my lowest point! I am not even dust! I can’t do anything right!” I went to my bed in deep sadness, wondering whether I’d ever get healed. I heard my friends telling me to cling to God all the more and my parents scolding me for being so emotionally invested in a girl I never met… a girl who I cared for so much. But I couldn’t understand what they meant. How on Earth was I going to ever find God? That was the prevailing thought I had in my mind. I tried reading the Bible and praying to God constantly, but I found no answer…

     

    That was until early the next morning… While I was asleep, I saw Lincoln… Her soft voice and smiling face. I saw her but a brief moment, but I heard myself ask her, “Lincoln… are we ever going to be friends again?” Lincoln replied, “Paul… one conflict will not destroy our friendship…” That was the last of her… or so I thought. Before then, I felt my heart being wrenched and pulled. I began tumbling around in my sleep… My heart was trying to tell me something… It could hear Lincoln’s voice again… and its message I still remember.

     

    “Paul… you hurt me so much when you said those things… Why did you say them? Why did you hurt me? But that’s not the point. God told me to tell you three things you had to do… First, He wants you to stop worrying about me this week… Second, He wants you to stop talking to your friends about me… And finally… the most important thing… He wants you to cling to Him for all your needs, as your friends told you. Hold on to Him… He loves you. If you make a good start at these things this week, maybe we can talk again…”

     

    After she said those things, my heart stopped wrenching about… She left. I quickly awoke, wondering just what on Earth I dreamt. I prayed to God once again about it. Once I did, something in me started to change. I suddenly felt less of a need to worry about Lincoln. I felt less of a need to constantly talk to my friends about my fears. And I suddenly felt a greater need to cling to God and seek His wisdom in all I did…

     

    Over the next week, I reread the Bible with a much more open heart. I searched for verses that preached the sins I committed… I had let the sun down on my anger, had completely forgotten I Corinthians 13, and completely discarded James 4 from my heart… oh how the tongue is our strongest, yet most poisonous weapon. It is like the Grim Reaper, bringing death to all those it victimizes when uncontrolled. I began praying to God for forgiveness. All this time, I blamed God, my experiences with verbal bullying, and my inability to keep friendships for my condition. In reality, I had a deep sin that I never confronted properly: I had little self-control. Little faith. Little gratitude.

     

    I begged to God for forgiveness, realizing now the full extent of my sins. I had done what many others couldn’t do: go against the Bible in almost every way conceivable. As I kept crying my tears and lamenting the sins I committed, I also began to read other Bible verses. These Bible verses were different. They were verses of hope and of courage… Two passage that struck me in particular were Romans 8:31-39…

     

    What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies.34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

     

    “For your sake we face death all day long;
        we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”[j]

     

    37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

     

    And Hebrews 12:6: “For the LORD disciplines those he loves, and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”

     

    Even though I faced the full extent of my consequences as a sinner, God helped me through it. He told me everything I did wrong and how I could change. He also gave me words of assurance, because God’s love covered a multitude of sins. It was these verses that pushed me onward towards the goal. With each passing day, it was difficult for me to stop worrying about the future and feeling guilty about my sins. But at the same time, I was also reminded of James 1:2-4:

     

    Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

     

    I was forced to persevere onward without all my crutches: relationships, physical ability, and intellectual understanding. I was guided to lean on God and persevere towards the end. Whenever I felt down, I was always reminded that those who hope in the Lord shall renew their strength, and that trusting in God will help me see that all my paths are made straight because of God. I had a new crutch now. It’s an everlasting crutch, one that told me to rely on Christ Jesus for everything. The idea was perpetuated even further when a glass flask exploded after being introduced to too much pressure during an experiment my lab mate was performing. I was at the scene just before the explosion, but I felt a random urge to leave. When I returned, I was far enough away from the flask to just see it explode. It was God protecting me from even more physical pain… Even better yet, I began to realize just how lucky I was that my burnt hand was healing so well. I didn’t need any bandages anymore, and I never had a single bacterial infection case the 6 weeks I was on bandages. My meditation in God and the reading of His Word lifted me. God was being my ultimate friend this whole time. What did I have to fear about friendships? I already have God. It was time for me to go out there and show the world that I’m a changed man…

     

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8mKsNTh4Kw

    Final movement:

    June 26th, 2015… I finally finished the challenge. With each passing day, I felt stronger and stronger. I felt more empowered by God to face the problems I was having with my experiments. I was feeling calmer about my situation with Lincoln. And my hand continued to heal. But something was still missing… Lincoln. My best friend was probably still angry at me… still very hurt and confused at what she witnessed the fateful night I snapped. I looked back to that day with such sadness and regret. Even now, I wondered what would have happened if I had never snapped. Sure I’d have not experienced this amazing change in my life, but I still loved Lincoln as a best friend.

     

    I recalled once again all the moments I shared with Lincoln. Rhapsody in Blue: the roleplay. The longest active 1 on 1 roleplay on this side of MLPForums. Us laughing and crying at the best moments of an internet comic we both loved to read. Us supporting each other when we were facing our lows. The times I sent her cards just to encourage her (the cards part I continued to do, as I sent her a card on her email saying how sorry I was for snapping at her). I missed them all, even after God helped me change. I then decided to ask God about Lincoln… I felt my heart being told the following as I kept going with my life:

     

    “Paul… I know you miss Lincoln a lot. I know how much you care and love her. You two share a lot in common, and you felt a bond growing together even with the distance you shared. It’s because of that bond that I had to let you see… that you were forgetting me this whole time. I let you and Lincoln enjoy each other, and you forgot that. You could only see Lincoln in your friendship.

     

    But I have seen the changes you are making. You still have a long way to go, but you’re making wonderful progress. I know you feel terrible about hurting one of your best friends. But Paul… leave her to me… I will help her. If you truly love her, you will leave her to me. I will guide her through her own emotions as well.”

     

    The whole message wasn’t spoken to me all at once. It was small bits of it that appeared at different times through the days. But they were enough to keep me going. I was always expecting her to never come back, since I knew that she ran away from and became indifferent towards the people who hurt her the most. But then July 1st came around… After 2 weeks… Lincoln finally read the ecard I sent her! My apology was finally read! Lincoln was thinking about me too! It was certain! She had an email account made just for me through the years, and she finally came back! Sure she didn’t reply yet, but I just knew that she read it! Things were finally turning around for me!

     

    I still haven’t heard from Lincoln yet, but I could see that God was guiding me through this whole process… I end with what a friend of mine told me while I was still suffering:

     

    “God’s timing is not our timing. His timing is always perfect. You must cling to Him in all that you do. Only then will you find peace.”

    It’s these words that have kept on giving me strength, even if things don’t go the way I expect and if Lincoln hasn’t fully come around yet. Even if my experiments don’t work. And even if I don’t know where I’ll go and how capable and independent I’ll be. Because God is there. He transformed me and moulded me into a stronger person.

     

    Praise God through whom all blessings flow. He has lifted me. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Hallelujah.

     

    PS. I’ll update you on how things with Lincoln go. No matter the ending, I know now: God is in control.

    • Brohoof 5

    Christian bronies: meet, greet, and mingle!

    in General Discussion

    Well... pending on how my situation ends over the next little bit, I think I'd be willing to give a testimony of my own...

     

    Just as a preview, let's say that while the entire month of June 2015 was one of the most difficult in my life, I've learned to find peace in God and cling to Him all the more. 

    • Brohoof 3

    Crushes: Share Them HERE! Don't be Shy!

    in Forum Lounge

    My crushes have changed. It may revert back to my previous answer, but I can't say that right now.

     

    IRL Crush: None at the moment.

    Forum Crush: If things subside between us, then I have one. If not, then my answer is none.

    Pony Crush: Twilight Sparkle. She's just so adorkable!  :adorkable:

    • Brohoof 1

    Rhapsody in Blue

    in Everfree Roleplays

    While Erlen was finishing up his brief encounter with Cheesy, Sterling was busy being a very sad Emile, one saddened deeply at the loss of his fiancee... and all because of his foals and his first wife not being of Equestrian background... "This was Nearly Mine..." Even now, he could imagine dancing with Blue Note and the vision of it leaving him as soon as the dance was set to begin... All of it was gone... He kept singing while The Director just sat on his chair, motionless... As he watched, he knew that he chose the right couple to be Emile and Nellie...

    Rhapsody in Blue

    in Everfree Roleplays

    Erlen nodded at what Cheesy had to say. He sounded like one of those punks Sterling would mention every now and then. In fact, he was probably the same Cheesy who Sterling rambled out every now and then. Still, Cheesy sounded like a nice guy... something for Erlen to tell Sterling about once he was done his rehearsal!

     

    "Thanks for the advice. I'll be sure to remember that as I go my merry way. Have a good one!" Erlen then trotted back to his dorm, hoping that he could talk to Sterling after his rehearsal was done.

    Rhapsody in Blue

    in Everfree Roleplays

    Sterling grunted heavily when Ruby scoffed at one of his closest friends giving him a happy greeting. He couldn't stand her terrible attitude and wished he had a chance to humble Ruby for once. There wasn't anything wrong with Erlen coming by just to say hi when he was on his break. But the scene between Cheesy and Blue Note was just ending, and it was time to Sterling to become a sad Emile, singing about losing his Nellie...

     

    ----

     

    Erlen trotted away from the auditorium, struggling to wonder why there was such a mean mare in the play. Must have been one of the snobby actresses the common pony would always talk about every now and then. Just as he continued on his way, he heard a pony whispering to him about not taking Ruby too seriously... who was that pony? Erlen turned around and saw a yellow pegasus... He didn't seem familiar, but he was nice enough to say that to him.

     

    "Umm...  thanks I guess." Erlen spoke, wondering why that pony in particular would tell him something like that. "Ummm... the name's Erlen by the way." Erlen introduced himself, thinking that he was a nice pony...

    Rhapsody in Blue

    in Everfree Roleplays

    Sterling was just about to get up and wave hello to Erlen, when the familiar red mare came around and harshly told Erlen off. Sterling wanted to let him stay for just a moment to say hi, but with Ruby around, he didn't have much of a choice.

     

    Erlen took a quick glance at Sterling, noticing his motion to leave the room. He didn't want to do it, but it was Ruby he had to face up against... Erlen understood the signal, although he was disappointed at not being able to talk to Sterling right away. Erlen trotted away quietly, wondering just who that red mare was who told him off... All he knew was that he didn't want to mess with that mare at all...

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